I recently received a phone call from a friend I hadn't seen in years, and she told me she was divorced, which shocked me. They also have a 6-year-old child. I asked her what about the child? She said she would still raise the child with her ex-husband as family.
When people reach middle age and divorce, most people are willing to continue to watch each other as family and friends because of their children. After all, for the sake of their children, the two still need to perform the duties of parents.
For families with children, parents divorce and it is the children who are most hurt. Since we once loved each other so much, why can't we tolerate each other as before after marriage? Is it really easy to fall in love and difficult to get along with?
The dopamine of desire will make love fade a little. If there is only love in marriage, and there is no love one day, there will be a crisis in the marriage.
Therefore, the best marriage cannot only be love. In marriage, in addition to love, there should be companionship, understanding and tolerance, trust and encouragement. These elements will be transformed into family affection, friendship, and even revolutionary friendship. Any kind of feeling in this is more reliable and long-lasting than love.
1
Marriage requires warm companionship
In the current society, divorce is not a new word. Why do so many people get divorced? One of the important reasons is that there is less gathering and more, and there is less companionship.
Because of work, some couples live apart in different places, and some couples are busy working overtime. Therefore, it is rare to accompany each other. But after all, it is a home, in addition to themselves, there are old people and children. When something goes wrong, if you don't get timely communication, over time, you will complain and affect your feelings.
Friend Xiaoxin works alone in the field and lives separately from her husband. Xiao Xin is a senior executive of the enterprise, usually very strong and able to carry, but when she is busy, she cannot take care of her parents and children. At this time, her husband who was far away from home could not help, so Xiao Xin was particularly depressed. Use the phrase, "I'm used to it!" To express the helplessness of the separation of the two places and the dissatisfaction with the husband.
The best marriage is to try to be as warm as possible. If you can't accompany you for special reasons, you should also pay more attention, greeting more, and solve more troubles for each other. Even if the person is not around, the heart is there, and such a heartfelt companionship will make the other half feel very warm and warm.
My husband and I have rarely separated from each other since we have known each other. In the years when we were doing freelance work, he was also often on the road. But no matter where we go, we always agree on a time every day to chat and talk about each other's work and life. Therefore, even if they are separated for a short time, they will not feel that there is a distance between their hearts.
This kind of warm companionship is like that strong family affection. Life is fast-paced and stressful.
Companionship, affection. If people drink water, it is a warm feeling.
2
Marriage requires understanding and communication
Why do so many people get divorced? Another important reason for this is personality discord.
In marriage, there are many couples, each with their own personality, so it is difficult to get along with each other. "This phenomenon. It's not that you don't love, it's that it's hard to get along with. The essence of it is that there are more complaints between husband and wife, less understanding and communication.
I often hear someone complaining: "I'm going to divorce him because he doesn't care about me, doesn't care about me!" "Asking for details, a lot of it is a little thing of sesame green beans. For example, the other person doesn't remember their wedding anniversary or love anniversary.
For example, the other party did not have a special representation on these special days. Or maybe the other person has some habits that make him feel uncomfortable, such as not loving to do housework and so on.
If you don't like this, then you can tell him through communication that you care about your anniversary, and you want him to remember it as much as you do.
And you can tell him that you want to have a special representation on these special days, for example, to give you a bouquet of flowers, or to take you to a big dinner, or to watch a romantic movie, and so on. If you're uncomfortable with his habits that make you uncomfortable, you can also tell him that the habit makes you uncomfortable and tell him what he can do that will make you better.
Jane Austen, the author of Pride and Prejudice, once said: "A happy marriage requires not only the exchange of ideas, but also the exchange of feelings, and the separation of feelings in one's own heart also pushes one's wife out of one's own life." "It can be seen how important communication in marriage is.
A lot of things need to be communicated. If you don't say it, how does the other party know? There's a saying, "Whoever guesses who's unlucky!" Therefore, frank communication is the most direct and effective way to reduce misunderstandings between husband and wife.
After communicating, you will get the real answer you want, and you will have more understanding and tolerance for the other party.
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Marriages need mutual encouragement and support
20 years ago, in a very popular TV series "A Curtain of Dreams", Zi Ling's father Wang Zhanpeng fell in love with the female painter Qin Yuqiu. When Zi Ling talked to her father in order to defend the family, her father told Zi Ling about his decades of marriage.
"Feelings are like climbing a mountain. When climbing a mountain, when you first meet one person, the two walk together, but after a trip, one of them is tired, tired, needs to rest, does not want to walk, and the other person also wants to continue climbing, so he will go alone. On the way, he met people who were like-minded with him. They help each other, encourage each other, and prefer to climb the mountain together. And the person who stays at the bottom of the mountain, if he still sits there and rests, is bound to be farther and farther away from him. ”
When there is no common intersection between husband and wife, everything becomes redundant. It can be seen that synchronization and support in marriage are very important, because it is a strong revolutionary friendship.
Nowadays, most of the time is given to work, and more contact is also a work partner. Many times, it is easy to be attracted to colleagues around you. In fact, many times, it is not only the charm of the other party that is attracted, but also the warmth and encouragement brought by the other party.
Her friend Xiaomin once talked about her relationship with her husband. The one she likes, he always helps her a lot at work and always appears when she needs it, so she can't tell whether to appreciate, appreciate, or like. So when he confessed, she agreed.
The two share a common pursuit, help each other, and achieve each other. After marriage, there is not only love between them, but also many common topics, and the relationship is very stable. That kind of happiness is the envy of many people. Xiao Min often said that she and her husband were the feelings of revolutionary comrades. Two people, tied together, inseparable.
Oh, yes! Even if there is no love one day, there is still a deep revolutionary friendship!
Love is the beautiful emotions that two individuals produce with each other. This kind of emotion makes people feel good. But the feeling itself does not have a lasting character. Therefore, love is prone to change.
If marriage is only love, when love fades, marriage is easy to light up red lights. Love is there, love is there; love is gone, love is gone.
The famous writer Roland once said: "There is no need to force love, but to be responsible for marriage." ”
The best marriage can't just be love. In addition to love, marriage requires more responsibility. When we don't love, we still need to have more responsibilities.
In order to avoid the embarrassment of not loving after getting along, two people in a marriage, in addition to love, also need a little more interactive roles. It can be friends, it can be colleagues, and ultimately it can be relatives who care about each other and accompany each other.
A little more understanding, a little more support and encouragement, even if love is not there, there is more affection.
Author: Zi Xin, a national second-level psychological counselor.