Text | Late love
Source | Pour what we can to live (public number: wanqingdepingtai)
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My wife just can take good care of my daily life, talk very little, and there are very few topics when the two of them are together, so that I don't know what to talk to her after work.
It was a good fit, and she was very cooperative with me. She is a very gentle person, but she is also very weak, so that I feel a little afraid that we will really have to live like this in the future?
Our family is not short of money, but she is very thrifty, not willing to spend money, may be related to her original family, sometimes feel that the two people's consumption concept is not the same, because I am more pursuit of quality of life.
The two of us have different academic qualifications, she is an ordinary book, and I am a top 20 graduate student.
My friend she doesn't like to fit in, but I can feel that she loves me, so much so that I don't think she really integrates into my circle, she is a bit inferior, has few friends, usually does not like to go out shopping, and likes to study food on weekends.
After a year of marriage, we did not have children, I can see that she likes children, but she does not dare to ask, always told me that I am not good enough, can not be a good mother.
My wife and I work in the same unit with different departments.
When my girlfriend got married a few years ago, I thought I would never fall in love with someone else again in my life, and then my lover entered our current unit, because the work intersected and slowly matured.
It was difficult for me to come out during that time, but she felt that she was always with me, and I told her some things about the past, and slowly got together, and I was very sure that she only loved me now.
I've asked her before what she likes about me, and she says she can't say it either, she just loves the feeling of companionship.
I asked this question either to dump her or to ask what to do to elevate the relationship between us.
What should she do from my wife's point of view? From my point of view I can do what I can do like this.
Sometimes she's too silent, and I tease her that she doesn't know what to answer.
Thank you.
I have no intention of blaming this fellow male, and I think that men who can honestly speak their inner thoughts are worthy of admiration.
Many women like to do one thing, that is, as long as what men say and do, and their own three views or expectations are different, they are eager to frustrate men.
But in reality?
Just because a man just doesn't tell you what he really thinks doesn't mean he doesn't think that way anymore.
All you can get is that his heart is getting farther and farther away from you, talking less and less, and he is talking to other people.
Perhaps many people will feel indignant when they see this man's description:
Your wife is gentle and considerate, taking care of you comfortably, and you feel that she can't be a soul mate with you, why is your face so big?
In fact, from the analysis of human nature, this phenomenon is very easy to understand, and many people encounter setbacks in their feelings, which is also caused by not understanding human nature.
When his ex-girlfriend got married, he was discouraged and felt that he could no longer love someone else in this life, which was a typical symptom of lovelorn.
At this time, he actually needs a gentle and considerate person to accompany him, so that he feels less lonely and can feel warm.
So when such a person appears, he will naturally go close to her, because at this time she is like a warm coat, like a cluster of flames in the dark, a little hope in life.
He's acting on instinct, he can't think about whether we're compatible, whether I really love her, what he needs is someone to take him out of the haze of lost love.
And she's one of those people.
In fact, many women are the same, when they lose love, they will become particularly vulnerable, if there is a meticulous man around them at this time to care about themselves, to explain themselves, they will easily accept.
Because vulnerable people want to grab hold of the driftwood around them.
When you are vulnerable to love, you can also clearly understand your feelings, your own needs, and do not covet the warm people, very few.
It takes extreme sobriety, extreme self-control, and those who can have this kind of mind and self-control are not ordinary people.
Arguably, 99% of people can't do it.
They will catch the person who is close to them when they are in love, no matter what the future holds.
But all the feelings and pains in the world, time can be healed, no matter how dead and alive the love was, how painful the breakup was, as long as the time is long enough, it can come out.
People who have been trapped in lost love all their lives are also unique.
It's just that many people are not willing to face the loneliness of time alone, and always have to find someone to accompany them.
But when time slowly heals the previous relationship, then the real needs will bubble up, and they will begin to consider that the person around them does not seem to be what they really like, and the person around them cannot meet their core needs.
But at this time, most of them have either been together for two or three years, or they have been married, and at this time, they have dumped others, and they cannot get by morally and psychologically.
After all, the other party has no fault, but also the people who have accompanied themselves, as long as people with a little conscience, they can't get their hands on it.
So we move on to the second stage: change and reinvention.
They want to change and reinvent each other as people they like.
In this way, you do not have to break up with each other, bear the name, but also meet your spiritual needs, is this not the best of both worlds?
This is actually what many people really think.
Don't they know that they can go back to find a satisfactory one?
Absolutely.
But where is it so easy, the debt in the heart, the difficulty in reality, are the reasons why it is not satisfactory.
So, the vast majority of people are pinning their hopes on change.
And they also have a psychological advantage:
In fact, I am not satisfied with you, but I have not abandoned you, so should you change for me? As long as you change and become the way I like it, we will all be happy.
But they did not take into account the fact that people are difficult to change, everyone has their own temperament, they have lived in this world for decades, and where it is said that they can be changed.
For example, an apple tree, it has been bearing apples for many years, you suddenly ask it to bear pears, can it bear fruit?
This is difficult for strong people!
In the end, it will enter the third stage: either change yourself or suffer from each other.
For example, this man's wife, she is a quiet and gentle person by nature, you want to turn her into a humorous and interesting woman, the soul is fragrant, that is impossible, she can't do it!
So the end result is either that you accept her status quo, adjust your mindset, and don't try to change her.
Either it's constantly demanding her, changing her, and eventually both of them are miserable until the feelings are completely consumed, or they are separated from each other.
The next words are addressed to all the men and women in the red dust.
In fact, life is divided into many stages, and there will be different needs at different stages.
For example, in the hot love period, what you need is the hot love of the other party, which can make you love unforgettable.
After many years of marriage, what you need is freshness, do not want life to be too bland, and always feel that the scenery outside is not better.
But in the twilight twilight, if the other party is still very fond of tossing, incomparably hot, you will not be able to stand it, you just want to live a plain life, someone asks you porridge is warm, someone accompanies you to stand dusk.
If every stage of a person needs to be met, how many people does he or she need to find in this life?
Looking for someone incredibly enthusiastic when you're young? Looking for a soul mate when you get married? Looking for gentle and virtuous people when you are old?
Or is it true that the needs at different stages have been met, and life is really complete?
No, it won't.
At this time, you may be regretting why you did not stay with the person you are in love with, why you failed the person who was very good to you in marriage, why you let your children not get a complete family because of yourself.
At this time, regret is more than happiness, and regret is greater than satisfaction. For man's desires are endless.
A truly relatively complete life is one that has a clear understanding, is willing to take responsibility for one's own choices, and is willing to control one's desires at different stages.
In this way, when you are old, you will be relieved, you will be at ease, and you may also have regrets, feeling that you have not let yourself live as you want in this life.
But compared with the indulgence and indiscretion of many people, you will find that in fact, your own slightly regrettable life is already a happiness that is difficult for others to achieve.
If a person has such a state of mind in marriage, it is difficult to think of unhappiness in this life.
- END -
Evening Love: Million-selling author, screenwriter, founder of Yunyixuan Jewelry, focusing on women's self-growth, believing that growth is more important than business. The representative work "Be a Just Right Woman" and the new book "The More Self-Disciplined, the More Free" are selling well. Public number: Pour what we can to live, Weibo @ the nest of late love