Wen | Thirteenth Sister
Official account | Grid XIII (GSSW13)
In the past week, I have received a lot of messages about the "scumbags in the Bay Area", and I think many friends have heard about this story.
This "bay area scumbag" is also known as the "American version of Lin Shengbin", and some media have described his incident as "widowed for 7 days to welcome his new wife", "sending his wife's ashes buried in the front yard", "the parents of the deceased wife were expelled"... I think everyone can probably guess the synopsis of the story just by listening to this.
If it were not for the friend of her deceased wife, Ms. Deng, who sent a "letter of help" to her parents online, I am afraid that this matter would have been a housework that drifted away with the wind.
According to the description of the "letter of help": Ms. Deng, who has been married for 20 years, died of illness in May last year, her husband remarried on July 1, and her new wife was pregnant when she flew from China to the United States. This was located in the husband, unwilling to buy a cemetery for his wife, directly buried the ashes in the yard, and later asked the police to expel the former parents-in-law.
Mr. Yu and Ms. Deng, one working at Google and the other on Facebook, live in the Bay Area, not only do they have a good income, but Ms. Deng has also bought insurance. But according to local law, her estate was entirely left to her husband and children, and as long as there was no other will, this inheritance could not reach her parents for a single cent.
There are still some details in the middle, I will not say, this is the thing.
Where is everyone angry? One is that he flashes marriage after his wife's death, and the other is that he is too cruel to his deceased wife's parents.
In fact, this Mr. Yu has a little handle that can be grasped in the law, and everyone will not be so angry.
Anger is angry, and now everyone is using moral standards to talk to an immoral person about standards.
You see, do you have the right to forbid him, a "widow", from getting married? Does the law stipulate how long it takes to be widowed before she can remarry? Is there a problem with his co-inheriting the property of his deceased wife with his children in accordance with the law? Does he have an obligation to support his deceased wife's parents? Wouldn't it be okay for him to evict others from his house?
After thinking about it for a long time, you will find that it is really no problem to TMD.
Even according to Mr. Yu's own account of "flash marriage", it seems to be a human comedy that should be blessed by the whole world:
"With uncertainty and hope for the future", "supported by two children", "supporting Dad's new life"... It's simply full of "a poor widower's unremitting pursuit of happiness deserves everyone's standing ovation" is written.
Some men probably have a hard time understanding why so many women are so angry because of this matter, they and Ms. Deng are not related to each other, they are far away from each other, and it is someone else's family dispute, and the scumbag has nothing to do with them, as for being so angry?
And really.
Women have always been more emotional than men, and they are more emotional and moral, and we believe that this is how all human beings should be.
And the behavior of this man in the Bay Area allows women to see the boundaries of men's indifference and know where the bottom line of some men's extremely realistic and ruthless words is.
This makes many women sing about their marriage, and even inexplicably full of worries about their future, full of thoughts are "What if I suddenly die?" ”
Seeing that scumbags in the Bay Area can do things so resolutely and not think that they have a problem, women are full of thoughts that "what if my husband treats my parents like this in the future?" ”
Seeing that the scumbag in the Bay Area can start the next round of marriage as soon as his wife's death certificate arrives, and quickly find a new wife, the women are full of thoughts that "what if my husband also gives my children a quick search for a non-conforming stepmother?" ”
Therefore, so many women are angry about this matter, not a "moral kidnapping of widows and remarried people", nor is it "interference in other people's housework", in the final analysis, because women see the real version of the cool, and have a gray presupposition about their future.
This makes everyone angry, they all hope to see this scumbag can not be so fishy, leisurely, hope to see him condemned, at least more humanitarian to his deceased wife's parents, hope that he at least not so eager to remarry, hope that the end of the matter can have a little warm direction, feel a little hope.
In fact, no one can cure him.
If you are used to him again, then everyone will not be able to swallow this breath.
The crux of the matter is this: Why did Ms. Deng know that the law was like this, and she knew that her life was on the line, but she did not write a will before she died and leave some property for her parents?
I don't mean to say that a woman should give all her money to her parents, not to her husband.
After all, in this case, their family relationship we do not speculate, even if they are not willing to give their property to their parents because of the discord, we can see that she feels that giving property to her husband will be relieved.
She may have overestimated her husband's love for her, or rather, underestimated the cold-bloodedness and coolness of men.
If she had known that her husband, who had been with her for 20 years, had found a new partner and driven away her parents in just a few days, she would have realized that her 20-year marriage was nothing more than a trust scam.
Reality tells us that within the scope of the law, there are still many moral decays that we have watched but cannot do anything about, such as what Mr. Yu did, none of which violated the law, but none of which was human.
I am very disgusted with men like Mr. Yu, not because he is cold-blooded, but because he has lowered the overall sense of trust of women in marriage, which makes people feel afraid. But I also thank a man like Mr. Yu, who used his bottom line to give us a good crisis demonstration and helped everyone re-examine life and self-worth.
The place where the law can't control is exactly where we have to think more, which can be said to be self-protection, or it can be said to leave a way back and make ourselves feel a little more at ease.
Leaving aside the matter of North American scumbags, let me say that I have heard that in reality, the scene of "the wife does not abandon the care of the sick husband for many years" often occurs; the case of "the husband refuses to abandon the sick wife" abounds. When the husband dies, the wife pulls the child to the eldest, and there are many stories of the wife dying and the husband quickly remarrying with the baby.
Not that everyone is the same, but this is a high probability event, we have no right to interfere with the freedom of others, but this naked proof of this theory: women in the emotional at the same time, but also to learn some rational self-care, if you have the ability, may wish to not hurt each other under the premise of the premise, for the people who care about more hands, in case the unexpected comes to the rush.
It is said that many women in the Chinese community in the Bay Area, after seeing Mr. Yu's operation, began to modify the insurance beneficiaries and began to operate a pre-life trust (similar to a property will).
In China, insurance, wills, and trusts are also relatively stable ways to protect property and aftermath. Women do this not for selfishness, not because they are selfish, but for when feelings are no longer reliable, at least the law can give you some protection in terms of property, such as your own children, such as parents, and of course, the husband (if he makes you feel worthy).
Many people believe in love, love on the head, very optimistic and firm about everything, "one tendon" firmly believe that the other party loves themselves to love to the point that they can't extricate themselves from the girl is actually quite a lot, they think that they are the man's world, if they accidentally die, men will definitely follow the martyrdom ...
But the reality is that most of the people who want to jump into the river for love are women.
Women are too confident in their feelings and too careless about "interests", which may have been an advantage and a traditional virtue, but Mr. Yu taught us that virtue is only useful when we are alive.
In this world, feelings are still the most sensitive thing. We are all easily moved by true love, but at the same time we should also be mentally prepared to be poked by reality.
If this gentleman in the Bay Area mourns his deceased wife, treats his parents kindly, and decides not to marry again for life, we will be moved to tears; otherwise, we will be scolded.
How many flowers there are when you are moved, and how many "go to him" when you scold. But the scumbags in the Bay Area also have a posture of "you take less Chinese the moral standards that you think are superior to kidnap me"... Oh, but no, there is no morality at all, how to kidnap ah.
Everyone wants to see the beautiful story of "long love", but the reality can be more than the fairy tale Liso, never with you greasy crooked, come up and directly punch the face.
Just like Mr. Yu, a man with a "strong disguise", before he dies, the couple may really spend good rice, love and affection, and can have a good husband and a good father posture, but after the death of his wife, he is not in a hurry to appease the children and alleviate the pain of his family, but is busy looking for his own happiness (or interests), quickly remarrying, and not taking into account the emotions of his deceased wife's parents.
Marriage is a "establishment of family relations", husband and wife are family, not the object of wealth, husband and wife should not be like doing business, the previous B died, I immediately changed a B B can also continue to live happily. In addition to social attributes, marriage also has human and emotional attributes, and there are more important responsibility attributes for having children.
Marriages may have many unbearable endings, such as property disputes, economic wars, and disputes over children, but any one ending is not as chilling as "the other party does not regard themselves as family at all".
The shock of this incident to us is verified: some of the seemingly beautiful things in the world may only be because you are still alive, once you are gone, the world is cold, human feelings are weak, the past is over, and some living people may have to bear greater pain for you.
Sadly, the destruction of human nature caused by a scumbag in the Bay Area cannot be saved by ten affectionate and good men who dare not be destroyed by the sea dry stones. Since then, women's consideration of gender relations and marriage has had to be more realistic.
You can believe in love, and you must know that love is not as reliable as a will. You can believe what you want to believe, but you have to maintain the ability to question rationally. Just as you can test human nature, but you must accept the results that human nature cannot stand the test.
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