01
Do we have some such old people around us, there are many children in the family, get together and always love to talk about the problems of their children, talk about the good development, dance with their eyebrows, talk about the poor development, just sigh.
When parents talk about their children's work life, they often like to maintain a balance between multiple children, subjectively believing that children who earn more should help earn unconditionally.
In their words: "You see your brothers and sisters living so badly, can you be at ease with your life?" "
Yes, there is also moral kidnapping between relatives, they forget that children have become a family, already have their own small family, blindly consider their brothers and sisters, will only make their small family fall apart.
02
Xiao Jiang has been a sensible child since he was a child, loving his parents and hurting his brother, and the eldest son in the family seems to have half a father's style. It's also good to learn, and never need parents to worry about it.
And Xiao Jiang's younger brother is not as sensible as Xiao Jiang, he is naughty when he is young, loves to cause trouble, and his studies are poor, and his parents naturally pay more attention to his younger brother.
Xiao Jiang was taught from a young age to love his brother, and he must take good care of his brother in the future, after all, his brother is not as smart as Xiao Jiang, and in the future, he may have to find Jiang to help him. So Xiao Jiang took on the burden of taking care of his brother early.
Xiao Jiang lived up to expectations and was admitted to a key university, with a monthly salary of seven or eight thousand just after graduation, and also found a very good girlfriend and got married. On the other hand, my brother dropped out of school early and early, and he only knew how to play games every day, and he was not a little self-motivated.
Since Xiao Jiang graduated and got married, his parents' broken thoughts have not stopped, always saying that Xiao Jiang works so well, his brother has not yet worked, and he can't ignore his brother.
In fact, Xiao Jiang did not care about his brother, he has always helped his brother to ask about work, it is his brother who feels that the work is hard, and he does not want to do this or that, so he has not found the right one. Xiao Jiang is also very embarrassed, his brother has no education and no ability, and he still wants to find a job that is not tired and highly paid, Xiao Jiang has just graduated not long ago, and he really does not have that ability.
Fortunately, Xiao Jiang's wife's family is a local and has some connections, so she helped Xiao Jiang's brother find a similar job.
The job is found, but there is still a month to go to the job, the parents want to let the younger brother go to familiarize with the environment in advance, and think that the younger brother does not have much money, renting a house is too uneconomical, they want to let the younger brother come to Xiaojiang's house to live for a few days.
Xiao Jiang naturally would not refuse, and within a few days his brother came to Xiao Jiang's house with a large bag of luggage.
Xiao Jiang's wife did not mind very much, the husband's relatives were her relatives, but the next brother's behavior made the wife intolerable.
The younger brother loves to play games, and when he plays three more in the middle of the night, he will shout and scream, and the noisy Zhang Xiaojiang's wife will not rest well.
I don't like to do housework, but I can ho ho, just finished sweeping a turn and a melon seed skin, every day Xiao Jiang and his wife come back, pushing open the door is a mess.
The younger brother does not cook, but the meal is very picky, the wife's hard-earned dishes do not eat even if they do not eat, but also to pick a color and fragrance, and finally do not eat but also order takeaway.
These can also be endured, but the younger brother has a problem, that is, everything can be washed in the washing machine, clothes regardless of socks or underwear, will be thrown into the washing machine to stir together, once the wife also found a shoe in the washing machine that did not dry, she really can't stand it, directly let Xiao Jiang send her brother away.
Xiao Jiang had no choice but to rent a house for his brother alone, xiao Jiang's parents were not happy about this, they felt that Xiao Jiang's wife was arrogant, and Xiao Jiang was a big man who couldn't even manage his daughter-in-law.
Let the younger brother leave Xiao Jiang itself is uncomfortable, by the parents said, the same day and his wife quarreled, but the quarrel, the brother is definitely unable to go back to live.
My brother worked, everything was on the right track, and not long after, my brother said to his family that he had a girlfriend and wanted to get married. This family can be happy and broken, but also to prepare the dowry money, but also to prepare for the wedding, can come and go, the dowry money is still a difference of tens of thousands of yuan, parents naturally hope that Xiao Jiang can help.
Brother's business Xiao Jiang has always been out of the question, at that time he put all his savings to the brother's recruitment account, did not consult with his wife, naturally it was a family war, for this reason his wife also filed a divorce with Xiao Jiang, and finally the younger brother wrote an IOU to his wife before he was no longer pursued.
But the matter is not over, the younger brother has just finished getting married, the marriage house has not yet been bought, Xiao Jiang's mother is hospitalized with cerebral hemorrhage.
The disease was under control, but hospitalization and treatment required a large amount of money, Xiao Jiang planned to share the cost of his mother's treatment with his brother AA, but his mother disagreed: "You earn 8,000, he only earns 4,000, you AA, this is not fair, how can you get a big head." ”
Xiao Jiang was a little distracted, he had always taken care of the family, took care of his brother, and even before his mother was sick, he planned to save some money to subsidize his brother's marriage room, but at this moment he was suddenly tired.
He also has a family, his house children and wife a half of the down payment loan to buy, a month's mortgage is also quite a lot, hard to save some money for his brother to get married, although he earned more than his brother, but this is not an excuse for his brother not filial piety.
Xiao Jiang thought and thought, this time she did not intend to listen to her mother's words, after all, he also had a family to take care of, and the responsibility of his brother should be borne by his brother himself.
03
When we are married, we should take our own small family as the center, everyone is an adult, we should be responsible for our own lives, the ideas of our parents should not be imposed on us, and we should let go in time when we should let go.
First: Between close relatives, we should follow the principle of saving the emergency and not saving the poor.
There is a constant blood relationship between relatives, so when there is a difficult time on one side, whether it is out of affection or out of courtesy, we cannot sit idly by.
But the help between close relatives should also be measured, and once the boundary is crossed, it is easy to cause harm to each other.
Even between relatives, it is impossible to blindly pay, we all have our own lives, it is impossible to pay for another person's life.
Just like Xiao Jiang's younger brother above, the words and deeds of his parents are good, Xiao Jiang's perennial efforts are also good, let his brother produce no matter how I am, there will be someone to help me, I can not go to school, anyway, my brother helps me find a job, I can not work hard, anyway, the money for marriage my brother to help me out, buy a house does not need me to worry, there are parents and brothers to help.
And Xiao Jiang's parents also feel that Xiao Jiang, as an older brother, should pay for his brother like his parents, give everything he has, and everything should be based on his brother first, so that in the end, Xiao Jiang is unwilling to pay, and he ends up complaining.
The reason why it is said that the emergency is not to help the poor, most of the people who have urgent matters are not incapable of themselves, but because some problems lead to temporary turnover, such money is lent out, at least the repayment is guaranteed, and it is a one-time payment, and the people who get help will be grateful.
And poor people, just blindly ask, when you help him he is happy, but when you want money, it is not easy, first of all, he has no ability to repay, even if there is, it will be because of your reminder. Such a person always needs help, if you help once, you have to help a second time, and once you don't help any time, you will be blamed.
It is said that brothers and sisters must also calculate the account clearly, the money is clear and it will not hurt feelings, and it is better to put things on the surface than to secretly have their own thoughts.
Second: the eccentricity of parents often intensifies the contradictions between children.
Many parents say that they are not partial to their children, but parents who often say so, those words are untenable.
Saying that he is not biased, but sometimes there are good things, they are given to the younger children first; saying that the sons and daughters are the same, but when the daughters get married, they want more bride price and keep them for their sons to marry their daughters-in-law.
A lot of eccentricity is something that parents don't consciously do, but it deeply affects children.
Like Xiao Jiang in the above, his parents have been kidnapping him to serve his brother on the grounds that he is an older brother, and Xiao Jiang will feel that even if his parents are a little eccentric to his brother, he will feel that he is an older brother and should take care of his younger brother. It wasn't until the end that he suddenly realized that his parents didn't think that their brother was good at all, but that no matter what his life was, he should help his brother.
The love of parents is endless, and the eccentricity of parents will never change.
Most of the conflicts between children are caused by the eccentricity of their parents. When I was a child, because I was ignored by my parents, I hated the younger brothers and sisters who were valued by my parents, and when I grew up, I was hostile to my brothers and sisters because my parents were unfair, and there were even many people who went to court for the sake of family property.
Maybe we don't understand, is money really important to have family affection? But we overlook that maybe they don't want money, but parental fairness.
Text/No Pen