How to retire early mentally?

Will you play?

Once, a writer friend said that artificial intelligence is developing so fast, in the future many things can be done by machines, people are not so useful, we still have to live, there is still so much time, what to do.

I thought about it, too. In such a life, people need to be able to play, but "playing" is not as easy as we think.

I believe that many professional people have this experience, usually always say that they are very busy and tired, want to be idle, play freely, live their own lives, but often rest for a week, will be uncomfortable.

When time belongs entirely to us, when we no longer rely on the recognition of others to obtain meaning and affirm the value of this time, how to live a full and meaningful life becomes a bit difficult.

As a result, we may habitually jump back and return to the things and rhythms that make us tired and dissatisfied, and keep ourselves busy. Because when we're busy, we don't think about it anymore.

Now there is a very common situation, when a child comes into this world, there seems to be a very clear list of time and tasks in front of them:

At what age to go to elementary school, at what age to go to middle school, at what age to go to college, what kind of primary school, what kind of middle school, what kind of university to go to, and what kind of job to look for after that, what kind of girlfriend or boyfriend to match, what kind of family to form, what kind of children to have. Then, the child's life starts all over again.

This is almost the standard template for modern people. Go to school, do something you like, like a person, these simple and spontaneous things have become labels. Everyone silently accepted the realization that if they did not carry out a certain task list and did not put a certain label on it, they would be anxious and panic.

So we spend a lot of time, energy, and passion pursuing these things, but when they do come to hand, they are far less satisfying and happy than we expected. At that moment, the disappointment and frustration that came from the depths of the heart were, in a way, what Milan Kundera called "the unbearable lightness of life."

We can endure more suffering than we imagined, especially able to endure, especially able to carry, but in the end, we find that what we get is different from those that can really comfort us, and the moment is quite unbearable.

The literati of ancient China also faced the same situation as us - reading, taking the test for fame, and then going to become an official and do things, it was also a planned life. But they invented a whole set of charging systems and ways of playing to nourish themselves: when they enter, there is a garden that can release energy, and when they return, they have safe leisure and all kinds of fun things to delight themselves.

So, can we borrow the wisdom of traditional literati to guide ourselves, get nourishment and strength from it, and help us live more freely and playfully?

Between yourself and the outside world

Draw a line

The state of "leisure" is very yearning for everyone. But I found that people actually have a misunderstanding of "leisure", that is, "nothing" as "leisure". For example, some people think that if you quit your job and don't work, you can be idle, but whenever a classmate in the classroom comes to ask me a relevant question, I usually recommend waiting first.

Living in the mountains, wearing a cloth robe and a hairpin, is just a symbolic picture. There are many mosquitoes in the mountains, and you have to deal with many unimaginable difficulties in the city, and you will soon fall into embarrassment, which is more difficult to deal with than the familiar problems that can be solved.

True leisure is energy condensation and abundance, not just staying there, without vitality and vitality, nor is it to give up the current life, change your appearance, and be a new person.

People sometimes see photos of Xuantong classroom on the Internet, you will see many beautiful flowers, exquisite snacks, and a group of people writing together, reading, sharing learning and life. Many people like it, and some people say that they do not have such time or conditions now.

But the reality is that my classmates and I have our own work and life commitments, and are very busy, and because this state is accompanied by high-intensity output and consumption, I need to find one thing to nourish and balance myself. Therefore, everyone has to think about where the source of their charging is, how to have a steady stream of energy support, and get a true sense of inner pleasure to push themselves forward.

It's not the same thing as "because it's okay, I'm going to write, to be elegant". The so-called busy and idle have no sequence or causal relationship, but exist in life at the same time.

Let's take a look at the word "leisure", outside is a "door" character, inside there is a "wood" character, wood represents a fence, like a wall or boundary, with the meaning of protection. By extension, it is a certain boundary that you draw for yourself, the outside is the world, and the inside is your own space.

In my opinion, this word represents something of principle. The world's first book of meditation professors, Tong Mengzhi Guan, mentions that leisure is "not doing many things", which translates to "I can not do those things".

"I can do those things" means "I can do these things." There are choices in life, I can do it or not, this state is called "idle". In the depth, it is because there is a margin, so calmly, able to take the initiative to decide and arrange their own life, and have choices, rather than having to.

"Having a choice" sounds a little harder, every time I talk about this subject, someone always says, I don't have a choice, I'm passive, my schedule is full...

But on the other hand, we are all familiar with such stories:

Someone is very busy, and suddenly one day because of some situation - maybe sick, maybe something happened - he broke away from his existing life and began to carry out deep self-reflection, feeling that life is so precious and beautiful, it turns out that I can not only live in busyness.

When we don't actively choose, we will one day put ourselves in an absolutely passive position until something happens that prompts us to think.

Unfortunately, this moment often happens at the end of life, or after a considerable price has been paid. When you think about choosing, the cost is already a little too high, and the chance of change is very small.

Many times, we blame this "no choice" on all sorts of problems of the times, from bad weather, to food safety, to parents, partners, or anyone. We find countless scapegoats in our lives and then boil down to four words – I don't blame me.

In fact, we really can't blame anyone. We come into this world on our own, we leave alone, and we need to take the initiative to choose and take this journey to explore how to have fun and how to value the fare. Although you can smoothly find 10,000 excuses for "I don't blame me", there really is no one who can help you take responsibility for this matter.

We need to plan for ourselves, establish principles, build that fence that helps you draw a line between yourself and the outside world, give yourself room to turn back, and be nourished.

The things we like, the things that nourish us, will make people energetic no matter how busy they are, and they don't have to avoid the hustle and bustle, but they can also have "leisure".

Change to "1/3 mode"

Many friends in their thirties and forties around me often say: When I retire or when I am done, I will go.

For example, whenever they talk about traditional wisdom, especially literati traditions such as "Qinqi, calligraphy, painting, poetry and hops", people usually feel particularly beautiful, and then say that when they retire or finish the things at hand, they also want to live that kind of life.

But instead of "waiting" and giving wishes to an unconcrete and unknowable future, it is better to slowly prepare and do the important things in life at this moment, when you can grasp it.

The traditional time allocation method is: the first 1/3 of life to study hard, the middle 1/3 to work hard, and the last 1/3 of the time, people are older, financial freedom is relatively free, children have grown up and left the side, only then began to think, how should I live well.

This approach is risky. Especially in the middle stage, when we work hard and assume the responsibilities of life, we will forget to find a source for ourselves to recharge, but create a false impression of "wait for me, I will do it". Usually when this thing is successful, you will find that it is only a process, that the result is not as dazzling as imagined, and it cannot be used as a lasting spiritual support to keep us motivated and continue to work hard.

We should strive to pursue fame and achievement outwardly, but we must also be clear: when we reach this rank, we will see that there are people in a higher rank; When the pursuit of wealth reaches its limit, you will find that there is still power beckoning to you.

It's a road with no end. You eventually have to go back to your heart and balance your inner world in order to have basic stability, otherwise no matter how much external things you have, you will eventually be lacking.

Most of the time, we're busy, but actually do a lot of useless work. The things in life that really play a big role in life, soul, and pleasure, we don't allocate a lot of time to them.

We spend too much time on things that others tell us are important, but others aren't accountable for us.

We might as well change the "1/3-1/3-1/3 model" that allocates a lifetime of time, and spend 1/3 of the time working, 1/3 studying, and 1/3 living seriously every year. Break it down again, a month, a day, can also be spent according to this logic. It's a safer way to compare things, because no one knows what will happen tomorrow.

Don't draw ourselves a pie, make up a story, put happiness in a distant place, and then trade the present moment for future happiness – in this context, we don't know when that day will come or if it will come, and we ourselves are not necessarily really busy as we think we are.

Living satisfactorily at this moment is the most important thing.

This article is excerpted from Lin Xi's "Useless Beauty"