"Children's Day" is coming, should parents give their children "happy" or "happy" childhood?
Many parents hope that their children can spend their childhood happily and carefree, without too much pressure and schoolwork, this starting point is good, but I want to remind this part of parents: a happy childhood is not equal to a happy childhood, the latter is more meaningful than the former.
01. The so-called "happy education" has certain pitfalls
Recently, McDonald's and KFC's Children's Day related toys were officially released, but children and teenagers were not attracted by it, but many young people, even young people who had become parents, rushed to buy them.
Some of them are left with a lot of regrets because they were not happy when they were young, and their parents could not or were unwilling to fulfill their dreams of owning these toys.
And when these people become parents, childhood regrets are likely to continue to affect them. They believe that children's childhood must be happy and what they want must be satisfied, otherwise it can easily lead to "an unhappy childhood, which must be healed with a lifetime".
In addition, there are now many short videos promoting such views on the Internet. For example, we analyzed a "100,000+" traffic video, the psychology professor in the video said that parents should continue to sow the seeds of happiness and happiness in their children's hearts, and when their children encounter wind and rain and twists and turns in the future, they feel hesitant and injured, these good memories can illuminate the child's way forward and even cure depression.
Therefore, this part of the parents is likely to form an obsession, "I just want my children to grow up happy!" "They don't require their children to excel, they don't put pressure on their children to learn, and they may even feel that as long as the child is stressed, childhood will be unhappy."
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In fact, this so-called "happy education" has certain traps, if you do not grasp the degree well, too much emphasis on making children "happy", it is easy to make children only satisfied with eating, drinking and having fun, it is difficult to overcome the animal instinct of "seeking benefits and avoiding harm", and only willing to do those things that can obtain instant happiness, such as addicted to games and other pastimes.
For relatively boring and boring learning, it is difficult and unwilling for them to sink down and continue to work hard, resulting in a weak academic foundation.
At first, the gap between the children was not large, the parents felt that it did not matter, and the children did not feel anything. But as they grow up with their peers, when facing entrance examinations, they can clearly see the gap between themselves and others, and it is easy to have low self-esteem, stress, anxiety, learning disabilities, and may also develop secondary emotional disorders.
When they enter society, it is difficult to be competitive enough, and they may only be forced to live a life they do not like, or even face a life crisis, and attribute the reason to society or "excessive involvement".
Moreover, "happy education" is not conducive to cultivating children's stress resistance and "high adverse quotient", once children suffer some major setbacks and difficulties, it is likely to be easily "knocked down", and form superimposed psychological trauma, the risk of depression, bipolar disorder and so on.
02. Parents should give their children a happy childhood more than happiness
I think that what parents really want to give to their children should be a happy childhood.
What is the difference between "happy" and "happy"? There is no standard answer to this question, the benevolent and the wise see the wise. But I agree with Professor Talbin Shahar of Harvard University's interpretation of "happiness" – happiness is the total experience of joy and meaning.
The state of happiness is happiness and meaning.
In fact, as an animal, it is not difficult for humans to be happy. Happy when eating food, happy when buying something you like, happy when watching funny videos, and even taking drugs, gambling, and indulging in pornographic behavior, will bring "happiness" in the physiological sense. But these are short-lived, superficial emotions, like just as we feel spicy whenever we eat chili peppers, which is just a conditioned reflex that makes little sense.
Happiness is a lasting thought, an emotion, and becomes a lasting action. We are willing to work hard and pay for this happiness, and finally reap a sense of achievement and pleasure. This is incomparable to short-term happiness, and it is also more meaningful to our whole life.
So, how do parents give their children a "happy childhood"?
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First, it does not blindly advocate "happy education", but it does not mean that it can blindly "chicken dolls". Otherwise, the child is under depression for a long time, and it is easy to form superimposed psychological trauma.
In addition to relaxing on Children's Day, birthdays and other holidays, children should also relax and have a degree in ordinary times, combine work and rest, and arrange study, rest, relaxation and social activities reasonably and scientifically.
Second, there are things to do at every stage of life, and parents should guide their children to realize that childhood also has "tasks", which include the following aspects:
Establish a positive three views. Parents should guide their children to complete good socialization, abide by public order, moral norms, empathy for others, and have positive three views through scientific family education. These are important signs of whether a child is an "adult" or not.
Cultivate interest in learning, scientific learning methods, and learning meaning. In the childhood, these points are more important than excellent academic performance, and can ensure that the child has a steady stream of learning motivation.
Especially the meaning of learning, which many parents may not have thought deeply about. Learning is not only to increase knowledge and ability and better survive in society, but also to have greater freedom in one's own life, to choose one's favorite life path to a greater extent, and ultimately to realize personal value and meaning in life.
Parents can also consciously combine their children's learning situations with happy and pleasant emotional experiences, which is conducive to shaping a state of efficient learning.
Learn to self-reflect and avoid personality problems. Self-reflection is a very important ability, and this ability can only be learned through nurture, relying on the words and deeds and active guidance of people around children.
Therefore, parents should first lead by example, when encountering setbacks and interpersonal conflicts, parents should learn to deeply self-reflect, change and improve, do not blame others and society, less complaining, more introspection. This can have a subtle effect on the child.
When children encounter setbacks and interpersonal conflicts, parents should also consciously guide them to self-reflection, change and improvement.
Create a "high adverse quotient" that is becoming more and more courageous. Among the factors that determine whether a person can succeed, the core is the inverse quotient (AQ), followed by emotional intelligence (EQ), and then the intelligence quotient (IQ).
"High adverse quotient" helps children to face difficulties when encountering difficulties, move forward courageously, and even turn bad things into good things, and after overcoming difficulties, they can also improve themselves. Moreover, "high adverse quotient" also involves the cultivation of children's sense of security, which we will analyze later.
Third, in the era of digital planet, the ideal parent is to "give birth, nurture, and teach" in place, that is, parents can not only be satisfied with being "biological parents" and "parenting parents", but also consciously become children's "spiritual, ideal parents, and educate children into adults".
In this era of material abundance and even material excess, it is very important to meet the spiritual needs of children, truly enter the child's heart, and give the child full love, spiritual nourishment and positive guidance.
June Day is coming, I hope that while parents take their children to relax and have fun, we must also think about how we can become the ideal parents in the minds of our children, how to give our children a truly happy childhood, and even extend this happiness to their children's lives!