01
Qian Zhongshu has a very interesting passage in "The Siege":
"Now that I think about it, it's naïve to think about how serious love was before I got married." Honestly, no matter who you marry, after marriage, you always find that you are not marrying the original person, but another one. Knowing this, the kind of pursuit, love, etc. before marriage can all be omitted - it can be seen that marriage does not need too great love, and mutual dislike is enough to get married. ”
As for how to understand this passage, we must talk about it from two points:
1, we never know our spouse, just think we know, because in love, both sides of the essence of the convergence. Or maybe all you know is a spouse in a relationship.
2, marriage is a change of a way of life, love talks well, as long as you enter the marriage, you will immediately change a new content, but also represent a new beginning.
Therefore, marriage is not the destination of love, love is love, marriage is only marriage.
Even if there is no love, it is still possible to get married, or complete the content of marriage. Or, whether to marry because of love or not is just a choice for people, and both are choices that can be chosen.
Those who must marry because of love may think that this is a lifelong event, give great meaning to the marriage, and then do not want to regret and regret themselves.
Conversely, those who can still get married without considering love do not see marriage as the whole of life, life, although it accounts for a large proportion.
In short, these are all personal choices, in addition to each person's needs and ideas are different, resulting in different choices, there are different choices, and the commitment is also different. There is no way to define these problems in terms of right and wrong, like between black and white, and gray.
02
Whether there is love or not, the content of marriage is always like that, and it cannot be changed, such as chai rice oil and salt, old-age childcare, family chores, human contacts, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships and so on. The most ordinary life, the most authentic content, will also have a conflict of will.
If the relationship between husband and wife is also the most realistic cooperative relationship, it is just that love will help this cooperative relationship is not so cold and realistic.
So I really want to talk about the relationship between marriage and love, that is, in the case that you can assume each other's responsibilities and complete the content of the marriage together, love has played a role in icing on the cake.
Making marriage and family life warmer is like giving marriage a living soul.
Like don't you envy the kind of married life that fights and laughs? Only love can cultivate the deep trust of two people, as well as the expression of the true self.
At the same time, you must also know that there are three important foundations for a happy marriage, the material basis, the emotional basis, and a harmonious conjugal life. People have spiritual needs, and when material needs are met, spiritual needs become more intense.
You have no way to escape your spiritual needs, which cannot be filled with money, so in the long run, the spiritual world is extremely barren, which may lead to irreparable problems in the marriage.
Also, if you are not married because of love, and at most belong to each other and do not hate each other, then there will be no strong physical attraction, which will directly lead to disharmony in the life of husband and wife. Including in many things, you are not tolerant of each other enough.
Of course, the most critical thing is the problem of human nature, in the face of the most realistic life, all the problems of human nature will be infinitely magnified. When interests can no longer resolve the contradiction between two people, at this time, only the determination and belief generated through love can compete with it (the problem of human nature).
It is also avoided to a great extent, two people are particularly clear about you and me, sometimes because of deep feelings, they don't want to worry about it anymore, almost on the line, whether you have more points, or I have one less piece.
Yes, interests may be able to make two people feel the same heart, but only that special feeling can cultivate the values that two people struggle together, and at any time, they can put family interests first. For example, when you do business in partnership and make money, you must be safe, but when you lose money, or when you encounter a crisis, there is no special thing to support each other's cooperative relationship, and the big trouble will definitely fly separately.
03
In fact, the reason is very simple, without love, you can also get married, but if you want to get married, it is best because of love. Love is a thing that exists at the beginning, there is, there is none at the beginning, and then it will not be there again, and what is cultivated later is more of a habit.
It's also unfortunate when marriage becomes completely supported by inertia and responsibility, after all, a lifetime is long and experience is important.
The marriage partner is the one who wants to accompany you through this life, so why not find someone you like? Some things, when you get married, don't have them, but there are still opportunities to create them in the future; some things, if you don't have them when you get married, you won't have them again, think about which is regret?
Love is one of the most special and precious feelings, why? Because love is always the exception.
When he has nothing, everyone is far away from him, only you affirm him, believe in him, choose him; in his most depressed and depressed time, only you command him to be strong and willing to accompany him to bear a fate.
If love can only eat and drink together, then what kind of love is it? There is no particularity at all, nor is it an exception to living with each other, in life.
In any case, love is still very important, maybe it will not shine every day, but it can bring you the strength of generosity in your most difficult times. Maybe when your material life is very poor, reality will consume your love to the point of bleakness, but life will not always be difficult, after surviving, you will find that the hope of life will never change, or love. Especially the love that comes out of suffering is irreplaceable.
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