A psychologist said: "Inferiority is a natural state, as long as there is a contrast, there will be a sense of gap, but also can not change the protection of self." ”
In life, some people are introverted, have a lot of ideas in their hearts when encountering things, but they can't say it, always worry that they are not doing well enough, and the more they don't say it, the more people misunderstand you.
Mr. Li, who lives in Xinxiang, is like this, he is a door-to-door son-in-law, came to live in the woman's home for 14 years, the result was rejected by the woman's family, he did not want to give up the family, but his wife refused to give him the opportunity, in the face of mediation, he said his grievances: "I have tried my best, so great ability." ”
What has he been through, and why does he seem to be honest and make his wife unbearable?
01. Enter the woman's family, with an annual income of about 30,000
Mr. Li has 3 brothers, and his parents are unable to help him build a house, because the family is poor, and he did not marry his daughter-in-law until he was 28 years old.
Under the introduction of friends, he met Ms. Zhang, Who had been divorced once, with a daughter, three sisters in her family, if the two were married, they could live with their parents after marriage, that is, they would be rich.
Entering the son-in-law, equivalent to half a son, does not need you to give a bride price and buy a house, as long as you can give the woman's parents a pension, in the end, it is also the woman's parents who want to give themselves a guarantee for the elderly.
Considering his own conditions, Mr. Li agreed, after marriage, he still went out to work, because of the craftsmanship of a plasterer, most of the time, he worked with the village engineering team, but the amount of work was unstable, and he could work for about 20 days a month.
And Ms. Zhang gave birth to a son after marriage, taking care of two children, has made her very busy, and the pressure of life, let her slowly realize that it is not enough to rely on her husband alone to earn money, because the husband's overall income a year, it is about 30,000, in addition to his own expenses, can only take about 10,000 to the family.
When she first got married, Ms. Zhang had great expectations for her husband, believing that the other party was honest and responsible, and there was technical work, as long as she was willing to endure hardships, her life would always get better and better.
Later, I found that I was wrong, my husband was very honest, but because she didn't like to talk, the two often communicated unpleasantly, for example, she was a person who loved cleanliness and always liked to clean up the house, while her husband was sloppy, his socks were thrown everywhere, as long as he was at home, he made a mess of the room.
She has said her husband many times, hoping that her husband can change it, but her husband ostensibly promised not to change, you are angry with him, he has a greater temper, so that you have pain and cannot say it.
If it is only so, it is not enough, what makes Ms. Zhang difficult to accept is that when her husband gets a salary, he will first spend it on his own, and it will take more than a thousand cigarettes and drinks a month, as for whether the family's money is enough, he does not worry.
Originally, Ms. Zhang hoped that her husband could rely on herself, but it turned out that he had brought more life storms to herself.
02. Family pressure is the source of marital conflict
In order to alleviate the pressure, Ms. Zhang also went out to find a job, but because she had to take care of her children, she could not work overtime, and could only work in a factory near her home, earning about 1600 a month.
The contradiction between husband and wife broke out after the mother-in-law fell ill and was hospitalized, and Ms. Zhang felt that her husband was a person who did not take responsibility.
The mother was sick, and it was supposed that Ms. Zhang needed to pay for the medical expenses, but she did not have much savings at all, so she asked her husband to take out some money, and the husband promised to give ten thousand, but he did not see action.
And during the mother's hospitalization, it was the elderly father who was taken care of in the hospital, Mr. Li once went to visit, drank too much wine, shouted loudly in the hospital corridor, was reminded by the nurse many times, he went in to see his mother-in-law, just saw his mother-in-law vomiting, he stood far away, making his father-in-law very angry.
The father-in-law did not hide his anger: "You want money, no money, no effort, no ability to support this family, what do you want you to do?" ”
Mr. Li did not want to go to the hospital again, he knew that his father-in-law looked down on himself, but he thought that he had tried his best, and he did not go out to spend randomly, and he took it home when he had money, and earning less was the reason for his ability, and he could not do it.
Seeing that he did not want to make progress, the burden of the family was on Ms. Zhang, And Ms. Zhang was also angry, threw him out of the house, proposed a divorce, and told the two children that whoever wanted to let their father in the door would go with him.
Mr. Li left home, there was no place to go, and he did not have the heart to work, the money ran out, so he went back to his hometown, there was no house, he could only live in his brother's house.
He is reluctant to divorce, first, there is no place to go, and second, he does not have much ability to live, and he hopes that his wife can re-accept him.
But from the heart, he also complained about his wife, believing that she was not in the same heart as himself, and did not speak for him when the family encountered contradictions.
Li Xian's life was tangled, but he couldn't find a solution to the problem.
03. Put aside the inferiority complex and work hard to change yourself
On the surface, the couple quarreled because of money, but in fact it was because the two parties were not on the same level.
First of all, the two have different living habits.
Wives love to be clean, husbands are sloppy, if the husband is not willing to change, it is difficult to be recognized, some men always think that they are grinning, but they refuse to empathize, what trouble they have brought to their wives.
If you really love someone, the husband can make a change, the wife is in a good mood, and the husband and wife's feelings will naturally be much better.
Second, the two have different attitudes.
The wife is self-motivated and strives to live a good life, while the husband is able to get by and be satisfied as long as there is stuttering.
And Mr. Li is very selfish, he can ignore the children, but also let himself have tobacco and alcohol, his casual encounters, and his wife's desire for a better life, is a strong contrast.
Many women propose divorce, not because they are afraid of suffering, but because they don't see hope.
Ms. Zhang is a daughter who stays at home, there are old and young, she has the responsibility of supporting the family, if the husband can not support himself, but add to his own blockage, can she not be angry?
Mr. Li longed for his wife's understanding, but refused to understand his wife's feelings first, which is why the two people could not go on.
In the end, Mr. Li is inferior and conceited.
What is inferior is that he entered the woman's home, he felt a little unable to lift his head, from the bottom of his heart he resisted, but because of the objective conditions, he could only settle.
The conceit is that he loves face and longs to be respected, but his wife does not understand him, he is very angry, he does not fully integrate himself into the family, and he is not willing to carry the burden for his wife.
A person's limited ability can be understood, but if the negative life can only be worse and worse, in the time of anger with his wife, Mr. Li did not work well, nor did he take a penny for his wife, when he was homeless, he also hoped that his wife would let him go back, which can only be a fantasy.
Ms. Zhang said she was determined to get a divorce because her husband was completely irresponsible and could not support his own home.
Some netizens in the comment area believe that if Mr. Li is married to his wife, he may be positive and self-motivated, in fact, it is not possible, this is related to a person's personality, some people are too face-saving, and they care about other people's views, but they are unwilling to suffer, no matter where they go, they will let their lives fall into difficulties.
Between husband and wife, if you want to get better and better, you need both parties to work together, what kind of marriage form is not important, even if it is a son-in-law, as long as you support the family, you can still get the respect of the family.
In the final analysis, husband and wife need to share weal and woe, and you can only get the life you want if you pay first.
Give it a thumbs up and go! Do you think that a son-in-law will lose his dignity?