Text/Xi Xi Huan
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Many people say that there is no pure friendship between men and women, and the opposite sex attracts each other, and there must be places in the other party that fascinate and appreciate and admire, and this feeling is actually very complicated.
Once a friend almost divorced her husband because of a friend of the opposite sex, and finally woke up to her final understanding that there were some boundaries between friends of the opposite sex that should be kept, that is responsible for herself and the other party.
Sun Yan is a big grinning girl, when she went to college, she had a lot of friends of the opposite sex, but she felt that these people were her buddies, and there was no love between them, so it was also frank and frank to get along, and there was no taboo.
But later after having a boyfriend, Sun Yan began to feel contradictory, in her heart, the boyfriend is a careful man, every time she and those friends of the opposite sex party, he does not participate in the meeting, but also always a lot of complaints, think that she is a woman often with those men brotherhood, let him feel uncomfortable.
Over time, one of Sun Yan's buddies also had an opinion, he did not want to provoke the relationship between Sun Yan and her boyfriend, but he did not want to lose Sun Yan's friend, she was frank and cute, and she was righteous enough to be a friend, so he cherished the friendship with Sun Yan.
Seeing that Sun Yan was always embarrassed by her boyfriend, and even reduced the number of times she spent time with these friends, he began to talk about her boyfriend's not in front of Sun Yan, and even bluntly said that if a big man is confident, why bother so much.
Although Sun Yan also values this friend, in her heart, she also cherishes her boyfriend, so she feels that this friend's words make her feel very comfortable in her heart, and she begins to alienate him.
Once talking to her boyfriend about this matter, Sun Yan believed her boyfriend's words, that friend may really have feelings for her beyond friendship, so he will repeatedly denigrate his boyfriend in front of her.
In fact, friends of the opposite sex often give us an emotional catharsis, such as some words we can't say to our parents, we can't say to our lovers, and we can't say to ordinary friends, if there is a blue-faced confidant or a red-faced confidant, they will help us keep secrets, and they will be a good listener.
However, many people have lost in scale and proportion, and finally the heterosexual friendship that could have accompanied them has deteriorated.
Therefore, friends of the opposite sex want to remain pure and not talk about these sensitive topics, especially the last one, because once many words are spoken, there is no room for redemption.
01 Don't point fingers at each other's feelings
Just like Sun Yan's friend above, maybe it's just good intentions, maybe it's really as Sun Yan's boyfriend said, his feelings for Sun Yan really go beyond the boundaries of friendship.
In any case, no matter how deep the feelings between friends of the opposite sex, they are only friends, so do not point fingers at each other's feelings without scruples, and do not accuse their lovers of words and deeds in front of each other without understanding the situation.
Once this boundary is crossed, the relationship between the opposite sex invisibly seems to change, and if the other party accepts this statement, it means that he allows friends of the opposite sex to participate in his private feelings.
Love is selfish, it is only about two people, and any third person involved will affect the feelings between the two people no matter what, and will also make this heterosexual friendship no longer pure.
If you really cherish this friendship with the other party, then you must keep good boundaries, know what to say and what not to say, what you need to do is to support and respect any choice of the other party, and give him advice when he needs it, rather than pointing fingers at his feelings by subjective consciousness.
The relationship between friends of the opposite sex becomes impure and ambiguous, starting from crossing the line, because there is no standing within the boundaries that should be kept, so too much participation in each other's lives and feelings, it is naturally easy to have thoughts and emotions that should not be had.
02 Don't talk about fantasizing about love and marriage
In fact, it is difficult to grasp the good measure of feelings between the opposite sex, far from reaching the point of confidant, just the general friendship relationship, dispensable; close is easy to lose the measure, so that the friendship that should be pure becomes ambiguous, and the final result is that even ordinary friends have no need to do it, which may be what both parties do not want to see.
Friends of the opposite sex are indispensable to chat, after all, only the three views on the same channel will have feelings of pity for each other, and friendship will also complete the deepening of understanding of each other in the process of chatting, becoming a very important friend in each other's life.
However, the topic of chat is actually exquisite, if you talk about everything, not only will not deepen the feelings, but will make the relationship between the two people fall into an embarrassing situation.
Friends of the opposite sex can talk about work, life, happy and unhappy things, but it is best not to talk about love and marriage.
Once there is too much resonance in the aspect of feelings, there will be an illusion that the other party is the one who really understands themselves, and invisibly will regard the other party as the most ideal partner in their fantasies.
With such an idea, it will undoubtedly make the friendship with the other party begin to deteriorate, and unconsciously there will be higher requirements and expectations for the other party, but after all, it is not love, so the final result may not be what is hoped.
03 Don't talk about conflicts with your lover
Many people in the lovers of the conflict, urgent need an emotional catharsis, if you say to the same-sex friends will inevitably become more angry, and with the opposite sex friends are different, the opposite sex friends will stand on their opposite side, rationally give analysis and advice.
However, if you frequently talk to friends of the opposite sex about the contradictions between yourself and your lover, this time is the time when you need comfort in your heart the most, and the support and understanding given by friends of the opposite sex are easy to misunderstand yourself, produce wrong emotional dependence, and even involuntarily compare your lover with friends of the opposite sex.
You know, when people are in a low mood, their emotional dependence on anyone is not love, but only a psychological bias, so if you want to maintain a pure relationship with friends of the opposite sex, try not to talk about your contradictions and differences with your lovers in front of each other.
It is actually fortunate to have a confidant of the opposite sex, because the other party will give you different opinions and opinions, and will also make you feel the support of another form of power in many cases, so it is even more important to cherish and operate well.
END.