Text/Xiao Meng
Figure/Source network
Some people say that the door-to-door pair is the shackles of love, separating two truly loving lives.
Some people say that marriage is not the romance of the wind and snow, but the cumbersomeness of chai rice oil and salt.
Two perspectives, two mindsets.
The former is like a teenager who does not understand the world, while the latter is more like a middle-aged man who has gone through vicissitudes.
Love is beautiful, but it is not the same thing as marriage.
Qiong Yao's "Plum Blossom Three Alleys of Water and Clouds" tells everyone a story that does not care about the door to the door, and loves vigorously.
The flower-like famous girl falls in love with the poor painter, and despite her parents' objections, she wants to marry him even if she jumps off the building.
The father was distressed by his daughter, so he recruited his son-in-law into his company as a manager, but it turned out that he was a Dou who could not be supported.
He was moody, his private life was chaotic, and he even had an ex-wife and a daughter.
The heroine, Du Qianqian, is crazy for love, but others can see that her beautiful life was ruined by the man.
She was supposed to marry the right brother and live a carefree life as a noble lady.
But because of that man, her life was a chicken feather, without the style of the past, and even inexplicably became a third party.
A lifestyle where love is paramount is enough to ruin a person.
If she is not a love brain, she may not have such a tragic experience when she is cautious and rational about feelings.
Minglan in "Know It or Not" and Xiao Gongye had a confused relationship, although they were not officially together, but both of them understood each other's intentions.
The little grandfather's love is real, there is no opinion, and it is also true that everything is oppressed by the mother.
Minglan likes Xiao Gongye, but she still chooses not to look back in the end.
Gu Tingye once said: "I know Minglan, she marries no one and will not marry Xiao Gongye." ”
The crush that was once in his heart and mind later became a blacklist in the scope of mate selection.
It's not that she's being mean, it's the result of her deliberations.
A weak mother-in-law, a strong mother-in-law, even if you love, you can't marry.
She chose Gu Tingye and thus lived a happy and satisfying life.
Du Qianqian loves the brain, fights for love, and plays a good hand of cards.
Minglan is intelligent and rational, knows how to weigh the pros and cons, and finally has the best marriage.
First, marriage needs to weigh the pros and cons
Weighing the pros and cons is not a disgraceful thing, on the contrary, it is a kind of wisdom, a wisdom that is closely linked to the happiness of marriage.
01 Love is only about love, marriage depends on reality
Love has nothing to do with anything else, only about love.
Don't care about the door to the door, the future wealth, as long as two people love each other.
But marriage doesn't work, marriage has to involve reality.
Chai rice, oil and salt, food, clothing, housing, and family conflicts are all things that everyone has to face.
Love can be a momentary thing, while marriage is a lifetime thing.
02 Marriage is not a matter of two people
Love is a matter for two people, as long as they love each other, they can be together, but marriage is a matter of two families.
The so-called marriage is to closely link two originally unrelated families.
In this process, you will taste the human condition and read the reality of life.
What was not taken seriously by you before became a very important part after marriage.
The involvement of the two families and the dispute of interests will make you breathless.
Second, weighing the pros and cons is the key to a happy and long-term marriage
Marriages that weigh the pros and cons tend to be happier because they minimize the risks from the start and avoid all the bad things that can happen.
01 Family trade-offs
If you grow up in fine clothes, don't fall in love with the children of poor families, the days of poverty alleviation are far less relaxed than you think.
In the long years, your love will be exhausted, and at that moment all the contradictions will quietly come.
If you come from a poor background, don't try to climb high and cross classes through marriage.
Even if you step through the door of their home, you will not get the respect of their family, not only will you be looked down upon, but your family will always be inferior to them.
Marriage is not a matter of two people, but of two families.
Based on this, everyone should consider each other's families.
What kind of social status do they occupy? What is the economic ability and education level?
These are the parts that have to be considered.
If the two families are not equal, the contradiction is sooner or later.
The ancients paid attention to the door to the door, and the elderly also paid attention to the door to the door, that is because they knew that the two families with the right door were more likely to get along harmoniously.
02 Weigh the pros and cons of personal conditions
What are your physical characteristics? How much education do you have? What kind of work do you do? What kind of economic ability is there?
Do a deep introspection of yourself first, and then measure the other person by the same standard.
Not high climbing or poverty alleviation, only looking for the other half of the conditions.
03 Realistic trade-offs
The so-called reality refers to those things that cannot be avoided.
For example, your other half has two younger siblings, their parents have gradually aged, and once you become a member of the family, you will have to take on the responsibility of raising younger siblings in the future.
For example, he has good conditions and is also very motivated, but the original family is like a bottomless pit, and once you step into it, you will shed a layer of skin.
All problems linked to reality must be considered clearly, and the consequences should be considered before deciding what to do.
Third, weighing the pros and cons is the great wisdom of marriage and love
Some people say that marriage is equivalent to the second reincarnation for a woman, which is not entirely accurate, because not only women, but also men.
Marriage is a major event in life, there is no room for sloppiness, everyone can neither be emotional, nor confused, but to use absolute reason to weigh.
Opposite this person and his family, what problems will you encounter after marriage? These are all things to think about in advance.
Weighing the pros and cons is not a calculation, but a sober performance, marriage is a lifelong event, how can everyone be confused and decide?
Marriage requires reason, and a rational marriage is responsible for oneself and for others.