3 years old to see big, 7 years old to see old? No! How did I overcome the bad personality tendencies I developed in my childhood?

Text | He Rihui

Publish | Sunny day psychology

01. "3 years old looks big, 7 years old looks old" is not absolute

There is a saying among the people in our country, "3 years old looks big, 7 years old looks old", which means that from childhood and even young children, you can roughly see their adult or even old age personality, life trajectory, whether they can achieve achievements and so on.

For example, many successful people show extraordinary talent or perseverance as children, while some vicious criminals show their cruel and violent side at a young age.

In the in-depth psychological intervention, we also found that some things that individuals experience in infancy, although they do not remember at the explicit memory level, are still stored at the level of implicit memory, and deeply affect their personality traits and psychological state.

If the individual suffered superimposed psychological trauma in infancy and childhood, showing a timid and cowardly personality, and its growth environment and family environment are always not ideal, then it is indeed easy for them to continue to continue their timid, inferior, and introverted personality when they grow up, and if it is serious, they may even appear depression, bipolar disorder, paranoid personality disorder, etc.

If individuals have formed a large number of positive and positive memory events since childhood, behave lively, generously, and sensibly in childhood, and their subsequent growth environment and family environment are relatively good, they are more likely to develop sunny and optimistic excellent personality traits when they grow up, and they are more successful in study, work and interpersonal relationships, and are more likely to achieve some achievements.

From the above point of view, "3 years old looks big, 7 years old looks old" does have some truth.

However, I believe many people have also discovered that this sentence is not absolute. For example, the famous "Wounded Zhongyong", when it is young, it may not be good; For example, Zeng Guofan, who was extremely stupid when he was a child, but became a heavy minister of the late Qing Dynasty when he grew up.

In our in-depth psychological intervention, we also found that many teenagers performed well when they were young, and were once "other people's children", and their parents and teachers were very proud and thought that these children would become big in the future.

As a result, many of these children have "insufficient stamina", when academic competition increases and encounters major setbacks, their hearts gradually collapse, not only can not maintain academic excellence, but even have serious mental and psychological problems, suspended from school at home.

For example, Junchen, who has received our in-depth psychological intervention, has very good grades in primary school, has all-round development of moral, intellectual, physical, aesthetic and labor, is the team committee in the school, and is a proper "child of others". The adults around him feel that it is only a matter of time before he is admitted to key middle schools and universities in the future, and his future is bright.

But in junior high school, Junchen's learning status has declined, and he did not do well in the middle school exam. After reaching high school, his academic state continued to be sluggish, and he also had somatic symptoms such as vomiting and diarrhea, and was subsequently diagnosed with depression, tried many methods, and his recovery was not ideal, and he had to suspend school when his condition was serious.

If the teacher of Junchen Primary School knew about his later state, he would definitely be very shocked, and he couldn't believe that such an excellent child would not be able to go to school. Fortunately, after our deep psychological intervention, Junchen has passed the darkest moment of his life, slowly regained his state, and is more peaceful than before.

We also met some old people who especially love to praise their grandchildren, always saying in front of everyone that their grandchildren and granddaughters will have a chance when they grow up, and they will be admitted to Tsinghua Peking University, become officials, and become scientists.

Some old people are out of blind spoiling and simple expectations, but some old people do see the potential of some character or ability in their grandchildren, such as particularly strong memory, outstanding logical thinking ability, and combined with the saying "3 years old to see big, 7 years old to see old", they think that children are very likely to have something when they grow up.

But they do not know that their behavior actually constantly affects the child, if the child is repeatedly overpraised, and there is no rational and positive guidance for them, they are easy to form a pathological positive emotional experience, the heart is inflated and self-righteous when the good times are good, and the temporary setbacks and failures cannot be accepted in adversity, burying the hidden danger of bipolar disorder.

And some of the other teenagers we met, they were examples of "counterattack" when they were not favored as children, but when they grew up.

For example, in 2006 I met a teenager whose father was an entrepreneur and whose family was particularly well-off. Since he was a child, he loved to eat, drink and play, did not want to read, and later became addicted to drugs and abused cough water. His parents hated iron and almost gave up on him. Other adults hindered the face of his parents, although they did not dare to belittle him in person, but they all looked down on him in their hearts, thinking that this child was a gentleman and basically wasted.

Later, when he was an adult, his father died suddenly in a car accident, leaving behind a huge company. His mother was unable to manage the company, and relatives in the family could only help temporarily, and eventually the burden could only fall on his shoulders.

He seemed to have grown up overnight, and in a short period of time he matured psychologically, not only took the initiative to seek medical treatment, quit cough water, but also worked hard to learn company management knowledge, and gradually took over his father's company.

Of course, this case has certain peculiarities. His sudden "prodigal son turned back", certainly not only because of the sudden death of his father, but more importantly, he had some more positive experiences and experiences in the process of growing up, so that he actually loved his parents very much in his heart, hoped that he could meet his parents' expectations, and always had requirements for himself.

It's just that because he encountered some events and became a learning disability and became addicted to drugs, he acted like a "bad boy".

Therefore, not everyone will be reborn when they encounter major changes, and everyone's thinking pattern in dealing with setbacks and difficulties is different, some people will wake up, and some people will be slumped from then on.

02. Parents do these points to guide their children to control their own destiny

A person's growth process is continuous, dynamic, full of changes, and there are many unknowns on the road of life. An individual's psychological state, personality traits, etc. do not necessarily follow the trajectory or trend of childhood.

Although the phrase "3 years old looks big, 7 years old looks old" has a certain practical basis, from the perspective of precision psychology, this sentence is not a truly scientific law of adult success.

On the contrary, whether the child is very good and mediocre when he is young, or he seems very ignorant and has many character weaknesses, if parents can consciously do the following, children will be more likely to have real good qualities and realize the value of life when they grow up.

First, guide children to have the awareness and ability of self-reflection, change and improvement, whether in good times or bad, and develop a pampered mentality, which can help children constantly improve themselves and grow.

Second, guide children to take every difficulty and setback as an opportunity to learn, and review in time, even if they encounter major changes and difficulties, although it is inevitable to be painful, but also enhance their awareness in time, realizing that this is likely to be a major opportunity for their own rebirth and nirvana.

Except for the young man we mentioned above who "grew up overnight" after his father's death in a car accident, in fact, almost every teenager who has systematically received our deep psychological intervention is a typical example.

When their emotional problems and behavioral problems are very serious, they not only cannot go to school, cannot go out to socialize, but also self-harm uncontrollably, have strong suicidal thoughts, and even almost end their lives several times. For them and their parents, the sky is falling, and life seems to see no hope.

After in-depth psychological intervention, their emotional problems were not only greatly alleviated, but their cognition was also rapidly improved, becoming more rational, wise and mature. And because they have experienced extremely painful emotional difficulties and established a "high adverse quotient", there are many twists and turns and difficulties in life that become almost worthless, and their hearts are very strong.

Their parents not only came out of the pain, but also learned the knowledge and skills to get along with their children scientifically and communicate effectively, and quickly improved family relationships. Some parents have even significantly improved their existing personality abnormalities, as if they had changed their personalities, and they were reborn and gave their families a great surprise.

For example, Wei Tao's father mentioned in yesterday's article, when he deeply realized that his son's emotional problems were related to his improper family education methods, he actually quit drinking alcohol addiction for more than ten years. In the past, he always advocated "the male protagonist outside and the inside and the inside", and everything at home was lost to his wife, but later he took the initiative to do housework and take care of his wife and children, and Wei Tao and his mother felt unbelievable.

Third, in the process of struggle, seize the opportunity as much as possible to achieve class jump, so that the cognitive level of the whole person will undergo greater changes.

Recently, according to reports, a "post-80s" grassroots entrepreneur has ascended to the throne of Guangzhou's richest man, he is only 39 years old Xu Yangtian.

Xu Yangtian was born in Zibo, Shandong Province, to parents who were farmers. His family's financial situation is not ideal, and part of his college tuition and living expenses are borrowed from neighbors, relatives and friends, and the other part is earned by his own work. At the most difficult time, he bought a bag of steamed buns and ate them with steamed buns dipped in soy sauce for three meals a day, just to save money for eating vegetables.

After graduating from university, Xu Yangtian applied to a company to do search engine optimization work, and it was also this job that allowed him to discover the online "traffic password"!

Later, Xu Yangtian chose to start his own business and founded the Xiyin e-commerce platform. At present, Xiyin has become a Chinese cross-border e-commerce giant, ranking the fifth largest unicorn in the world with an estimated value of 400 billion yuan, replacing "Amazon" as the most downloaded shopping app on iOS and Android platforms in the United States.

Now Xu Yangtian is like the poor boy back then, and the experience along the way and the major opportunities he has seized have made him more confident and calm, and he has rewritten his destiny.

Many people think that the current society is too rolled, even if they work hard, it is difficult to change the status quo, simply "lie flat" and do not work hard. But in fact, our current era is an era of rapid development, and many emerging industries will bring more and greater opportunities. Instead of blindly complaining and helpless, it is better to improve your knowledge reserves and vision, seize the opportunities of the times as much as possible, and rewrite your so-called destiny to the greatest extent.

03. Life is full of variables, parents should pay more attention to family education

Finally, I would like to share some of my personal experiences. Although I did not have such outstanding achievements as Xu Yangtian, to a certain extent, I also rewrote my destiny, and my life trajectory did not confirm the saying "3 years old to see big, 7 years old to see old".

I was born in rural Shandong from a poor family, my father died when I was 2 years old, and my mother died when I was 10 years old. In rural areas, children whose parents have died are often bullied and discriminated against by others. My heart was once very inferior and depressed.

Therefore, since I was a child, I have been eager to change my destiny by studying hard, working very hard, and my academic performance has always been at the top, and I have been praised by teachers and elders. This added a rare touch of vivid color to my childhood.

Although I gained some sense of accomplishment from my academic performance, I was not really confident. In my childhood, I was actually very sensitive, introverted, and always bullied.

If according to the concept of "3 years old to see big, 7 years old to see old", may be in the eyes of some adults at that time, although I have good academic performance, but I am just a nerd, I may be admitted to a good school in the future, after graduation to engage in some intellectual labor work, but will only follow the steps, this duty, will not achieve much, according to the current statement, just a "small town brusher".

In fact, even though I was later admitted to Tongji Medical College of Huazhong University of Science and Technology and obtained a master's degree in medicine from Fudan University, I still have a deep self-esteem, and even have a certain paranoid personality tendency, very sensitive to some unintentional words and deeds of others, easy to get angry, giving people a feeling of a bit of "axis", and the classmates and colleagues who have worked with me may have a deeper experience.

For example, when I was still working in the anesthesiology department, whenever I heard people call me "anesthesiologist" instead of calling me "anesthesiologist", but directly calling me "anesthesiologist" or even "anesthesiologist", my heart was very angry, and on some special occasions, I was even angry.

But then I learned about scientific spiritual psychology, and as we made many breakthrough discoveries in our work in the field, especially with a deeper understanding of precision psychology, I really gradually became confident and knew why I was in a "state of agitation" before, and finally eliminated paranoid personality tendencies.

And I am not only above, not only books, not only outside, only truth, the courage to break the convention, finally, I was able to control my own destiny, started 5 times successively, and created my own platform. Currently, I am about to start my 6th venture.

Sometimes when I look back on my past experiences, especially my childhood experiences, I often feel like I am a world away, as if my current me and my past me are not the same person at all. Of course, I am well aware that there are opportunities brought about by the great changes of the times.

However, there are many parents who understand this uncertainty in life from another perspective:

Since life is full of variables, and the child's future encounters are unpredictable and cannot be arranged, then simply let the child grow freely, and the children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, and they can be stocked.

Moreover, many parents born in the post-70s and post-80s have not been disciplined by too many parents since childhood, and they have indeed grown up free-range, and their respective lives have been good when they grow up.

The pros and cons of this concept are obvious. The advantage is that parents will not be overly anxious, will not put too much psychological pressure on their children, and the environment in which the children are located is more tolerant and relaxed, and they do live more freely and happily.

If there are unintentional positive factors that affect the child, the child may even quickly find a purpose in life and be willing to work hard for it and achieve something. On the surface, it seems that the best home education is to wait for the flowers to bloom without intervention.

However, this perception is also very risky. In the 60s and 80s, many families had multiple children, and parents were too busy with their livelihoods and "survival" problems to take care of their children's education. Parents have done their best to give birth to their children and raise them, and as for subsequent development, it can only depend on the child's personal creation and the opportunities of the times.

But now is no longer that era. Today, our living conditions have greatly improved, and most children are born with material satisfaction, even material excess. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, they are particularly concerned with spiritual satisfaction and emotional appeals.

If parents adopt the "free-range" method, they are likely to ignore the emotional needs of their children, and even inadvertently cause a lot of superimposed psychological trauma to their children, burying hidden dangers of psychological problems.

Moreover, this era is full of all kinds of temptations, all kinds of distorted three views and uneven network information, if children are allowed to develop freely, they are easily affected by some negative factors, have serious character problems, and go astray without knowing it.

Therefore, although life is full of variables, there are many basic and fundamental things that can still be mastered in one's own hands. Parents consciously adopt scientific and intelligent family education methods, master the laws behind adult success, maintain attention and active guidance in the growth of children, and children can lay a good psychological foundation and character foundation.

If children encounter opportunities in the future, they are likely to become the "prepared person", seize the opportunity to go up, and realize the meaning of life.

Even if opportunities are rare, when children encounter setbacks and difficulties, they can adjust their state in time to avoid forming superimposed psychological trauma, and may even turn bad things into good things, constantly improve in difficulties, spoil and not be shocked, and better move forward on the road of life.