"No, no, I don't", has become my son's three recent mantras.
I don't know when my 3-year-old son always likes to sing against his friend Yan Yan.
I say East, he says West, I say one thing, he has to say two things;
What's even funnier is that I said Peppa Pig, and he insisted that Peppa Pig (there is really a set of nonsense)...
At first, Yan Yan felt that this was a child's playful behavior, and did not pay attention to it.
But as time went on, her son's opposition became more and more excessive, so serious that it endangered her own safety, so that she had to pay attention.
Once Yan Yan just brought the hot casserole pot to the table, and she was not at ease and specifically told her son: "Hot, don't touch it~
Unexpectedly, the little boy smiled and said "I don't" while using his hand to approach the hot casserole.
As a result, accompanied by a scream, the little boy's hands were burned red and swollen, and blisters appeared at night.
Yan Yan was afraid and angry about this, and was eager to beat up her son.
In life, it is not uncommon for a little boy to sing the opposite, and many times, parents turn a blind eye.
But small things are not prevented, big things suffer!
For the phenomenon of children singing against the tune, parents should not blindly whitewash the peace, but should find out the reasons behind it and prescribe the right medicine.
Parents sing the opposite tune with each other, and children learn from each other
There is a saying that says:
The child is a mirror of the parents, what you are, what the child is.
Many times, children love to sing the opposite, which may also stem from their "imitation" behavior.
The words and deeds of people close to him, such as parents, elders and even friends, let him draw the scoop according to the gourd.
In a certain variety show, Yuan Yongyi complained that her husband Zhang Zhilin loved to sing against herself.
Especially on the issue of educating children, the more he educates his children not to do anything, Zhang Zhilin has to let his son do it.
At one point she was very angry and wanted to quarrel!
Although this is a little fun between husband and wife, it may have a negative effect on singing the anti-tune drama in front of the child.
One of the most obvious consequences is that children love to sing the opposite tune and fight against their parents.
A netizen once shared his story:
Say that her daughter often confronts her, such as—
She wanted to eat an apple, and the daughter deliberately pushed the apple farther away; you asked her to sit down and eat, and she had to stand up and eat.
The main reason is that the in-laws always like to jump out and sing the opposite tune when she educates her children.
Once, when a guest came to the house, she asked her daughter to make a little noise and understand a little politeness, and the mother-in-law was not happy after listening to it, and choked and said:
"It's normal for a child to make a little trouble, let her play with it..."
After this operation, the daughter seemed to have obtained the Shangfang Sword, and did not listen to her at all, always wanting to come against her.
This also reminds parents that when raising children, they must unite the front and do not deliberately contradict each other.
Otherwise, not only will it not educate children well, but it will stimulate children's psychology of love to sing the opposite tone more and more intensely!
Parental control is too strong
"Tell him not, he wants it, I say east, she goes west"... The behavior itself is actually a reflection of the child's heart.
Psychology has a "out-of-limit effect":
If the external stimulus is too much, too strong or the effect time is too long, it will make people feel impatient, and even produce psychological rebellion.
The same is true for children's rebellious behavior.
Many times, parents are accustomed to doing life affairs for their children under the banner of "good for you".
"Baby this can not be touched, will hurt ~"
"Study well, there will be a way out in the future, we don't engage in painting ah~"
However, its large-scale behavior will make children lack autonomy, and for a long time, it is easy to produce rebellious psychology.
And singing the opposite tone is a form of expression under the impetus of the reverse psychology.
Qiao Yingzi in the TV series "Little Joy" is forced to rebel by his mother's desire to control, and even wants to commit suicide;
Zheng Yingjia in "Metamorphosis" is forced by her father's desire to control and blindly wants to escape...
At the same time, the parents' desire to control is too strong, and the child's life is limited.
Originally, there may have been 10 roads to go in his life, but after the parents forcibly set up roadblocks, there was only one road left for the child.
Pathetic!
Let me tell you a little story:
In a famous foreign enterprise, there is a beautiful fish tank with several brightly colored fish.
Although it has provided the fish with quality food for a long time, unfortunately, for two years, the fish have not grown.
Until one day, the chairman's son's inadvertent mistake broke the fish tank, allowing several small fish to return to the large fountain.
Then a magical scene happened, these fish that could not grow much, grew several inches in less than two months.
This is the famous "fish tank effect", that is, how big the fish tank is, how big the fish can grow.
If the tank is too small, even if the fish have the ability to grow, it will limit growth because it is too small.
In the same way, how much growth space parents provide for their children, how much they grow.
If there are limits everywhere, the child can only be a "child" and will never grow up!
Researchers at University College London in the United Kingdom did a study that showed:
People who are excessively restricted by their parents and interfere with privacy in childhood have poor independence, strong dependence, and low happiness index when they grow up.
Therefore, in the face of the invisible attack behavior of children who do not eat softly and hard, and deliberately contradict each other, we must reflect on ourselves:
Is your desire to control too much and interfere with the growth of your child?
Is the child using his actions to tell his parents that he wants to arrange his life?
Then compare yourself, change it, and encourage oh, so that children can develop freely and have unlimited possibilities in the future!
In life, many mothers have said:
After his baby was 2 years old, the painting style suddenly changed, and it was not cute at all.
Always love to sing the opposite tune, always hang "I don't" on the lips, and still can't move to resist the mouth, love to lose their temper, this can be the whole thing?
In fact, these are normal phenomena, and every child has to go through three rebellious periods of saying "no" in their lives.
2-4 years old, the baby's rebellious period, the typical feature is to love to say "no", "no";
7-9 years old, children rebellious period, typically characterized by ignoring others, dragging and rubbing;
12-18 years old, adolescent rebellious period, typically characterized by self-expression, trying to get rid of the control of parents.
Compared to each stage, parents' response measures are also different.
2-3 years old, baby rebellious period
Numerous studies have shown that when children reach the age of 2 or 3, self-perception begins to slowly break through and have a sense of independence.
During this period, the typical feature is that the child begins to learn to work against the parents, such as you say east, he goes west.
In the face of the baby's mutation, parents have to do two steps -
The first step is to change your mind
Do not simply classify the child's rebellious behavior as rebellion, which is actually the result of the development of the child's self-awareness.
The second step is to give your child a little more opportunities to try
A child loves to work against his parents, and a big reason is because of his curiosity and exploration of the outside world.
But at this time, parents often say "dangerous, no" in their children's ears, which will make children have a rebellious psychology.
Therefore, instead of blindly blocking, it is better to give children more opportunities to try and explore.
7-9 years old, children rebellious period
Children aged 7-9, who are basically in primary school, will be exposed to more new things and people.
They are prone to excessive emotions, and will disobey, contradict, and challenge the authority of their parents.
But this is also a stage that children must go through in self-development, they will learn to socialize, learn, establish self-rules...
At this time, parents must not blindly ask their children to be "obedient" and "sensible", which will only suppress their nature.
The best thing to do is to "have fewer commands, more choices".
Because many times, children love to come in opposition to their parents, and they really don't insist that they are right.
Instead, he felt that the tone of the parents' command deprived him of his right to choose, which made him have the idea of "doing it against the other".
12-18 years old, adolescent rebellious period
12-18 years old is a period of adolescent rebellion known to parents, and it is also a stage when everyone is most worried about their children's learning (love, alcoholism, promiscuity).
Children at this stage are easily emotionally over-excited, easily provoked, and have greater rebellious behaviors.
For children at this stage, There is only one suggestion for Morning Mom: respect the child and communicate more equally!
Just like a saying circulating in the parenting world:
When children are least cute, they actually need love the most.
Children in the rebellious period of adolescence actually need to be respected, loved and cared for by their parents!
Parenting is a process of constantly upgrading and fighting monsters!
During the period, there may be happiness, or there will be troubles, or there will be surprises...
But what is certain is that every stage is a manifestation of the child's continuous growth.
Therefore, when we encounter children who love to sing the opposite, we do not have to panic, find the emotional needs behind the children, give appropriate guidance, and then wait for the flowers to bloom!
*The content of this issue is original by the mother's manual, and the scientific parenting manual that millions of mothers are reading. Editor-in-chief: Morning Mom, sharing parenting knowledge, parent-child education experience, quality life concept, and accompanying tens of millions of parents to grow together.