music | Lana Del Rey - TV In Black And White (Version 2)
In the blink of an eye, 2021 has ended, and many people's feelings have changed in this year, some people have ended many years of love and long-distance running, some people are still single, some people have met their heartsick lovers, and some people are still struggling in a bad relationship.
At the beginning of the new year, I want to share some views on feelings with you, no matter what stage and state you are in, I hope it will bring you some inspiration.
01 /
I want to say to "you in a relationship":
When you meet someone, your insecurities disappear, you feel like you're about to meet a golden future every day, you look forward to being with him every day, and every thought about him has endless possibilities. Your libido is stronger than ever, but only for him. When you confide in him all this happiness, he tells you that he feels the same way.
Congratulations, love has happened!
But it won't last long. If you're in love right now, remember that feeling!
Love is not about coveting romance and not wanting to get into the complexity of life.
After many failed relationships, I have been trying to sum up the experience, each relationship has a different lesson, some teach you not to lose yourself, some teach you not to avoid problems, but what is the core factor in the development of a relationship? Thinking about it, I finally realized whether both parties have the ability and willingness to make long-term commitments, and if they can't do this, the relationship will end sooner or later.
Many people complain about insecurity in a relationship, but trust itself is actually an illusion. In theory, no one is worthy of your 100% trust. You can only choose trust, decide to trust, because of love.
What kind of partner do we really need? Well-meaning and powerful, so that you express aggression without fear of retaliation or destruction.
In intimate relationships, the principle of "separation of subjects" is very important, many of the other party's problems are actually irrelevant to you, and it is necessary to distinguish between the problems of the relationship and the problems of others.
Chinese women are too easy to reflect, men never reflect, men are by no means useless, at least they can learn their self-confidence.
No matter what happens, remember that there is nothing wrong with your feelings and that all your feelings are always right.
02 /
I want to say to "you who have lost love":
If you've just lost love right now, whether it's hard to eat, or can't sleep, or your heart is writhing to the ground. I assure you that sooner or later this suffering will end. Don't despair, get through it.
Find people who support you, whether friends or family, to stay with them and allow them to take care of you.
Whether it is to love to the point of no dignity, or to let go of love for dignity, it is very brave.
Love is much easier than hate, hate consumes energy, and love radiates resonance.
You can do anything that makes you feel better, but don't rush to heal your old love with a new one, which is not only useless, but also makes you feel worse.
If you can, don't give up work, even if you go to the office every day to punch and sit, it can help you maintain the order of daily life, give you some of the sense of accomplishment you need most now, and give you the bottom. Thanks for the work.
Time is linear, all we have is the present moment, and when you are immersed in the pain of past relationships, you also lose the present moment. So it's better to look up at the trees, or look at the sky and feel the wind at the moment.
Before you're done rebuilding yourself, let go of external aggression, even if the relationship brings you a lot of anger. Keep all your time and energy to yourself, because now is the best time for you to rebuild yourself.
Many people themselves have personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality, paranoid personality, avoidant personality, etc., what he does has nothing to do with what you do to him, and what kind of person you are, let go of self-reflection and harshness.
It's true that the other person's mention of breaking up means you can't meet his needs anymore, which is a shame, but we also don't live to meet someone else's needs.
03 /
I want to say to "you who are disappointed in love":
We are all ordinary people, and the people you love are also ordinary people, and ordinary people have limitations. Because it is the love of ordinary people, it is full of regret and hurt.
The meaning of love in the hearts of many people is to be loved, which means to find someone who fully meets their own needs and feels disappointed in love if they cannot achieve it. This is not love, but delusion.
Do you really love yourself? Loving yourself means seeing your true needs, accepting yourself completely, and having the ability to take care of yourself, accompany yourself, and empathize with yourself. He who does not love himself can never love others, nor can he ever get love.
You can be disappointed in someone, but don't be disappointed in love, love is always good.
Some people treat the feelings of failure as wounds, and some people as medals. Just as some people feel that divorce is a shame, some people feel that divorce is worth celebrating.
Never punish one person with anger at another. In doing so you hurt two people, yourself, and the one who truly loves you.
True love is healthy, safe, and can even be a little boring. Those emotions full of pain and destruction may have fatal temptations, but they are not love.
04 /
I would like to say to "you who have been single for a long time":
The English fall in love of love is the meaning of falling in love, and the occurrence of love is an accident and involuntariness. So don't worry too much when it's not there yet, because you never know when you're going to fall in love.
Some people are single because they have not met the right person for a while, and some people actively choose to be single because they are afraid of deep intimacy, such as fear of losing their space, fear of being rejected, and fear of taking responsibility.
Don't start a relationship because you're lonely and you'll regret it.
Being single is actually a very valuable experience, and you can spend a lot of money trying new things, meeting new friends, and getting along with yourself. When you're in your forties struggling with your daughter's early love problems, or when your sixties are arguing with your boss on a trip and your blood pressure spikes, you're bound to miss that time immensely.
But singleness is addictive, and over time, regardless of psychological or physical needs, they tend to solve themselves. If you want to fall in love, you still have to step out of your psychological comfort zone.
Being single is also an option, and no matter how old you are, you're not to be ashamed of.
@Wei Wei:
Suddenly wanted to share a story told to me by a friend yesterday.
Friends made me discover that a person who is full of achievement in his work and who is constantly being affirmed by the outside world will also be PUA in intimate relationships.
No matter how many times she is publicly liked by her boss and customers, how many explosive content she makes, how many bloggers she signs in, how many bonuses she gets every month... She was still dwarfed in intimacy.
The boyfriend would use nihilism to verify to her that all this was meaningless.
"I think you're your boss's money-making machine, your company's rules and regulations have dismembered your whole person into tools, and you've instilled a false sense of accomplishment through various incentive management tools, and is all this really what you want to do?" If you only have a few years left in your life, are you really willing to put your time into this kind of work? Is what you do really your favorite? Don't you think it's a failure? ”......
After being brainwashed repeatedly, the friend actually shook his mind, was shrouded in a deep sense of nothingness, and began to be depressed and autistic, falling into self-doubt.
I would say that the impact of intimacy on people is more important than we think.
Hopefully, we can all be nourished by love, not regurgitated.