1, mom bought a small black chicken a few months ago, came back excitedly told my father to wait, in two months let you eat nutritious black eggs, it is hard to wait until the black chicken grows, just today, is

1, mom bought a small black chicken a few months ago, came back excitedly told my dad to wait for it, in two months let you eat nutritious black eggs, it is hard to wait until the black chicken grows, just today, is this morning, in the morning I am still sleeping, as if I smelled a smell of chicken soup...

2. An officer said to a soldier, "You're stupid! A hundred rounds of ammunition were fired yesterday, and none of them hit the target! Soldier: "That was yesterday, and today I improved!" Officer: "Oh, did you hit the target today?" Soldier: "Although I still didn't hit a single shot today, I only fired fifty bullets this time!"

3, the daughter has a cold, a little afraid of the cold, refuses to sleep alone, runs up to the big bed at night, hugs her mother tightly... Me: "Baby, why don't you hold Daddy?" Daughter: "Dad has to go to work every day, and he has to pick me up and send me to school, I don't want to spread the cold to him!!! ”

4, female colleagues drunk I can't carry her home, pour her water, drink tea for half a day she is better, drunken eyes said to me: Don't you want to do what you men want to do the most, tonight I will not go. Finally waiting for this sentence, I was in tears, you know me too well! "You sleep." I took the quilt and covered her, turned on the computer and started playing games...

5, a few days ago, the company's leaders gave me two bottles of good wine, and I took two bottles of good wine to the father-in-law's house as a guest. The old man and the brother-in-law took turns drinking with me, and in the end I drank like mud! I woke up the next morning and found that my girlfriend had been dead-faced. After careful questioning, I learned that the future husband drunk me last night and asked me: Why do you look at my daughter? I replied: Good breeding is not picky eaters, people are stupid and have no memory!

6, eleven, I bought a lot of gifts to go home, but my mother did not even give me a smiley face, nor did she cook for me. I was so frustrated that I ate a pack of instant noodles myself and went to sleep. The next morning I slept and crept out of the room, my mother smiled and squinted and brought a bowl of beef noodles to my hand, smiled and said: Son, eat it while it is hot! Not enough soy milk fritters, want to eat what mom to do again! I was shocked, did not dare to take the bowl, weakly asked: Mom, today is very happy? My mother said: Yes, the old Zhang next door said two days ago that her son was going to bring the object back, and yesterday his son brought a boy back! Laugh me to death!

7, colleague Xiao Liu just participated in the work rent to live in the urban-rural combination department, today at work he fell asleep on the table, I asked him what happened to him he cried to me: Sister, I can't sleep these nights, watch the rats fight every night. I patted him on the shoulder and said: Thinking about the benefits, the room money of January 122, I also want to watch free dramas at night...

8, chat with the girlfriend at night, the girlfriend said: If you want to catch a man's heart, you must grab the man's stomach. I thought it made sense, so I started cooking for my husband every night. As a result, it was eight o'clock the next night, and my husband had not returned. I angrily dialed my husband's phone: I've already made dinner, and if you don't come home in 20 minutes, I'll pour it over and feed it to the dog. After less than ten minutes my husband came back breathlessly, and I said happily: Honey, you are still the best for me. The husband said helplessly: The dog did not make a mistake, you actually did this to it.

9, netizens: the wife is particularly painful when giving birth to children, and complains about her husband: "It is all your trouble, and I am missing half a life." After the husband listened, he moved to the guest room to sleep. A month and a half passed. That night, the husband's door rang and the husband asked, "Who?" The wife said outside the door: "Here comes not to be afraid of death."

10, my daughter and I are both amateur astronomy enthusiasts, and finally my daughter went to college to study in the astronomy department. Today my girlfriend called me: Dad, you always thought that I didn't listen to the constellations when I explained the constellations to me before. But the other night I was walking with an ordinary friend, and I showed him the Big Dipper and Orion, and you must be very happy, right? I said: Very happy, the other night I was walking with your mother and saw the Big Dipper, but we didn't see Orion, because at this time of year Orion doesn't appear until one o'clock in the morning. So, who is your "ordinary friend"?

11, I have a sister, selling silver jewelry in my hometown, the business is not bad, it hurts me, I just finished reading, I want to work in the provincial city, the girl went out to work for the first time, the family was very worried, that morning my sister sent me to the train station, after I stepped on the train, my sister shouted to me at the platform: Work is too hard to go home, go sell silver with my sister! The train started and I felt like the whole car was watching me!

12, to a friend who has successfully lost weight to ask for weight loss methods, he sent me four words: show color can be eaten. When it comes to the meal, go to the street to see the beautiful women, and you will not feel hungry in an instant. The next morning, I lifted a chair and sat on the side of the street, looking at every beautiful woman who passed by, fat and thin, each with its own style. Not to mention, the unique effect. In the afternoon, I was beaten up by a few men, beating them while shouting and beating the satyrs. My mouth swollen up, my teeth fell out twice, I couldn't eat for three days, and I lost several pounds...

13. When we were young, the teacher asked us to go home and make a small wooden sword of a few centimeters each. At that time, for the sake of face, my father made me a dragon slaying sword of tens of centimeters overnight. It's so much like that. Then the next day I went to school, and I overslept inexplicably, and then I went to the school just in time for the flag-raising ceremony, and the whole school watched Lao Tzu carry a dragon slaying sword behind him and entered the school!

14, have a dog, in the morning want to teach him to go to the toilet to pee, but it does not understand, so I began to pee on the pit, and looked at it it looked at me, thoughtfully insisted on a week, it came to wake me up every morning to let me go to the toilet to pee for it.