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Any relationship in the world needs to be looked at from time to time, and the same is true for marriage.
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Text | Xiao Shu Adult Picture | Source network
Joy or sorrow - there I have always been with you
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What is the most wonderful fate in the world? That must be a couple.
It is said that "a hundred years of cultivation can be crossed by the same boat, and a thousand years of cultivation can sleep together", two people can become husband and wife, in fact, it is not easy.
From young love to white hair, it should be the most romantic thing in the world.
But marriage has never been so smooth, in the long river of human growth, I don't know how many couples will be separated.
Zhang Xiaoxian once said: "Love makes people forget time, and time also makes people forget love." ”
Marriage is not a fairy tale, it will be washed away by time, and it will also be confined to the chicken feathers of life. Therefore, there are too many endings in the world.
In fact, there are 3 situations between husband and wife, indicating that the marriage is already very dangerous, don't do it.
Your marriage has already lit up a red light, and if you don't want to have regrets, you have to pay attention.
01
When there is no desire to share with each other
Before the Internet prevailed such a sentence: "The beginning of the loss of the desire to share is the beginning of the dispersal, and the moment when the desire to share is lost after marriage is also the beginning of the demise of love." ”
I have seen such a story on the Internet, the girl shared the process of her and her husband, from nothing to nothing to say, which hurt the hearts of many people.
The girl's personality is very cheerful, and when she first joins her husband, she will tell him the funny things that happen every day. Every time she finished speaking happily, her husband would look at her.
At first, she would be embarrassed to ask her husband, "Am I talking too much?" ”
And her husband's answer to her was: "It's a happy thing to share her life with someone she likes, and I'm happy now." In order to make her happy, her husband will also share interesting things in his life with her.
The girl felt happy.
But as the two spent more time together, their words became less and less.
When a girl tells her husband that she has encountered something funny in the company, her husband will say, "How do you always pay attention to these useless things day by day?" ”
When a girl tells her husband about the problems she has encountered, the husband will say, "Why do you break so many things every day?" ”
Later, whenever a girl has many things she wants to share with her husband, the husband will say, "Why do you talk so much?" ”
Gradually, the girl did not say anything to her husband and friend.
Usually together, the husband plays games and she watches dramas. Two hearts that are getting farther and farther apart in the same space.
Therefore, when the two people are emotionally stable in the eyes of outsiders, the girl chooses to divorce.
Fu Seoul once said: "The desire to share is the basis of intimacy." You meet someone and you don't want to share anything with him, then the relationship between you is not related. ”
Psychologists have found that in an intimate relationship, the loss of love generally begins with a decrease in the desire to share.
In the married life of Yang Dai and Qian Zhongshu, Mr. Yang Dai would say a lot of "nonsense" every day and share many inconspicuous things. And Mr. Qian Zhongshu will also go out of his way to talk with her and share it together.
The so-called happy love is sometimes just a love to say, a willing to listen.
Therefore, when you find that your other half has less desire to share with yourself in married life, you must pay attention.
02
The eyes are full of each other's shortcomings
As the saying goes: "The lover's eyes are out of the west".
Only when a person begins to dislike the other person, in his eyes will be full of the other party's shortcomings.
After watching an issue of "Love Defense War", I was very impressed by a couple in the show.
The couple has been married for 7 years, and as soon as they get on the scene, they keep complaining about each other, and they can't see the slightest marital feeling.
On the field, the wife has been complaining about her husband's laziness and will lie down on the sofa after work. Usually after eating, I don't clean up, I don't know how to be considerate, and I don't know how to be romantic.
The husband hates his wife too much, he is so tired from work, and he also has to face his wife's endless complaints and rude demands. The wife is getting less and less dressed, and her temper is getting worse and worse.
In the show, the two talk more and more vigorously, completely disregarding the host, and have been immersed in accusing each other and mocking each other. It was as if he was not facing his other half, but the enemy.
Until the host Tu Lei couldn't look at it anymore and asked: "In addition to the shortcomings, there are no advantages in each other?" ”
My husband thought about it and said that she cooked deliciously, was also very independent, had been making money all these years after marriage, and was also filial to my parents.
My wife also sobbed and said that he gave me all the money for safekeeping, took me on a tour every year, and had a strong working ability.
Seeing this, everyone can instantly understand what the couple's problem is.
In fact, the taboo in marriage is that there are only the shortcomings of the other party in the eyes.
No one in the world is absolutely perfect, and everyone has more or less shortcomings. But blindly magnifying each other's shortcomings in life will only make your life a chicken feather.
Especially between husband and wife, the so-called "closest relatives to estranged couples", two people who are not related by blood are separated by fate for a lifetime, and what they rely on is the warmth given to each other.
Therefore, a good marriage can not only stare at each other's shortcomings, blindly amplify, smart couples know how to appreciate each other, to discover each other's advantages.
03
Trust in the other half disappears
Dumas said, "When trust disappears, the body loses its life." ”
In psychology, trust is a stable belief, an individual's overall expectation of the trustworthiness of others' words, commitments, and statements.
Trust can be said to be an important bridge for people to interact with each other.
For couples, trust is the cornerstone of marriage, and a marriage that loses trust is like a scattered sand, and the wind blows away.
Colleague Xiaoli and her husband divorced, according to her own words, this marriage has had great problems from the beginning, there is no trust between the two people.
Xiao Liren is beautiful and has a strong ability to work. But in the eyes of her husband's family, she is a woman who came from the countryside and "attracted bees and butterflies" outside all day.
For the views of the in-laws, Xiaoli does not care, in her opinion, as long as her husband trusts herself, it is enough, which is also the belief that she has been carefully maintaining this relationship.
Xiaoli trusted his husband and always did.
Until one time, she left work late and went into the bathroom to wash up when she got home. When she came out, she inadvertently bumped into her husband who was checking her phone.
She didn't make a fuss at the time, and when her husband looked at his phone, she didn't think there was anything wrong with it. It was just the sneaky look of her husband that made her feel uncomfortable.
Later, she found that her husband was looking at her phone more and more often, and he would also test her consciously or unconsciously.
Once, she finally couldn't help herself and asked her husband: "If you have something to say, do you just say it, and do you not trust me?" ”
Xiao Li can't stand her husband like this, and if the husband and wife lose trust, they will only be left with endless suspicion, torturing both parties. After thinking about it for two days, Xiaoli decided to talk to her husband.
That day, she left work early and saw that her husband and mother-in-law's shoes were at the door, knowing that both were there.
As soon as Xiao Li put down her bag, her mother-in-law's voice came out: "I told you earlier, your daughter-in-law has to be guarded." ”
"You know, your son is not heartless, I have gone to her unit to understand, the last time she went on a business trip, didn't I still go with her?"
Wen Yan Xiaoli was shocked at first, and then slowly became cold. The husband has followed him, and it turns out that the so-called trust is just his own one-man show.
"And the money, we all spend it separately. I bought the house in full at the time, and if I left, she wouldn't be able to take anything with her. Last time she said to take a sum of money to the mother-in-law's family to save the emergency, I also asked my mother-in-law for verification, Mom, you are at ease. ”
Later, what they said, Xiaoli did not listen anymore, she already had the answer to this marriage in her heart.
Just think, if there is not even the most fundamental trust between husband and wife, how can the marriage be stable?
Long-term mutual suspicion will only consume each other's love, and the final end can only be parting ways.
Therefore, when your marriage has a trust problem, be sure to sound the alarm bell.
A long-term marriage must be based on trust.
04
Chen Guo, a professor at Fudan University, once said: "Once some people understand, they no longer love; once some people are together, they gradually drift away." You think that everything is fine together, and sometimes being together is precisely another degree of separation. ”
Any relationship in the world needs to be looked at from time to time, and the same is true for marriage.
In married life, some of the manifestations between husband and wife are warning lights for you, and the more you ignore it, the more unfortunate you are.
Treat marriage diligently, know how to observe, reflect, save or stop loss in time, so as not to live up to life.
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