When there are problems in marriage and love, contradictions and disputes arise, and the relationship is disappointing, many people feel that they can't go on, choose to break up or divorce, and then make new choices.
But many people experience emotional setbacks and tend to fall into worse emotions, and what's going on.
Guangzhou heard about it marriage psychological counseling for your interpretation.
"When I met my ex-husband, I was 18 years old, because of my good looks, working as a waiter in a hotel, he was 23 years old, also worked in this hotel, and was the head of the maintenance department. In love for a year and a half, I got married, a rural maid can marry into the city, her husband is sweet, and she has a smart son, which is already a good home.
But later, I don't know if I didn't do a good job, or if they were too picky, and the relationship with their family became more and more rigid. For example, when I added new cosmetics, my mother-in-law was not happy when she saw it, saying that I had squandered her son's hard-earned money; when I went back to my mother's house and brought some things home, she said that I had taken her family's money to my mother's house... It's okay to listen to this kind of talk once or twice, and it's been a long time, who can stand it? We often quarreled because of this, and the quarrel was so strong that we left, and I didn't want my son.
Because I got married early, I was only 23 years old when I got divorced, and I look much younger than my peers in the village. At that time, there were many people who came to the door to propose relatives, and at the end of the year, relatives introduced me to A. Honestly, the first time we met, I really didn't like him, compared with my ex-husband, his appearance is much worse, dark and thin, and his facial features are not good-looking. But he was an attentive man, very generous to me, and often bought me very expensive gifts. Because his first marriage broke down, he also wanted to find someone to live well. Two months later, we moved in together.
But soon after living together, I found out that he had a lot of mysterious phone calls, and he said that she was a partner. But soon I met them shopping together, very affectionate. I was particularly angry, but he said that they had been working together for so many years, and when their ex-wife divorced, they did not break up, and now it is impossible not to contact me for me.
Now that's it, what's the point of continuing? In July, I left my hometown and went to work in other places.
It didn't take long for me to run into B. He was a product distributor, divorced for two years and had a son. He wore a pair of glasses, Sven's, and he talked well. Although I didn't read much, I just liked knowledgeable and cultured people, and at that time I thought I had found the right person.
In love for more than half a year, we moved in together. Occasionally, his son came over and we took him to the park and felt like a family. But this feeling didn't last long before it disappeared. I don't think I'm the kind of person who is not good for men and family, after living together, his diet and living are all taken care of by me, clothes, shoes and socks are all bought by me, I think I have done my best to him, but he is always very indifferent to me, never takes the initiative to call me, rarely spends money for me, and can even be said to be very angry with me, but very generous to his son.
Now we quarrel a lot, and he often says I'm not good for his son. It seems that he will not see my good, we have no fun in our relationship, let's divide it.
Sometimes, I have a hard time understanding why I can't meet the right person. However, I am sure that the right person will appear. ”
For love marriage, everyone has good expectations, thinking that when they meet the right person, love marriage can be smooth sailing. In reality, many people fall in love and get married again and again, but they have always had a bumpy road, and even worse and worse.
At first, they swore that they would definitely find the right person, but the repeated setbacks and the passage of time made them feel disappointed, and finally their encounters boiled down to love not being credible and men not being credible.
We think that love is a matter of choosing objects, and ignoring that love is actually more related to the ability to love. When we begin to enter the emotional world, you will find that the rules of the game are made by both sides, and the ending is also created by both sides.
It seems like you're in a constant relationship, looking for the right person. But in fact, at the beginning of each relationship, you also feel happy and happy, but after a period of time you will find various problems - the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is difficult to reconcile, husband and wife are conflicted, the boyfriend has another woman in his heart, the boyfriend is stingy and only good to the son, and so on. Then you feel like they don't love you and don't deserve your love, and you choose to leave.
You feel that the reason why you are unhappy now is because you have not met the right person, and once you meet the right person, nothing is a problem.
However, are things really as you think?
For a baby, perhaps the presence and companionship of the mother will make the child feel that all the problems will disappear naturally, and he does not have to deal with various problems and solve various troubles; the baby will feel that as long as he has a mother, he has everything.
As you can see from your account, in the relationship between two people, you feel very happy. But once you have a third person in your relationship, or more, you find it difficult to deal with: you don't know how to deal with your mother-in-law, your boyfriend's relationship with another woman, your boyfriend's son, and your relationship with your own son is not too close.
Where exactly is the problem?
Why can't we deal with the problems in intimate relationships, balance all kinds of relationships, and always let these relationships affect our core relationship with our partner and make a mess of life. The question arises, and it's often related to our early upbringings.
The earliest intimate relationships were our relationships with our mothers, then our relationships with our fathers, our relationships with others, our relationships with our parents. Our intimate patterns, inner beliefs, and thinking patterns are also developed and solidified in our relationship with our parents.
And it's a kind of "word-and-deed" that goes deep into the marrow, and no matter how much they cover it up, we can learn from it, and this semester can last for decades. Moreover, because of our childhood experiences and early poor relationships with our parents, we project our love and hatred for our parents onto this person when we are close to us, so that we have unrealistic expectations of this person, which affects the stable relationship with our partner.
Fortunately, we will leave our original families and enter new intimate relationships, fall in love with others and marry, and start our own families.
If we want our marriage to be emotionally happy, then we need to improve our ability to love others and ourselves, so that we can become a mature person with a mature mind and the ability to handle relationships with our partners and the outside world.