In life I don't know if you have ever met such a person:
Obviously, I hate people who drink, but I still marry a person who loves to drink;
Want to avoid scumbags, but always entangled with scumbags;
Obviously, he suffered domestic violence, but he would rather suffer than leave.
It's not that they don't need or aspire to a better marriage, it's just that they don't fundamentally recognize themselves and don't know what kind of marriage is more suitable for them.
In the book "Out of the Black Box of Self-Knowledge", it is written that how to understand determines your experience and feelings. How to understand the world, how to understand the self, how to see the relationship between the world and yourself, these basically determine your entire life experience as a human being.
If you want to have a happy married life, you must first know yourself.
01
Self-knowledge can find a partner that suits you better
If you have a knowledge of psychology, you will not be unfamiliar with this sentence: who you are, you will meet.
Only by knowing who you really are, that is, knowing yourself clearly, will you meet a partner who is suitable for you.
Sister Qing is a person who has a clear understanding of herself.
She clearly knew that she was the kind of person who did not have much ambition, and only wanted to have a safe and stable job, and when she was idle, she served flowers and plants and read books.
So when she first looked for a partner, she was also very clear about her positioning of the other half: she had a peaceful personality, could allow her to live an ordinary life, and did not require her to be ambitious.
As it turned out, she made the right choice. Ten years after marriage, she and her husband are still as loving as ever.
Qingjie said that the reason why she could find such a suitable person was inseparable from the concept she held when she first chose a mate.
If she did not know herself clearly, did not come according to her own standards, but chose according to the appropriate standards that the public thought was appropriate, the partner she chose may be very good, but not necessarily suitable for herself.
Venus said in the variety show "Hello Other Half":
"When you really touch your true heart and heart, you can touch your true love."
It is like this, only by deeply understanding what kind of person you are and recognizing yourself, will you meet a partner who is more suitable for you.
In the same way, only love based on a deep understanding of the other half is true love.
Only by knowing deeply can there be true love.
02
Self-knowledge is not lost in marriage
In the Korean drama "Romance is an Appendix to the Other Volumes", Jiang Danyi is a person who loves his work and has strong ability.
But as a wife and a mother, she did not realize the meaning of work for herself at first, nor did she realize the real needs of herself and her heart, but lost herself in marriage and the expectations of others, and became a housewife.
After experiencing her husband's infidelity and being forced into a divorce, her life was almost in a desperate situation, with no income and nowhere to go. That's when she really woke up.
It was because of this that she understood what she really wanted. Based on this, she persevered and finally found a job she liked and lived her own light.
Although the price was a bit tragic, she finally found herself.
Marriage is only one part of life, not the whole thing. No matter who you are with, you have to understand that this is your life, you have to be yourself first, and then you are someone else's partner.
After all, things are uncertain, and the only person who has always loved you is you.
In real life, there are many people who are lost in marriage.
This is the case with my friend Xiao Fan's mother.
Her mother always wondered if her father had an outside heart, and to change clothes, she had to carefully check whether there was any other woman's hair and whether there was a smell of perfume on her body.
If he comes home late, call after phone.
She was not married, and she also became the object of her mother's attention, and her mother always followed behind and asked her over and over again if she had a suitable partner.
This directly led to her not wanting to go home after work.
Xiao Fan said that her mother was not like this before, what is wrong now?
Come to think of it, her mother has been lost in marriage.
Her father is a successful person, and her mother is a housewife, and the world gap between the two is relatively large. In order to hide her inferiority, her mother had to use radical methods to force the people around her.
Snowbentha said, "The more you understand yourself and your emotions, the more you can become a lover of the truth." ”
A person must have a clear self-knowledge so that he will not be lost in the evaluation of others.
When we understand our true selves, we can see the clouds and see our true needs, rather than getting lost in married life.
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