01
In the human society, how to get along with people is always a university question.
Getting along with outsiders is for the sake of interests and friendships, and we need to grasp a good degree. And getting along with family is for the balance of relationships and the continuation of family affection, and we can't make mistakes in them.
People think that dealing with family is definitely easier than dealing with outsiders. As everyone knows, getting along with your family is the most difficult. Because of the affection itself, there are contradictions that cannot be eliminated.
Some emotional analysts have said that the family itself is a chessboard of games, and we are all chess players in the game. The closer the relationship, the more cautious the game must be.
Take the relationship between parents and children, do you think that children will be filial to their parents, and parents will be able to enjoy their old age in the company of their children? Everything is inaccurate.
Since children will be filial to their parents, they will also not be filial to their parents. Parents can raise children to prevent aging, and they will also face the crisis of "old-age prevention".
Therefore, as a parent, you must learn to "live in the world". After retirement, no matter how good the relationship with the children is, they cannot take care of these things, which will make the children unfilial.
02
No matter how good the relationship with your children is, don't talk about "money".
There is a saying that is very realistic, in the face of material interests, all feelings are vulnerable.
We always think that family affection is priceless and cannot be measured by money. But we forget this – there is nothing priceless in this world, and everyone is staring at the immediate interests to be human.
When brothers talk about money, the next moment they will settle the account; when parents and children talk about money, the next moment they will also cause a rift in the relationship.
However, many parents do not believe in evil, thinking that when they are old, they must let their children spend money to take care of them. Who knows, it is such a game of "interests" that directly makes fathers and sons or mothers and daughters "turn their faces and do not recognize people".
When people are old, they must not have the mentality of "spending their children's money in everything." Children also have to support their families, it is not easy, if the parents still force them, it is tantamount to worse, not conducive to the harmony of family affection.
If you can spend your own money, don't spend your children's money. If you can solve things on your own, don't bother your children. You know, being cautious on the issue of "interests" is the way to deal with the world.
03
No matter how good your relationship with your children is, don't impose your will on your children.
Since ancient times, we have all had such a concept that what parents say, children must obey, otherwise it is not filial piety.
Such an overly rigid concept is actually not allowed. Because children are not puppets of their parents, they also have their own ideas and pursuits, so parents should not impose their own ideas on their children.
Whatever he wants to do, let him do it, even if we know he's going to hit a nail, don't worry too much. You know, the detours that people should take in this life will not be less, why should we interfere with other people's lives?
Moreover, at some point, parents are not necessarily completely right. If we give our child the wrong information and advice, and he has fallen into bad luck and taken a detour, then he will blame us and directly affect the family relationship.
There is a principle that is particularly important in dealing with children, that is, "mutual respect for each other's freedom." I respect you, you respect me, and I will not say that you and I limit each other and have a bad life.
Parents and children are independent individuals. And between individuals, what they want is mutual respect. This is the truth.
04
No matter how good the relationship with your children is, don't care about your children's business.
When people are old and retire, why are they easily rejected by their children? One of the most important reasons is that there are too many elderly tubes. What should be managed and what should not be managed are managed, which directly makes the children feel uncomfortable.
Even if the parents are well-intentioned, the parents have violated the interests of their children, and it is believed that the children will also have a dislike for the parents.
Don't believe in what "broken mirrors are rounded up". The biggest weakness of human nature is that once some "thorns" are pierced, they cannot be picked out, and everyone will live a miserable life.
In the old age, for idle things, we only need to remember one rule - it is rare to be confused, and trivial matters are not taken care of.
What children like to eat, what are their plans for life, what is the relationship between husband and wife, how to educate children, then we don't care too much, when it is time to be confused, we have to pretend to be confused.
People, too sober, let others feel uncomfortable, after all, is not a good thing. You know, too much will make contradictions abound.
05
No matter how good the relationship with your children is, do not interfere in the lives of your children
The most important thing about getting along with each other is that you and I can "compromise", maintain an equal relationship, and will not take the generations to pressure people.
However, many people do not think so, thinking that I am the father of the family, I have to decide, and what kind of life my children live must also be approved by their parents.
This practice seems to be in line with the tradition of "filial piety". But in fact, it is particularly easy to cause disgust among children. Because the lifestyle of the older generation is different from the lifestyle of the young people, if it is not done well, it will cause conflict.
Why is there a gap between two generations? Isn't the root cause of the incomprehension between the two sides?
What is most lacking between people is understanding. I understand your difficulties, you also understand my difficulties, both sides stand in each other's point of view to think, maybe this family relationship, will be more harmonious.
Wen/Shushan has deer