A local tycoon said to the female assistant: "If you can make the people in the office quarrel within three minutes, I will invite you to eat Haidilao after work!" The female assistant said, "OK, no problem, I'll do it in three seconds."

A local tycoon said to the female assistant: "If you can make the people in the office quarrel within three minutes, I will invite you to eat Haidilao after work!" The female assistant said, "OK, no problem, I can do it in three seconds!" After saying this, the female assistant rolled up her sleeves and shouted to the crowd: "PHP is the best language in the world!" "After a second of silence, the whole office began a fierce quarrel, and it was going to fight! The local tycoon said helplessly, "Okay! Let's go, let's go to dinner! The female assistant refused, "You go first!" I had to make it clear to them that PHP was the best language in the world. ”

On a foggy day, the buddies can't see the road clearly when driving, but there are urgent things to do. At this time, I saw the lights of a car in front of me and followed. But after walking for a while, the front car did not leave, he waited for a while, a little impatient, got out of the car and shouted: "Why doesn't the front car go?" Someone from the front said, "I'm home." "Dude saw that the car had reached the garage.

Yesterday morning my parents didn't tell me that it was raining today. When I came home from school, I just walked to the door, lightning and thunder, and it began to rain. Taxis don't solicit customers either, and I don't have an umbrella with me. I was determined to send a message to my dad: Dad, it's raining heavily outside and I don't have an umbrella with me, can you come and pick me up? There are no cars on this road. My dad replied, "I'm sorry, I've slept." I just wanted to turn off my phone, and my dad's circle of friends forwarded one: "Children without umbrellas must learn to run."

I usually like to tease female colleagues, and every time I tease her, I am not angry, I am yelling at me: Hum, you are waiting for me. When I was about to leave work today, my female colleague came to me with a smile and asked me: Brother, accompany me to meet some friends after work. I said: Don't go, you look for someone else, the female colleague saw the situation, took out 500 yuan and said: Accompany me, this money is yours. Looking at the face of the money, I reluctantly agreed.

The chairman's daughter returned from studying in the United States.

Not long ago, the chairman's daughter was pregnant, and the chairman was very angry and asked: Whose child is it?

The chairman's daughter did not dare to say it directly, so she said: The child is our company.

The chairman was furious, and then more than 80 people in the company resigned, and I also prepared my resignation application with trepidation.

The chairman looked at me and said, "Xiao Zhang, you don't have to resign." ”

I was so happy, I didn't expect the chairman to trust me so much!

As a result, the chairman then said: "You are the ugliest in the whole company, and my daughter will not look at you if she is blind!" ”

The chairman's daughter cried and said, "Dad, I'm so blind!" ”

On the weekend, I helped my female colleague change the light bulbs and helped her tidy up the messy room.

Busy until noon, the female colleague smiled and said, "I'll invite you to a big dinner later." ”

I said, "Just eat your own food." "At 1 o'clock in the afternoon, my female colleague asked me to go to dinner, a large plate of dumplings.

She said: "After half a day of busy work, there is nothing to entertain, give you dumplings." ”

After saying that, she turned around and went to the room without eating.

I looked at the steaming dumplings, a little angry, which left the guests and ran away...

Bored at night, on WeChat, i shook a girl who worked in a textile factory. Looking at the photos looks OK, decisively add friends, we talk very speculatively. Today, I asked her out for dinner. When I got to the restaurant, she told me that she had been a vegetarian since she was a child and didn't stick to any meat. I looked at her in amazement, and she must have seen my doubts and said, "Why do you want to know?" Me: "Yeah, I'm curious, why are you so fat after you're all vegetarian?" ”?

Goddess: "I'm looking for a husband who can cook, what will you do?" Scumbag: "Chicken with shiitake mushrooms, braised pork ribs, and sauerkraut fish are many, many more." Then the scumbag took the goddess home and showed a hand, which was actually all instant noodles, and then the goddess married the scumbag. Ten years later, the scumbag asked, "When you knew that the dishes I cooked were instant noodles, why did you marry me?" The goddess sneered, "The first time I've seen someone blow bubble instant noodles so fresh and vulgar, I think you're also a thoughtful person!" ”

I have a cousin who is very nice and is very good at living. Selling vegetables in the vegetable market, a bunch of green vegetables, the leaves are yellow and reluctant to throw away, and no one wants three dollars. The cousin came back from work, stripped off all the yellow leaves, and snatched up five pieces and a pound. Cousin education cousin: This dish is like a woman who needs to lose weight and dress up, weight loss and dress up is worth it, if you were willing to spend money to make a fuss, why can you be cheap enough to marry me? How much is the bride price worth? The cousin thought it was a loss, spent more than five thousand to buy cosmetics, and the cousin regretted it...

My wife and I were walking along the road when we suddenly saw a group of people watching a man beating a woman. I quickly ran into the crowd of onlookers, thinking how can a man hit a woman, and I took the man's hand and said: Let go! Stop it! People who were all passing by threw their admiring glances at me. The man turned to look at me, his eyes widened, and said: What? You want to be beaten too, don't you? Seeing him like this, I quickly said: Don't worry! After a while of fighting again, my wife also wants to see how men hit women.?

#Funny paragraph # #搞笑 #