In the morning, I went to the vegetable market to buy vegetables, weighed a pound of river shrimp, and the boss skillfully filled the bag and threw it on the electronic scale. I shouted: Slow! He said and pulled out a 500ml bottle of mineral water. Didn't expect stalls

In the morning, I went to the vegetable market to buy vegetables, weighed a pound of river shrimp, and the boss skillfully filled the bag and threw it on the electronic scale. I shouted: Slow! He said and pulled out a 500ml bottle of mineral water. Unexpectedly, the stall owner also reacted to God, and immediately picked up the bag and said: Just remembered, this scale was just broken yesterday, come and I will take you to the opposite side to weigh it. And then I walked away without looking back!。。。。。

2. The weather forecast said there would be heavy rain in the next three days, and my wife asked me to buy a raincoat. Today, when I went to work, my wife called again and asked: Have you bought it? Me: Honey, buy it and take home the raincoat at night! Just after I finished speaking, the people in the office burst into laughter, and they looked at me very differently. Did I say something wrong? Is my Mandarin not standard?

3. My home is on the 6th floor and I came home with my boyfriend last night. Entered the elevator to play mobile phone, did not pay attention to see, on the fifth floor out of the elevator, found that it was wrong, so take the stairs up. As a result, I went to the seventh floor because I looked down at my mobile phone, and when I turned back, I found my boyfriend quietly following me. I asked him: Why don't you tell me I went wrong? The boyfriend said: I just want to see whose house you really want to go to!

4. I confess to a girl I have liked for a long time: "I liked you a long time ago, can you be my girlfriend?" Girl: "I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend!" Me: "Well, I'm really sorry, I said something I shouldn't have said, I went first!" Girl: "Hey, wait a minute!" I thought the girl had an idea about me and asked, "What's wrong?" Girl: "I would say that even if I don't have a boyfriend, I wouldn't choose to be with you." ”

5. My boyfriend and I are getting married, and I go out for a walk every day to lose weight in order to put on a beautiful wedding dress. Today is about to go out, my boyfriend sneered at me again: I told you, you are useless for walking, you will only grind your legs shorter and shorter, how can you still walk? Suddenly, he remembered something and asked me: Don't you feel that there is a lack of oxygen? I asked: Ah, why is there a lack of oxygen for walking? He said: Your legs are short, your breathing position is down, and your carbon dioxide is sinking at the bottom, aren't you short of oxygen?

6. When I was in medical school, I always had a crush on Banhua. One day, I plucked up the courage to ask Ban Hua, "If there is only me and a dog left in this world, who will you choose?" Ban Hua thought for a moment and said, "I choose you." I replied happily, "Well, I like you too." Ban Hua was angry: "Then I choose the dog!" I cleared my throat and uttered three words: "Whoops! ”

The beautiful female colleague offended a customer, the customer came to the door, the mediation was fruitless, and threatened to cancel all orders, unless the female colleague apologized to him on his knees. The boss, who has always been a money fan, bowed his head and did not speak, suddenly burst into flames, punched the customer's chin, and said: Every employee I regard as family! Cancel, cancel! scram! We were stunned to see it, and our colleagues sounded thunderous applause, and it was worth dying with such a boss! Even my old employee is boiling with blood and wants the boss's sister-in-law to kneel? Are you kidding me? As a result, the customer canceled the order, the company fell into a predicament that month, could not pay the salary, the boss had no choice, had to run away with the sister-in-law. Since then, his legend has flowed down the rivers and lakes.....

2. In order to please his mother-in-law, the rich man bought a fruit crisp golden orange that his brother saw once, which was small in size and looked like an orange on the outside, and oranges on the inside, which were particularly sweet. The rich man said: Mom, you taste it, but it is delicious! Mother-in-law said: How delicious can it be, you say that breaking the big sky is not an orange, picking such a small one by one is very difficult, right? Oranges are oranges, buy oranges are oranges, and buy a skewer!

3. The husband's family is rural, and today the pigs are slaughtered for guests. There were a lot of relatives from his house, and I didn't know much. At dinner, I had a special conversation with an aunt, the values of life were completely in tune, and we talked for a long time, and when she left, I asked my mother-in-law what to call the aunt. As a result, the mother-in-law said: No need to call, she is a well-known fool in her husband's village. forehead! Now ignore me, I want to be quiet...

4. I broke up peacefully with my boyfriend when I was in college, but I was still very sad. I don't think about tea and rice, I can't sleep at night, and I wash my face with tears all day. The roommate comforted: "You are good-looking, gentle and virtuous, your education is still high, and you are still worried about not being able to marry?" I stopped and said, "You think so too?" The roommate nodded seriously: "Well, if you believe it, after all, it's not easy for me to lie!" ”

5. Last year, I just finished my busy life, accompanied my girlfriend back to my hometown, and prepared a little gift. After arriving at the place, my father-in-law saw the gift in my hand and said to me with a happy face: Come here, and bring so many things to do. I just wanted to be polite, my father-in-law continued: I will also send you something later, and the peanuts in the field can be picked! I was very happy, who knows I picked peanuts in the field for three days...

Do not disturb, the male guest came out and began to introduce himself: "I deal with the land all day!" In an instant the lights went out six. Male guest: "I don't have a stable high salary!" Then the lights went out eight more. Male guest: "I'm not going to buy a house yet!" Finally, the lights were all out. The host hurried to round the field: "I think many people look down on our peasant brothers, thinking that they have no money and no house, which is an extremely wrong idea!" Male guest: "Interrupt, I'm not a farmer, I'm a real estate developer." ”

2. Some time ago, my girlfriend chatted with me, and she has been very haggard lately. My girlfriend asked me: Do you think I am thin, can I raise fish in my collarbone? I told her: I'm thin too, and I can see my collarbone. She asked me to show her and looked at it for a while. Then calmly said: Well, honey, your collarbone is 80% shy, play hide-and-seek with me!

3. I was very upset that my blind date was looked down upon by the woman at night, and I said, "I have 6 sets of buildings and 2 sets of villas!" Drunken 1200 flat! A Rolls-Royce, a Porsche 911! The woman was no longer arrogant, looking at her smiling happily, I said: "Why don't you ask me if I can see your face and body?" "I got up and went straight away. For such a woman, I began to admire myself, bragged that I could go directly in front of the woman, leaving her to pay alone...