The Japanese writer Kotaro Isaka once said such a sentence, poking at the sensitive nerves of many unfortunate people in their original families: "It is terrible to think of parents who do not have to go through exams." ”
The most helpless thing in life is that you can't choose your own origin, what kind of life God intends to give you, whether you have parents and elders who love you, or are you not sound or your parents have a native family that is better than nothing, whether it is a rich family that has no worries about food and clothing, and is born to win on the starting line, or a poor home that is not covered and the basic needs of food, clothing, housing and transportation cannot be met, you do not know, nor can you change, you can only accept.
For a child, if he wants to grow up healthy and healthy, not to take a crooked road, to become independent, and to become a person with a good reputation, he not only needs the necessary material conditions provided by the original family, but also needs a strong spiritual environment.
How a person's three views, how his conduct is, and how his living habits are, are profoundly affected by the original family.
There is a line in the TV series "Please Answer 1988" that says: "Dad, I was not born a father, and my father is also a father for the first time." ”
Being a parent for the first time is not a reason for you to treat your children badly. Others are also parents for the first time, why can some people become qualified parents, educate their children, give them the necessary love and teaching, and cultivate them to become talents, but you can only bring pain to your children, so that their children are eager to stay away from you and do not want to recognize you?
When you force your children to the point where they don't want to recognize you and don't want to see you, you have to be careful of the bleakness of the evening. The ideological concept of raising children and preventing the elderly is not outdated, but the parents are not loving, so why should they ask their children to be filial piety?
"I have a pair of unqualified parents, a bowl of water for the two sons, at every turn to take the eldest brother like the father to pressure me, force me to give what belongs to my brother to my brother, force me to become my brother's cash machine, so that my brother can live carefree without working, I am extremely disappointed in them, I swear, never become such a parent, never let my children be hurt by them." 」
In the past month, Aunt Jiang came to her eldest son's house five times to make trouble, and every time she was bombarded by the eldest son and the eldest daughter-in-law, and the contradiction between them attracted the attention of the people around them.
In the face of everyone's curiosity, Aunt Jiang's eldest son, Mr. Ye, told us what had happened and asked everyone to judge him by the way.
1
Mr. Ye is 54 years old this year, the eldest son in the family, has an older sister and a younger brother, the younger brother is five years younger than him, is the old son of his parents, and is also the heart and liver baby of his parents, especially his mother.
"My sister didn't study for a few years, took care of us at home, and was married by my parents to people from other villages at the age of 20. About twenty years ago, my sister came to her mother's house for my mother's sake and asked her for money for her brother, and then she went out to work with her brother-in-law, and then took my brother-in-law's parents away, never came back, and could not contact anyone. ”
Mr. Ye's grandfather fully supports his grandchildren in reading, and attaches great importance to Mr. Ye, who can read books, so that the whole family can save money and provide them with books.
Compared with his younger brother, who was lively and active and felt dizzy when he saw books, Mr. Ye could sit still, eat hardships, study hard, and finally enter the university, come to the city, marry his wife, and make a home in the city.
"My brother dropped out of school when he was 16 years old, worked in many places for a few years, returned home to nibble on the old age for a few years, begged his wife, lived in the county town, my parents have always been with him, my mother brought him children, my father worked in the factory, subsidizing the family."
As an older brother, Mr. Ye also felt worried about his brother, hated iron and steel, wanted to use his brother's identity to discipline his brother, urge him to be self-motivated, and also advised his parents to discipline his brother well, and was connived at him to chew on the old man, achieving nothing, but either his mother cried and defended the past, or was directly scolded back.
"They don't want me to force my brother to be motivated, they only want me to make a cash machine for my brother's family, to put it bluntly, they hope that my brother can still have food and clothing without working to make money, live happily for the rest of his life, and find me when he lacks money."
2
Mr. Ye admitted that he used to be a soft bone, and his ears were soft, as long as his parents played the emotional card with him, especially when his mother cried and told them about their difficulties, he would be soft-hearted and take money to spend for them.
"My husband is indeed soft-hearted, but I am not soft-hearted, I am not afraid of others to say, I admit, I am a selfish woman, only thinking about myself and children, not thinking about others." 」 As long as I and my daughter are comfortable, will the little uncle starve to death to shut up my ass? Besides, I didn't steal two or rob, and the money I earned by my ability, why should I spend it on my uncle? ”
It was Mr. Ye's daughter-in-law, Sister Zhao, who said this, who mentioned her in-laws and little uncle, and Sister Zhao was angry, only because her mother-in-law's serious patriarchal thinking challenged Sister Zhao's bottom line.
Mr. Ye and Sister Zhao have only one daughter, 25 years old this year, and are about to get married. Mr. Ye's parents have a very serious preference for sons and daughters, and they do not like their granddaughters, but only like their grandchildren, that is, the sons of Mr. Ye's younger brother.
However, for Sister Zhao, the daughter she gave birth to with her life is her heart and liver baby, her palm pearl, and a existence that no one can bully.
"Go to his house for a few days, don't want to buy meat, forget it, grandson's bowl of two poached eggs, my daughter's bowl does not have a single one meaning?" Our family can't afford poached eggs, right? ”
"Give the money to press the age, either don't give it, or be a good idea, put 100 in a red packet, put 1 yuan in one, and also take it out."
Sister Zhao felt very angry, and it was even more unpleasant to see that the old man was justified and wanted to nibble on their little uncle, so Sister Zhao confiscated her husband's salary and confronted her in-laws who came to make trouble. For the eldest daughter-in-law, Aunt Jiang's one cry, two troubles and three hangings did not work, and she could hardly gain any benefits.
3
As for the reason why Aunt Jiang came to the door during this period, it was nothing more than a word, money.
Mr. Ye's daughter was about to get married, and the man gave a dowry of 100,000 yuan. Mr. Ye discussed with his wife, added another 200,000 yuan, and collected 300,000 yuan for his daughter and son-in-law to buy a house together, so that he could live in the house with more confidence.
Aunt Jiang knew about this matter, so she ran to the eldest son's house to make trouble: "Fat water does not flow to outsiders' fields, buying a house is a man's business, and women's money is not looked down upon, saying that you are cheap?" You have this money to spend for your daughter, it is better to give it to me, my grandson has no money, how to marry a daughter-in-law? The incense in our house is going to break, you know? ”
The grandmother actually stared at the granddaughter bride price for the grandson, which made Mr. Ye angry and questioned back: "Who is the outsider?" She is my own flesh and blood, and every penny in my hand is hers, and no one else can get it. ”
Aunt Jiang did not give up, made trouble several times, and was bombarded by the eldest son and the eldest daughter-in-law.
"My mother also told some relatives about this matter, listening to them, my mother and my brother added fuel to the fire, saying that my wife beat her, fortunately, no one believed her, and no one helped them to find me trouble." I see who dares to be nosy? Come on one I scold one. ”
4
There is a saying in the "Yan Family Training": those who are weathered by husbands are also those who walk from the top to the bottom, and those who are first and give to the latter. If the father is not kind, the son is not filial, the brother is not friendly, the brother is not respectful, and if the husband is unrighteous, the woman is not smooth.
Parents are not kind, you can't force it, and it doesn't make sense to reason with them, then try your best to play the cards in your hand, be nice to yourself, bravely say no to the unreasonable demands of the original family, remember, filial piety, not foolish filial piety, not let you make a wedding dress for others.
At the same time, you must also remember that when you become a parent, you must use your parents as negative teaching materials to push yourself and become qualified parents.
If your parents' patriarchal thinking continues to your children, as parents, you must stand up and defend your children, otherwise, your relationship with your children will not be very good, and it will be difficult to escape the bleakness of the evening.
END.
Xiao Qiqi would like to ask you to comment: What is your view on the idea of son preference? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.