The mother-in-law helped the daughter-in-law to bring the child, and when she is old, she needs someone to serve her, and the daughter-in-law refuses, is it not conscience?
Hearing such a question, my answer is no.
First of all, we have to correct a mistake, that is, there is a problem with the phrase "the mother-in-law helped the daughter-in-law to bring the child". Is the child just a daughter-in-law's? If this child is not her son's blood, not her son's offspring, how can this mother-in-law help bring it? No matter how good the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is, the old man is willing to take his grandchildren and help his daughter-in-law, all of which are based on the face of his son. She hopes that her son will live happily, and she hopes that her son's family and everything will be happy before she is willing to help her daughter-in-law. After all, the son was her own. Therefore, she not only helped her daughter-in-law, but also her son.
Second, the obligation to support and care for your parents is for your children, not your spouse. The reason why you have the obligation to support and take care of your parents is because they gave birth to you and raised you and gave you life, which is a great favor, and you must reciprocate. As for your wife, because your parents treat her well and give her help, she repays the favor and is better for your parents, but she is on the face of affection, is an auxiliary role, not the main force.
Finally, throwing the responsibility of honoring one's parents onto one's spouse is inherently selfish. On the one hand, they want to get a reputation of filial piety, and they can't ignore the condemnation of their parents' conscience, and on the other hand, they don't want to work hard, so they transfer the responsibility to their spouses, sacrifice their spouses, and complete themselves.
Japanese writer Nakamura Hengzi wrote in "Worth it in the world": Even family members must distinguish between each other, force others, and they and each other are very painful.
Transferring your own responsibilities to your spouse, taking advantage of it and selling it well, your behavior will naturally arouse your spouse's dissatisfaction and affect the quality of your marriage.
The person who asked me this question was a 55-year-old gentleman with the surname Ge, and he also explained why he did it.
01. My mother has a stroke and needs to be taken care of, and my daughter is married, there is no financial pressure, and she does not need her wife to earn money to support her family;
Some time ago, Mr. Ge's 77-year-old mother suddenly suffered a stroke, half of her body was unsuccessful, and was sent to the hospital for rescue and was out of danger of life, but she lost her ability to take care of herself and needed to be taken care of.
Although Mr. Ge's father is also in his hometown, his father will not do housework, the second will not take care of people, and he will not be able to take care of his wife, so Mr. Ge's father told his sons about this matter and hoped that the sons would solve the problem.
"My dad said to let my daughter-in-law quit her job and come back to take care of my mom, and my two younger brothers thought so, and I agreed."
The reason why they first thought of Mr. Ge's daughter-in-law is because Mr. Ge's daughter-in-law is the "most idle" and "least stressful" person.
"My second brother has a son and a daughter, and my third brother has a son, and they are not yet married, and they need money to pay a bride price and buy a marriage house, and if their daughter-in-law resigns, the brothers will only earn enough money to support their families.
Unlike both younger brothers, who have sons, Mr. Ge has only one daughter under his knees, 28 years old this year, who was married two years ago. Therefore, everyone believes that Mr. Ge's daughter-in-law is the only one who can give up her work and make time to serve her mother-in-law.
Therefore, Mr. Ge told his daughter-in-law about his mother's illness, and then directly issued orders: "You will go to your boss tomorrow and ask for resignation, and then, immediately go to buy a train ticket, I will help you pack your things, and go back to your hometown as soon as possible to take care of my mother." ”
02. My mother helped her bring up her daughter and let her honor my mother, shouldn't she?
Asking his wife to return to his hometown to serve his mother-in-law, Mr. Ge was not so much a discussion as an order, and such an attitude also angered his wife.
When his wife asked why, Mr. Ge felt incredible, and yelled at his wife: "Isn't serving a mother-in-law something a daughter-in-law should do?" Are you letting me, the rough-handed, take care of the sick? Besides, my mother brought you a daughter, you must not forget, you can't be a person without conscience, you can't be ungrateful, otherwise you should be careful of being struck by lightning. ”
As a mother-in-law, Mr. Ge's mother is indeed not bad, amiable and kind to her grandchildren. After Mr. Ge's daughter was born, due to the need for survival, Mr. Ge's wife had to earn money, so she had to send her daughter back to her hometown and entrust Mr. Ge's parents to take care of her, study and go to school in her hometown until she was admitted to college.
"My mother brought you a child of 17 years and asked you to serve her, where did you get so much nonsense?"
Mr. Ge's wife not only did not feel "ashamed", but asked her husband: "My mother brought a baby to her 3 sons, why did she only ask me to resign?" ”
Indeed, as the wife said, Mr. Ge's mother not only brought up Mr. Ge's daughter, but also brought children for other sons, which was of great help to both the son and the daughter-in-law.
"You don't have a son, you're under pressure." When Mr. Ge said this sentence, his tone was full of dissatisfaction, in fact, only he did not have a son among the three brothers, which has always been his regret, which made him grumpy and always dissatisfied with his wife.
03. Unfilial daughter-in-law, I don't want, I wanted to force my wife to compromise, but I didn't expect that my wife chose to leave;
The lack of a son actually became a reason why he had to sacrifice his old age and serve his mother-in-law alone to let her husband, her brother-in-law, and her concubines enjoy their success, which made Mr. Ge's daughter-in-law unable to accept it. She unceremoniously refused her husband's request to resign and return to her hometown, leaving Mr. Ge speechless or scolding.
Mr. Ge refused to give up, and actually flipped from his wife's mobile phone to the phone of his wife's factory owner and resigned on his wife's behalf. The wife knew about this matter, quarreled with Mr. Ge, and made it clear that Mr. Ge died.
"Unfilial daughter-in-law, I don't want it, if you don't listen to me and don't honor my mother, just give me an egg." The purpose of Mr. Ge's harsh words was that I wanted to force my wife to compromise, but I did not expect that my wife chose to leave.
Mr. Ge's wife did not say a word, carried her belongings and left the home where the two people had lived for more than 20 years, and when Mr. Ge called to find someone, she found that his wife had arrived at her daughter. The daughter answered the phone and scolded Mr. Ge unceremoniously: "Grandma brought me up, it is indeed kind to our family, we need to pay for it, yes, but she also brought up other children!" Why can my uncles and aunts enjoy their success and let my mother become a free nanny alone? ”
Mr. Ge also wanted to continue to talk about his wife's lack of sons, and his daughter directly blocked back: "No son is it!" Since you hate me so much, don't expect me when you're old. I will make a sum of money to go back, as a wish for Grandma, you invite people, who go back to take care of it, don't want to bully my mother. If someone dares to come to me to add to the blockage, I will put the account on your head, and you will find a way to retire yourself in the future! ”
Mr. Ge did not realize his mistake, and he could not do anything with his daughter, so he had to complain to people everywhere that his wife was not filial piety.
04. When you meet someone with false filial piety, whether you have a temper or not determines your happiness.
Mr. Ge with a wishful thinking, forced his wife to go home to take care of his mother, not only can solve the problem of no one to take care of his mother, but also can help his brothers, be a good brother, the best of both worlds, as for the wife's feelings, Mr. Ge does not care at all, to put it bluntly, he does not love his wife, only loves himself, only values the original family.
When you meet someone with false filial piety, whether you have a temper or not determines your happiness. You have a temper, you have a bottom line, resolutely do not give him the opportunity to squeeze you, let him rack his brains and can not help you, you can protect yourself, on the contrary, you promised the first time, there is a second time, you sacrificed the first time, they will eat you, will continue to gain inches.
As the writer Yu Hua said: "When we treat the world fiercely, the world suddenly becomes gentle and elegant." ”
Many women will choose to compromise when running marriages to meet their husbands' unreasonable requirements, only because they think that this way they appear to be sensible and virtuous, which will make men feel guilty and will hurt themselves more. However, many times, taking a step back is not in exchange for calm waves, but waves, and the swelling desire of the other party.
This is very much in line with the "Diderot effect" in psychology, that is, in a relationship, the other party has a psychological phenomenon of "more and more unsatisfied", and no matter how much you pay, it is difficult to match his inflated desire.
If he really loves you and hurts you, he will not make unreasonable demands with you, and he will not ask you to pay for him, but he is reluctant to consider you. When you meet such a person, you must make him realize that you are not a persimmon that can be manipulated, otherwise, you will be forced to the point of no retreat.
END.
Today's topic: Do you think Mr. Ge's requirements are excessive? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.