Author/Child
As we all know, marriage is never a matter of two people, but involves two families.
That being the case, then in this relationship, it is inevitable that some outsiders will follow and mix in. The circumstances of mixing up much, thus affecting the feelings of two people, have never been in the minority. Because some interpersonal interactions involved in intimate relationships are the most likely to cause headaches, and a little bit of doing it wrong may be that the two ends are not flattered.
Some time ago, a friend I knew asked me this question: Will I be happy to marry a family with two sons?
She was hesitating because her friends were telling her that if she had a choice, it would be better not to marry a family with two sons, and there would be a lot more trouble, which could have been avoided. But coincidentally, the boyfriend she is talking about now has an older brother.
I told her that there is no standard answer to this question, because different people will face different situations, and in real life, there are really too many variables. But one thing is inevitable: marrying a family with two sons does face more challenges. Many times, it is useless for you to do a good job yourself, not only do you need your husband to be reasonable, your in-laws, your husband's brothers and sisters, and even their other half also need to be reasonable, if one of them is more unreasonable and messes around, then it will affect your feelings, which is an unavoidable thing.
I know an older sister who is 30 years old and marries a husband and a younger brother.
They got married when they were 25 years old, before marriage she thought she was also married to love, did not consider anything, now married for 5 years, the child is more than 3 years old, the two people's days are still in this day of rice oil and salt, grinding away the original feeling of seeing each other for the first time.
But thinking about it carefully, she said that there was no major problem with the relationship between the two people, that is, some relatives of her husband's family affected their feelings.
This relative mainly refers to her husband's brother and sister-in-law.
01. If the in-laws are uneven in a bowl of water, it is impossible to have no emotions in their hearts;
In this world, many things are like this, not suffering from widowhood but suffering from inequality, the same relationship, not afraid of not having much wealth, afraid of uneven distribution of wealth.
She said that when she first got married, her in-laws were bitter and bitter, saying that the conditions in the family were average, and even the bride price was pressed and pressed, and she even helped her in-laws speak with an understanding mentality, and was scolded by her parents. Originally, her parents said that it was an eighty-eight-thousand bride price, and then they added a little dowry of 100,000 cash back, and the furniture of their new house, and her parents also promised to buy it.
Finally, out of understanding the in-laws and husbands, the bride price is sixty-six thousand, and her parents still marry 100,000 plus the furniture of the new house, buy other things, and save and save.
As a result, good guys, when her husband and brother got married, the woman's side of the lion opened her mouth, one said that it was a dowry of 150,000, did not say anything about the dowry, the car could not be less than 200,000, and other various expenses, the specifications were not low, as for the house, her husband's family was a demolition household, divided into 3 houses, so two sons each set, the old man lived in a set.
Her husband's brother loved deeply, plus her in-laws thought that the woman's education was higher, afraid that the marriage was yellow, and actually quickly agreed, unlike her at that time, her in-laws blindly bargained.
She was particularly surprised at the time: "It turned out that when I got married, my mother-in-law cried with me everywhere, all pretended, and the combination was to see me talk well." ”
Later, it turned out that her mother-in-law really thought so, and personally said to her such a sentence: "That is, you understand things, if you change a daughter-in-law, such a situation will definitely be quarreled at home." "She actually wants to argue, but her morality and character don't allow her to argue about these things, so she just complains secretly."
But this kind of situation that is too obvious that a bowl of water is not flat, no matter how reasonable she is, the emotions inside will still surge.
Every time she said this, her husband's attitude was: This is their parents' money, how do you care about them? She said that this is not the case, and that if this situation continues to develop, there will be many phenomena of them suffering losses in the future. Her husband doesn't talk, so she always likes to repeat it. Having said too much, two people will quarrel as soon as they talk about these things.
02. The sensible party will bear more responsibilities, but enjoy less things;
From her husband's brother and sister-in-law, she deeply saw what a crying child has milk to eat.
In her opinion, her husband's brother is too unsystematic, and her sister-in-law is also too capable, and from the various requirements before marriage, she feels that this sister-in-law is not simple, and after marriage, it proves that this is indeed the case.
Her sister-in-law, no matter what, must be compared with them, talking yin and yang, with words, but the in-laws have done a little more for their family, the sister-in-law is eager to go to the house to reveal the tiles, and make trouble at home.
Later, when she went to work, she asked her mother-in-law to help pick up her children to kindergarten, and her mother-in-law had to come quietly to see the face of her daughter-in-law, afraid that her sister-in-law would be angry when she knew it, and make trouble at home again.
But in fact, she said that from the beginning of marriage, spending money to make a start, the in-laws paid too much for the younger son's family, and her husband's brother got married, spending almost 2 times more money than they did when they were married. Her husband had worked for two years, he still had some money in his hand, and he also had a part, and her husband's brother had not had a serious job, and he had no money in his hands, and all this money was from his in-laws.
Including after they got married, the in-laws are still taking money to subsidize the two people in the younger son's family, because after marriage, her sister-in-law is pregnant at home, there is no job, her husband's brother has no job, there is no source of income, can only nibble the old, but their family's words, she said: "My in-laws gave me children, so far I have not even bought a single piece of clothing, all of which we bought ourselves." ”
Despite this, her in-laws often told them that the two of them should be able to do something, so instead of helping them, they wanted to help their young son, hoping that everyone could be good together. She listened to it again, it was always easy to get angry, thinking that everyone was the same person, the same situation, why should they have to eat the old at home, or should they? Can they help like this for a lifetime?
In her opinion, as far as the character of her husband's brother and sister-in-law is concerned, the in-laws are now digging their hearts and lungs for them, and whether they can point to them when they are old is still unknown, don't put all the pressure on them when the time comes. Such a reality, she has not seen before.
Therefore, whenever she thinks about these things, this sister feels that the cut is still messy, and she feels a huge headache, because this relationship will last a lifetime.
I have to say that under general circumstances, marrying a family with two sons often requires stronger communication skills and pressure resistance, if everyone is good with one heart and one mind, naturally there will be no major contradictions, afraid that as long as you encounter an ignorant person, then everyone may have followed badly.
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