Text: Xuan Xiaolei
Figure: Network
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First, his girlfriend, who is 19 years older than him, chose to abandon him after living together for 9 years
Han Bangfu, a 32-year-old who lives in Raohe, was recently dumped by his 51-year-old girlfriend, Yan Yan (pseudonym), and had to live alone in a hotel for 30 yuan a day.
Sometimes when there is no money, I sleep in the car, and the few pieces of change I usually pay for have to be overdrawn by credit card.
He said that he came to his girlfriend's hometown from more than 1500 miles alone, spent 9 years with her, but was ruthlessly abandoned by her.
The two first met when they were working outside the home, when Han Bangfu was 23 years old and Yan Yan was 42 years old, which was 19 years older than him. Yan Yan is divorced and has a daughter.
Han Bangfu said that at that time, he felt that Yanyan people were very real, and his loan did not come down, so Yanyan took the money she earned to help him pay the workers' wages, and then the two came together.
After living together for four years, the two decided to buy a house in Yanyan's hometown of Wuchang City, and Han Bangfu said that at that time, the two took out 100,000 deposits, borrowed 70,000 yuan from the woman's brother, and bought the house in full.
Yan Yan said that Han Bangfu was younger than herself and was afraid of being abandoned by him in the future, so the house fell under her name.
In later years, he said that the money he earned from working everywhere was handed over to Yan Yan.
But since last year, he found that Yan Yan behaved abnormally, indulged in online chats, and was ambiguous with different male netizens.
He felt that there was someone outside Yan Yan, so he injured her. The reporter asked him if Yan Yan admitted it, and Han Bangfu said: "No, her mouth is hard." ”
Since then, he has been looking for the answer he wants in the phenomenon of truth and falsehood. Once suspicion arises, it cannot be stopped, and it will most likely come true.
So he started "fishing", and one day he pretended to drive back to his hometown, but he didn't leave and waited downstairs.
Then I saw Yan Yan with a man, and her daughter, and three people playing there.
As soon as he got angry, he beat all three of them. Speaking of why he beat Yan yan's daughter, he said that because he had raised this girl for 9 years, he was now 16 years old, but her mother still did such a thing and kicked him.
Han Bangfu said that before the beating happened, Yan Yan had repeatedly quarreled with him and proposed to break up, and he thought that this was Yan Yan's new love. He was not willing, and he also felt that he had no dignity and no face, so he refused to break up.
But his various retentions were useless, and then Yan Yan blacked out all his contact information, changed the door lock at home, and then openly lived with Xin huan.
Second, the girlfriend's words are completely different
Seeing that people can't keep it, they can only take a step back to talk about the property problem, so Han Bangfu means that this house has to be half of two people and one person, because it is bought with common money, and they have to get back what they deserve.
Later, if the house did not come, Han Bangfu said that the house could not be used, but the fifty thousand yuan earned this year was given to him. But Yan Yan said that there is no money to be paid, and the house is not given.
Han Bangfu said that over the years he had bought gold bracelets and large gold rings for Yan Yan, equivalent to nearly 40,000 yuan, and when he saw that the breakup was a foregone conclusion, he secretly took these things, so Yan Yan also felt that these jewelry were enough to offset the fifty thousand yuan he wanted.
But Xiao Han did not accept it, he said that money is not important, just want to vent, do not want to just count it out. If you give him another fifty thousand, he will count in black and white. When I was with her at the beginning, I had nothing, and now I have worked hard with her for 9 years, and I am still completely disposed of by her, and I have been overdrawn by tens of thousands of credit cards.
However, all of the above things are Xiao Han's unilateral words, when the reporter interviewed Yan Yan by phone, Yan Yan said that she was not cheating, she and Xiao Han did not register, just a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, and she had already mentioned breaking up.
And it's not that she doesn't want to live well, it's Xiao Han's domestic violence, and her eyes are bleeding.
The reporter said that Xiao Han said that he beat her because he knew a male netizen, and Yan Yan said: "Is it related to knowing a person?" I'm a singer, just a fan of singing. ”
In Yan Yan's mouth, Xiao Han is a person who lies everywhere, not at all honest, saying that he borrows money everywhere to cheat money.
He also said that Xiao Han had no evidence, so he said that he had a relationship with other men. And as far as she knew, Xiao Han talked to more women, and she didn't say that he had a relationship with those women.
He also said that Xiao Han had taken a whole woman to her house for half a month, and gave her gold jewelry, a mink, and a new mobile phone that had not been used, and things worth a total of fifty thousand yuan to the woman, and sold them for money, saying that the money he put on the woman's body was sixty or seventy thousand.
In order to confirm this, Yan Yan also sent a recording, and said that the house was bought for her own 100,000 yuan, and the 70,000 yuan borrowed was also her, so Xiao Han was not qualified to find her what she wanted, and said "Recently, I didn't care less about my money"...
The two parties have their own opinions, the details of the matter, we do not know, and Xiao Han also chose to sue his ex-girlfriend.
Third, it is good to talk and scatter, so as to be worthy of the feelings of the past
Life is not long, it is not short, but how many nine years?
Why would someone who could live together for nine years later turn against each other and fight against the court for the benefit of the court?
I think that as long as one party feels that the other party has a new love, the only remaining feelings disappear, and what remains is unwillingness, anger, humiliation, or other emotions about hate.
And women, as long as the man raises his fist at her, most of them will not turn back.
Even if she was wrong, the fist could not hit her back, only the faster she ran.
Of course, there are also those who are confused and will accept the other party's so-called "momentary impulse", too angry, too sad and other apologies.
But a 51-year-old woman, she is mostly sober, rational more than emotional, is more practical interest than love.
Not to mention that this relationship has been 9 years, even if there has been love, I am afraid that it is almost consumed.
Coupled with the fact that the man also beat his own daughter, it is even more unlikely to continue.
It can be seen that both people seem to be at fault, and both people seem to make sense.
Just sighing at the time of this thing, will make the people who originally agreed with each other look completely different, judging two people.
Just like the two people in the case, it was not easy to come together in the first place.
At that time, men were still young, had hot blood and love, and women at that time, who were not young, had also experienced marriage, but it showed that the previous relationship was not smooth, so they would still be in a situation where they lacked feelings and longed to be loved.
So at that time, they should have also loved each other, and then it changed, in fact, many lovers will have a state.
It's just that in the end, it is so complicated, it can only show that each other has excessive places.
For example, if the man finds that the woman has changed, should he be a little more relaxed, or be nicer to her and silently pull her back.
If you really can't pull it back, or completely change your mind, then let it go, agree to break up, and say it's good to disperse.
Fourth, proper reflection, gratitude, after all, loved
Many men can't accept being abandoned and broken up, not because they are reluctant to the woman herself, but also because they feel hurt their self-esteem and have no face.
Just like a person has a toy, he obviously does not want it, but he does not want to be taken as a treasure by others, which will stimulate him to grab it back.
Even if he snatched it back, he would throw it aside to fall dust, or torture the toy in various ways, and he would have to get it back.
That kind of self-awareness, that kind of obsession, that kind of psychology that doesn't want to be violated, is actually an unhealthy one.
Xiao Han in the above article, after being with his girlfriend, his girlfriend also mentioned a license to get married, but he did not accept it, according to his own words, marriage or not is the same, just together.
It sounds pretty free, but in the face of the breakup proposed by the girlfriend, it can't get out.
Maybe all the emotional rules are similar, the beginning is very sweet and beautiful, the middle is very complicated, and the ending is messy and sad.
For the sake of money, they are inseparable, each other's posture is not good, and it is also a disgraceful thing to blame and insult each other.
In fact, if you can all remember the old feelings, then you will forgive each other and take a step back, which may be the best policy.
Unfortunately, when many people break up, they feel that they have suffered losses and want to find some comfort and compensation from the material.
Some people even count the gift money they bought when they were together when they were separated.
If we had reflected on our own problems when we were going to be separated, maybe there would not have been so many conflicts and contradictions.
Why did it get to the point of one shot and two scatters? Why can't I go on? Why make a fuss like an enemy?
Even if the other party changes his heart, you can actually reflect on it: is it that you don't care enough? Is it that you lack charm and attractiveness?
After introspection, you can actively change yourself, so that it is possible to make the other party turn back, even if you do not look back, you will actively become better, but also an investment in yourself, completely without loss.
On the contrary, always looking for each other's problems, ignoring their own problems, and thinking that they have no problems at all, then they can only make the situation more and more complicated, and the more difficult it is to fight, the more ugly it is.
Therefore, we are grateful that we have met each other, loved each other, and accompanied each other, and if the fate is exhausted, we will be separated from each other, no complaints, no regrets, and it is good to start again.
Of course, if you really can't get what you deserve, then it makes sense to go all over the world, and there will be the right way to get it back.
I really can't get it back, so I paid the tuition for the emotional class. Only by not dwelling on it can we continue to move forward.
In the same way, if it really belongs to you, others can't grab it, and if you have to grab some of it, it should also be a kind of gratitude and gift to this person in this relationship.