1. Son: Mom, give me some money, my girlfriend is pregnant. Mom: Okay! Wait for my news tomorrow. The next day son: Mom, why hasn't the money arrived yet? Mother: Son, the wedding house, the wedding car, has bought the full money! Spot! Bring me back and get married! Your looks are good if someone wants to! Hurry up and get me back to get married!
2. Drinking noodles at Lanzhou Ramen, I heard a beautiful woman on the phone next to me. She said: Hey, husband, our house is too hot, I heard that Jiuzhaigou is cool, but I don't like many people, you just buy it! I couldn't listen to it at the time, how could I be so pompous, so shameless, so able to blow. I immediately pulled out my Huawei mobile phone: Hey, Dad, Jiuzhaigou can't sell ah, you said you would leave it for me to wash my feet!
4. Last week, the second generation of the rich went to play with a buddy, and there happened to be a marriage downstairs from the buddy's house. A string of wedding cars are all Audi, the same as the rich second generation. Fu Er Dai also suddenly mischievous, and parked the car behind the convoy. Just stopped, a brother came over, and gave smoke to sugar, and gave a big red envelope: hard work! Fu Er Dai was momentarily overwhelmed: Oh, buddy, you really didn't find out that I was impersonating?
5. The old class can't listen to it anymore. There is a buddy in high school who loves to sing, and after the evening self-study, the buddies always like to sing in the student dormitory. Not to mention the singing, the buddies are born with a rooster voice, and the world is crying! But I'm proud of it! Today, I sang a song at the window again, and unconsciously, the teaching director checked the dormitory! The director stood outside the door and said, "You see that this is all wrapped up, and you don't know how to adjust it!" ”
6. I answered a strange phone call, which was fraudulent, and I said, "Who are you?" Liar: "Don't remember me?" Can't I hear my voice? Me: "Sorry, I didn't hear it!" Liar: "It's really a noble person who forgets things, you think about it again." I said, "Are you that so-and-so?" The crook: "Yes! I said, "Okay, it's your turn to guess who I am." "Toot! honk! honk...... The crook hung up the phone!?
7. I'm a project manager at an IT company and I make over $20,000 a month, but this morning I went through something that made me start to doubt myself. Passing by a breakfast shop this morning on my way to work, I saw a young man arguing with the owner of the hand-cuffed cake seller. He said, "You said you would add three eggs to me, why do you only add two?" The boss said helplessly: "I am adding three to you!" Man: "You're a fool, a black-hearted vendor, an egg has to be pitted, and you should sell hand-grabbed cakes for the rest of your life!" Boss: "I make thirty or forty thousand a month and will lie to you about an egg?" Go away, this pie is for you! "After listening, I don't want to be a manager, I am still suitable for buying hand-grabbed cakes."
8. Two days ago, the old man used his pension to buy me a 14th generation Xuanyi and let me go to Kaididi to make money. Yesterday I pulled a lady from the train station and she gave me the address and I sent her straight over. When I was about to start the car and leave, the lady who had just taken the taxi ran back and shouted: Master, wait a minute! I forgot to take it. I handed her my bag, and when I got out of the car again, the lady chased after her and shouted: Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I was a little impatient and said: What's wrong? The lady said: My luggage is still in the trunk! When the lady left, I was relieved and started the car. At this time, the little girl sitting in the back said: Uncle, can you wait a little longer? Mom would find out right away that I was gone.
9. My cousin made 7500 yuan selling electric car license plates and bought an iPhone11pro. Last night, while drinking together, he asked me, "Why are all the icons shaking when my iPhone deletes the software?" I said solemnly, "They must be afraid that you will delete them." He thought for a moment, then said: "The programs that come with you can't delete, what are they shaking??" I could only answer him more seriously: "Brother, that's not shaking, that's deser..."
10. At 10 p.m., the couple next door was arguing again, and I had no choice but to sigh: such a beautiful wife does not know how to cherish! A few minutes later, someone knocked on the door and found that it was a female neighbor, and she pleaded: "Brother Yang, can I stay at your house for one night?" "I saw her in her pajamas, shivering with cold, so I had to agree, and in the middle of the night a female thief came to my house to steal and I caught her. I was going to hit 110, and she asked me without hurrying, "Did you lose anything?" I replied, "No." She immediately showed a fierce light, "You hurry up, you didn't lose, but I lost." My 7-figure diamond was dropped, just so the police could help me see it. "My brain cramped and I immediately threw her out of my house. Poor me, I searched at home for three days and three nights, but I didn't even see a shadow. Thinking back to the strange smile on the corner of her mouth, I finally knew that I was deeply tricked by her!
11. My husband is a deputy director in a company, with a monthly salary of more than 30,000 yuan. But never asked him for a penny, my monthly salary of more than 6,000 yuan is enough for my own daily expenses. The husband spends money but spends a lot of money, and invites a bunch of friends to dinner every three to five years. I never paid much attention to this matter, I didn't say anything about him, after all, he worked hard to earn, just be happy. But I never expected that he would lend money to someone else behind my back. It wasn't until we bought a school district house this year that I didn't know he had lent out the money. I said: You have to get the money back, otherwise you can't buy a school district house, the child can't enjoy a good education, and we have to be responsible for the child. But as a result, my husband wanted to face the guilt of death, and instead of opening his mouth to ask for money, he also said to me: If you want more money, you have no face, and you can't go. I was very angry, so I took advantage of my husband's sleep at night, secretly took my husband's mobile phone to send a message to his brothers in the group: "Repayment within five days, 50% discount" and secretly left my bank card number, silently deleted the message, did not expect that on the third day, I received more than 500,000 accounts... I have to say that my husband is such a loser...
#Funny Moment#Funny Paragraph# #搞笑幽默趣闻 #
![Recently, in Xiangyang, Hubei Province, a lady encountered traffic jams on the road, and when she was bored, she opened the cab window to breathe. As a result, he turned his head to find that the co-pilot of the vehicle on his side was a man dressed in white[fig]](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAP///wAAACwAAAAAAQABAAACAkQBADs=)