When you have an argument with your partner or spouse, will you be treated fairly?
Disagreements, especially those between two people in an intimate relationship, are part of a normal and healthy relationship that is solid and sustainable. After all, you are two unique individuals with a unique view of life.
But sometimes, simple disagreements are exaggerated and turned into heated arguments. The problem is not one that you disagree with. It's that the two of you don't communicate openly, honestly, and fairly. Here are some well-thought-out steps you can take to improve your relationship and have a loving, long-lasting marriage.
Realize that you need to explain your spouse's behavior
Conflict is often the result of how we interpret the words and deeds of others, rather than the actual behavior itself. For example, when someone speaks out loud, we might interpret this behavior as anger.
But is this the correct interpretation? Maybe the other person is angry, maybe they're not. Maybe the other person has become accustomed to thinking that the only way to express a point of view is to speak out loud, whether they are angry or not. Maybe they grew up in a family full of children and learned that the only way people can hear is to speak louder than others. The point is, you never really know why another person behaves in a certain way.
Try to replace "you" with "I"
Remember, you can't really know what other people are thinking or why they're behaving in a certain way. You can only be held accountable for your own thoughts and actions. That's why it's important to communicate your own feelings without projecting them onto the other person. For example, you could say, "I feel sad when we yell at each other like this. Instead of saying, "Don't yell at me!"
Structure your statement in such a way that you focus on how you feel. You also recognize that you have a role to play in reducing conflict. The simple act of using the word "we" in your statement can remind each of you that you are together and that you all need to work to reduce conflict in your relationship.
Speaking in the first person instead of the second person is a healthier way to communicate with your spouse. People weaken their 'I' behind 'you'. For example, someone says, "What else can you do when you've tried all the things you know you can do?" The question belies a strong "I" statement: "I feel desperate because I have tried everything I know can be done, but to no avail." "Put it in the "::":"?":"?:"?: Your "statement" in the form of an impersonal one, thus enabling you to evade responsibility."
Avoid words like "never" and "always."
When marital conflict arises, it's important not to absolutize your spouse's behavior. Say things like "You never do....!" Or "You always.... "That wouldn't help. After all, does your spouse really always act in a certain way? Probably not.
Humans do and say many different things, and they react differently to different situations. Is it fair to accuse your husband or wife of "always" or "never" doing something? Do you "always" throw your socks on the floor? Is it true that you "never" take out the garbage? Probably not. Try to avoid snapping these absolutized things to your partner or spouse.
Focus on communicating what you want and need, not what you don't want.
Classes tend to unconsciously hear, interpret, and understand positive statements rather than negative ones. If we want to communicate effectively so that we can be easily understood, it's a good idea to speak with "to" instead of "don't." For example, an affirmative statement such as "Let's save money and come on vacation!" Instead of "Don't waste your money on buying lottery tickets!" It's easier for people to fully hear and understand. If we focus on what we don't want others to do, we miss out on opportunities to communicate and affirm what we want them to do.
To have a lasting and happy marriage, you need to have a healthy sense of yourself about your role in the communication process. When disagreements arise in a marriage, you need to take responsibility and sometimes courage.
All married couples should learn the art of arguing, just as they should learn the art of having sex. Good quarrels are objective and honest, never vicious or cruel. Good quarrels are healthy and constructive and bring to marriage the principle of equal partnership.
A simple guide for more confidence
By the way, here are some ways on how to become more confident. (These tips are helpful for all of your relationships, not just relationships.) )
Speak in the first person. Use "I" instead of "you".
Be specific about what you're asking for. Avoid saying ambiguous things like "I wish we could hang out often." You can say, "I want to go to the movies with you at least once a month."
Don't be afraid to repeat your words or ask a question again. If you think what you said or asked wasn't heard, repeat your statement with the previous tone and tone. If you're sure the other person really isn't hearing you, be loud, but keep your tone clear and peaceful. Raising the voice is sometimes understood as aggression or irritation.
If you feel like you're being overlooked, say it out loud. Did someone cut in line ahead of you? Don't get mad or angry. Act as if they just didn't see you and say, "Hello, maybe you didn't see me, but I'm behind." "
Don't apologize for how you feel. You have the right to feel sad, happy, joyful, or angry at any time. No one needs to be allowed to have this emotion!
Don't take responsibility for what other people say or do.
Calm down. Speak calmly, pay attention to your body language, and breathe deeply.
Prick up your ears. Spend as much time as possible listening to others as much as you want them to hear you.
Willingness to compromise. Compromise is not a form of submission. It should be a form of creative collaboration.
Like what you just read? I want to know what you think about it. So, leave a message in the comments section. In addition, remember to search for Fei on WeChat to talk about emotions, pay attention to Fei'er, Fei'er guarantees that Fei'er will become the lucky charm of your beautiful love life.