01
In the hearts of many people, filial piety is to obey their parents, not to rebel, let alone to deceive.
Many parents also like to control their children's lives in their own hands, what profession to study, what job to find, when to get married, and what kind of object to find.
It is this kind of control that makes children more rebellious, and once they leave their parents, they are no longer willing to tell their parents any news about themselves.
Some people say that parents are the closest people to their children, and they should let their parents know everything in detail, which is the minimum trust between relatives.
But everyone's original family is different, can not be generalized, more often, or in the premise of not hurting the parent-child feelings, try to be themselves.
02
Xiao Li's mother is a very strong and shrewd woman, who can take care of Xiao Li and her brother when she was a child, and even Xiao Li can be found throwing a piece of eraser.
Under the strict teaching of their mother, Xiao Li and his brother grew up almost in two opposite directions.
Xiao Li belongs to the more severe the harder, thinking that he must be admitted to a good university and leave this home.
Xiao Li's younger brother is completely free of himself, no matter what his mother says, he will not change.
Although the mother always told her brother how good Xiao Li was and how to learn from her brother, in fact, Xiao Li knew in her heart that her mother preferred her brother.
It is also this kind of cognition that makes Xiao Li work harder, he is not like his brother who has a mother's love, he has no dependence.
Fortunately, Xiao Li got his wish, was admitted to a key university, and also found a good job after graduation. However, the younger brother got into a fight with his classmates in high school and went to the police station, and was finally dissuaded by the school.
This dropout, the younger brother is even more unlearned, and his parents can't manage him, so they left him to Xiao Li and let Xiao Li help him find a job, so that he can live a normal life, and don't go out all day to cause trouble.
Although Xiao Li was not happy, but his mother spoke, no matter what, he had to manage it, but his brother had no academic qualifications, he wanted ability, and he had no other ability except for greater strength.
Before and after looking for barbershop apprentices, real estate sales, supermarket tally clerks, etc., the younger brother is a variety of interfaces can not do, either too lazy to be fired, or with the colleague leader conflict was fired, in short, what to do is not to add chaos to the first place.
Originally, Xiao Li didn't want to pay attention to his brother anymore, but it was not a matter of his brother living in his own home every day, Xiao Li had to entrust the relationship and help his brother find a security job, and also gave his brother an ultimatum, if he couldn't do it, he simply went back to his hometown, don't bother him here.
It may be that Xiao Li's threat played a certain role, and this time the younger brother was much more honest.
Of course, Xiao Li does not have much time to take care of his brother's affairs, he is in love, girls are their downstairs company, always take the elevator together, one or two will be familiar, occasionally make a dinner, found that the two people's hobbies and ideas are very consistent, Xiao Li naturally seized the opportunity, and confessed to the girl.
This year's New Year, Xiao Li took his girlfriend back to his hometown, Xiao Li's family is not rich, but the conditions are not bad, the situation at home Xiao Li said to his girlfriend in the morning, and his girlfriend also expressed understanding, the two people really want to be with each other.
But Xiao Li's mother does not think so, think that the girl is the figure of Xiao Li's money, horizontal and vertical to see Xiao Li's girlfriend is not pleasing to the eye, the gap between meals and Xiao Li quietly said to guard against a little girlfriend, this is not yet married, must not buy her expensive things, try not to spend money on her.
For his mother's suggestion, Xiao Li is casually listening, whether his girlfriend is sincere with him, he is very clear in his heart, but whether his mother's words are good for him, but not necessarily, after all, I heard that my brother also talked about his girlfriend.
Xiao Li brought his girlfriend back this time also showed his attitude, he planned to get married, but his parents did not say anything, they were all a look of pretending not to understand, Xiao Li also saw through it, and could not count on it.
Fortunately, Xiao Li's girlfriend understands him, saying that marriage is for him, now this era, the bride price is not very important, work for so many years, two people buy a house together also has the ability, there is no need to bother parents.
For the understanding of his girlfriend, Xiao Li's heart is warm, he is glad that he can meet such a good girl, so he is no longer entangled, and the two people picked a good day to get a license.
Just a few days after getting married, my mother called, first asked Xiao Li's salary, her mother used to ask for money directly, and did not ask about wages, Xiao Li felt that something was wrong, and said that the salary of twenty thousand became seven thousand.
The mother said a few words of greeting, and also instructed Xiao Li that he must not manage money for his daughter-in-law, it is best to be able to make AA with his daughter-in-law, and Xiao Li's wife is an outsider, which makes Xiao Li feel very uncomfortable, and hangs up the phone without saying a few words.
Sure enough, the mother had a backhand, and within a few months, she called again, saying that her brother wanted to buy a house when he got married, but the money was not enough, and he hoped that he, who was an older brother, could give something.
"Mom, I just finished buying a house, when I bought the house, you didn't say give me a little subsidy, I have a little salary this month, I still have to pay off the mortgage, I really can't help." 」 Xiao Li hung up the phone and was still thankful for his wit.
The younger brother is also an adult, and he can't help him for a while, not to mention that his wife has paid a lot for him, and he can't live up to her, can't he?
03
We are often troubled by some unwarranted problems, and even tied, such as family affection, such as filial piety, but we forget that independence is the foundation of a person's foothold in society, and sometimes letting go is the real "love" for them.
First: Both wise men and women know how to balance the family of origin and the small family.
The concepts of the older generation are somewhat different from those of the current young relatives, and the understanding and attitude of marriage are also very different.
Many old people feel that getting married is to live together, have children, have a dependence on each other, what love is not love, whether there is the same.
Young relatives are more willing to pursue spiritual comfort, if two people do not have love, it is better to be alone in this life.
These differences in views have also created contradictions between the two generations.
The first is the purpose of marriage, for what to marry, the elderly urge their children to get married, most of them are for the children, and the children and grandchildren are the long-cherished wishes of the older generation.
The second is how the finances are distributed after marriage. It involves how the bride price is given, how the dowry is given, and whose name is written in the house.
The old man felt that these were all given to the daughter-in-law, not insured, and once divorced, they would be divided in half.
Daughters-in-law feel that if they don't give these husbands, they don't really want to be with themselves, and they think about divorce before they are married.
And these contradictions, in the end, must be resolved by someone to balance these relationships.
Smart people know how to deal with these problems, just like Xiao Li in the above article, knowing that his brother is a bottomless pit, and also knows that his mother has been looking for his brother, but his mother is looking for him to take money, and he can't say no, too hurt feelings.
An innocuous little lie not only solves the crisis of borrowing money, but also leaves the mother speechless, and I have to say that Xiao Li is indeed very witty.
Second: Both men and women should know how to refuse to let others dictate to their marriages.
In addition to the different concepts of the elderly and young people, they also like to point fingers at many things, especially the marriage of their children.
Many parents have a certain desire to control their children's marriage, I hope that their son will find what kind of daughter-in-law, I think the son and who is more suitable, my daughter is so good must find a rich, and so on, too many.
But after all, everyone is an individual, and marriage should be based on feelings, and the other party is not an object, not a parent satisfied.
Therefore, it will also cause a lot of contradictions, especially after marriage.
If the object you are looking for is not what your parents like, once you quarrel with the object, your parents will not only not comfort you, but will also fall into the well: "You see, listen to me well." ”
Maybe at this time, you will indeed feel that your parents have experienced more, you are still too simple, maybe the person that your parents really like is more suitable for you.
In fact, it is not, and the person chosen by your parents may not be able to get along with you harmoniously.
At any time, you must take the choice in your own hands, perhaps your choice is not necessarily the most correct, but most of the marriages in which your parents interfere are unhappy.
Life is a long road, more often, it will feel better to follow your own heart.
Text/No Pen