The peasant couple was kidnapped shortly after getting off the train, and the kidnappers demanded 1 million! The old farmer said, "I can only get 100 yuan." The kidnapper shouted, "Poor, I obviously heard you on the train."

The peasant couple was kidnapped shortly after getting off the train, and the kidnappers demanded 1 million! The old farmer said, "I can only get 100 yuan." The kidnapper shouted: "Less pretending to be poor, I obviously heard you say on the train that 200,000 yuan will be used to build a new house, 500,000 for your son to marry his daughter-in-law, and you will also travel, buy a car, and eat seafood!" The peasant paused and said, "Cough, you didn't hear the previous words, I and my daughter-in-law are daydreams after winning the jackpot!" But we don't have extra money to buy lottery tickets!

2 Girlfriends brought their 5-year-old son to Greenland Group to work overtime, the son looks very cute, many female colleagues want to hug the son is not willing. The female colleague asked: "Little friend, what's wrong, don't let the aunt hug!" The son said unceremoniously: "I will let your female manager hold it, I will only let the female manager hold it!" The son is also snobbish, from a young age learned to pat the leader of the horse's ass, taking advantage of the girlfriend's time to go to the toilet, the son said to the female colleague: "My father said that you are all dinosaurs!" ”

3 After dinner, I read the newspaper in the living room and asked my wife, "Did you wash the dishes?" ”

The wife said solemnly: "Husband, you should ask like this, baby, I will go and wash the dishes for you!"

Then I said, husband, it's been washed. How nice it is to wash it like this..."

So, I said, "Baby, I'll go wash your dishes!" Wife: "Well, go ahead." ”

4 The brother-in-law went on a business trip with a wonderful female executive and took a sleeper on the train. At night, the brother-in-law slept soundly, was woken up by the female executive in the opposite bunk, and took a picture of him with her mobile phone. The brother-in-law got up angrily and asked angrily: What do you want to do? Female executive: You fell to the ground on the quilt, but you can't rob me! The brother-in-law took a closer look, his quilt lay quietly on the ground, while he grabbed the quilt of the female executive in one hand and was about to drag it over. The female executive's other hand was clutching the corner of the quilt deadly, with a helpless face. 

5 Take a nap with my husband, I woke up but did not open my eyes, my husband thought I was still sleeping, I felt that he had been rubbing his hands on my face very seriously, and from time to time he gently kissed, just when I thought he was going to sigh like a general TV drama plot", "Wife you are so beautiful!" And so on, as a result, the goods came faintly: "Such a big head, marinated into pork head meat is enough to make several large plates!" ”

6 The sister-in-law told the wolf-like mother-in-law that the father recently had a hot chat with a little sister whom Taobao knew, do you care? After hearing this, the mother-in-law smiled slightly, pulled the little sister-in-law aside and said to her: The little sister that your old father added is me, I am knocking on the side to inquire, where he hid the private money, you must not tell your father! The sister-in-law happily returned to her father and shouted: Dad, you guessed right, sure enough, it is mom, now you can lead me to buy a Huawei mobile phone, right?

7 The man made an appointment with his buddies to drink at the restaurant, and drank until he was drunk in the middle of the night and went home. Just squinting in the car for a while, suddenly in the middle of the road traffic jam. Watching the meter rubbing up and down, the man really couldn't sit still, and said to the driver with a distressed face: Master, I will get off here. The driver turned his head to look at him and calmly asked: Brother has ever heard a famous saying? Man: What's the quote? Driver: The road you choose, you have to go down!

8 When I was in college, my freshman military training was tanned, and when I came home and saw me in the mirror, I was super annoyed, and my mother said: Son, you are as ugly as black or not! I asked my mother: Mom, to tell you the truth, I didn't send it when you charged your phone bill! My mother was stunned and said: Little bunny cub, don't you talk about yourself so high-end, you can actually hook up with the mobile company? You just bought a basket of native eggs at the wet market, and the store kindly gave me one more.

9 A girl in the unit took the driver's license for three years, and finally got the driver's license yesterday. During the break at noon, she told us she planned to buy a car and asked us to recommend it. Everyone said everything, and she listened to everyone's opinions and did not make a sound. Finally, she said: I want to buy the car of our coach, I may not be used to other cars, but I am embarrassed to talk to the coach. The crowd was silent at that time, and the manager said: I suggest you don't buy it first, I'm afraid that after you buy it back, you will only drive the road you have learned.

10 A female thief came to my house in the middle of the night yesterday to steal, and I caught her squarely. I was going to hit 110, and she asked me without hurrying, "Did you lose anything?" I replied, "No." She immediately showed a fierce light, "You hurry up, you didn't lose, but I lost." My 7-figure diamond was dropped, just so the police could help me see it. ”

My brain cramped and I immediately threw her out of my house.

Poor me searched at home for three days and three nights, but I didn't even see a figure.

Thinking back to the strange smile on the corner of her mouth, I finally knew that I was deeply tricked by her!

11 Yesterday I came home from vacation, found that my parents were not at home, thought they had something to do, and came back later. Later, I was really hungry, so I looked around at home, saw the plum dish on the table, and took two pancakes and ate them directly. After eating and preparing to brush the bowl, I found that the bowl of button meat bowl was pressed under the note: Girl, this bowl of button meat has been hot for several days and no one has eaten, if you have not eaten, come to the seafood restaurant, me and my father are waiting for you...

12 Just got off work, ready to go home, waiting for the bus, after getting on the bus, I found that there was a seat, just sat down ready to doze off, tired.

But I didn't sleep, there were more and more people behind several stations, the seats were full, and there were many people standing,

Suddenly I noticed a woman getting in the car and coming up to me, and hugging a little girl of one or two years old, and I knew at a glance that she was waiting for me to sit down.

I didn't think much of it at the time, so I said to the little girl, "Little friend, come, uncle is holding you." ”