1. One night I was drunk and took a taxi back to the public security department, the fare was 18 yuan, giving the driver 50 yuan, the driver saw that I was drunk, he looked for me 2 yuan, I was drunk and looked at the driver, the driver asked me: You gave me more

1. One night I drunk taxi back to the public security department, the fare is 18 yuan, give the driver 50 yuan, the driver sees me drunk, he looks for me 2 yuan, I will be drunk to see the driver, the driver asked me: How much do you give me? I said 100 yuan, and the driver immediately said: Obviously it is 50 yuan. I looked at him again, and he looked for 30 bucks. I was still drunk and misty looking at him, an hour later the driver cried, I thought I have time anyway, just in time to wake up in the car, the province's home wife did not open the door and was scolded!

2. "The sister-in-law scored 688 points in the college entrance examination, and the admission score of Tsinghua University was 687 points." At that time, I could spoil my sister-in-law and feel that my luck was too good! She happily sent a circle of friends: Haha, what luck am I, the admission line is 687 points, I just took the test 688 points! The father-in-law commented in the following seconds: Haha, good coincidence, my daughter also scored 688 points in the college entrance examination! At that time, the sister-in-law was stunned, and replied at the bottom: Dad, do you have any other daughters besides me?

3. Driving a car to hit people, the bottom of the family lost, can only ride the tram with the daughter-in-law out, wait for the traffic light when she feet on the ground, stand up, I did not pay attention to the green light to the I rode away, a mile after only to find the back surprisingly quiet, a look at my daughter-in-law! Thinking that this is miserable, hurry back. Finding her daughter-in-law, she said, Oh, look at you, come and come or I'll drive. I let out a long sigh of relief, and then I chased the tram all the way home...

4. Yesterday afternoon, I was out eating with my friends on the way and I picked up a wallet. Inside the wallet were hundreds of dollars and id cards, and a note: I often drop things, you just take the money and give me the id. So, I called. Picked up over there: Hello, I am not the owner of this mobile phone, I also picked up this mobile phone...

5. My brother was dating a girl yesterday who never eats meat and is a vegetarian.

At the dinner table the brother looked at her in amazement, and she probably saw his doubts as well.

He smiled and said, "Do you have something to say to me?" You're also curious about me, right? Brother: "I must be curious, I was wondering how you cultivated the fat on your fleshy body?" ”‘

6. Some time ago, my girlfriend chatted with me, and she has been very haggard lately. My girlfriend asked me: Do you think I am thin, can I raise fish in my collarbone? I told her: I'm thin too, and I can see my collarbone. She asked me to show her and looked at it for a while. Then calmly said: Well, honey, your collarbone is 80% shy, play hide-and-seek with me!

7. Today, when I was working overtime, my father, who had not sent me a message for a long time, called me. Looking at the phone call from my father, I was a little confused, after all, I had not contacted my family for a long time, and I was very sad. Pick up: Son, the weather is getting colder, you have to pay more attention. I was touched: Dad, rest assured, I will take care of myself!! My Dad: No, I mean it's cold, you have to pay more attention to buying your mom a few clothes!!

8. My daughter-in-law is 3 months pregnant, recently always eat some strange things, tonight are going to sleep, have to shout to eat stinky tofu, I really can't help, drive in the middle of the night to buy her, I drive on the narrow road in the community, in front of an old man walking in the middle of the road, do not let me, I slammed the horn. The old man flashed aside and shouted at me in the car: Your horn is pressed, and it scares me to death. I said politely: I followed behind you, hoping that you could hear the sound of the car engine and give way, but you didn't hear it. The old man replied: I can't hear your engine, which means that your car is so wow.

9. After getting married, I bought a new house, and just moved in today, I invited my girlfriend to come and see it together. I was afraid that my girlfriend would not see it, so I opened the window, picked up the big fluorescent red panties of my husband who was basking on the balcony, waved them while shouting, look here, look here. After a long time, many people downstairs came to watch. I didn't see my girlfriend stop their car. It also caused a group of big aunts to talk about it at the bottom.

10. Yesterday I asked my wife for 200 yuan to buy a double foot to build, and my wife did not give it. The son next to him said, "Mom, the school will pay 200 yuan for books." "The wife gave it directly to her son, and then went to take a bath." My son stuffed the money into me and said, "Dad, this is what I lent you, and if I grow up and get married so badly, you must not forget me!" ”

11. On weekends, I will accompany my wife to the mall when I have nothing to do at home. My wife wandered around the mall and bought a lot of things, and I carried a lot of things in one hand. The wife said bitterly: "Don't mention so many things in one hand, it feels like I bullied you." "My heart is warm and I am about to say baby I am not tired. The two goods immediately said, "You two hands." "I:

12. At night, I went for a walk on the pedestrian street with my husband, and when I passed a pharmacy in the middle of the way, I saw an electronic scale at the door and stood up. I found myself weighing a pound heavier than the day before yesterday, and I thought it was my shoes that were too heavy, so I took them off and weighed them again. However, the numbers displayed on the scale are exactly the same as when I put on my shoes. I shouted at the store, "Boss, the scales in your shop don't seem to be accurate!" My husband immediately stopped me: "Don't shout, don't you feel ashamed?" Is there any difference between lifting a shoe in your hand and wearing it on your foot when weighing? ”

13. When I was working for a listed group, I secretly fell in love with the president's only daughter. As a result, the paper package could not hold the fire, and it did not take long for the president to find out and simply kicked me out of the company. I was incompetent and couldn't find a good job, so I went to a chemical plant as a temporary worker. At night, I live in a staff dorm, and I have a roommate who often buys socks. At first I thought he was lazy, dirty and didn't want to wash, so I bought it. After a few days, I found out that this brother washed his socks regularly, and I was very puzzled and asked him why. The roommate scratched his head and said: I took the socks to the sun, and when it is dry, I don't know which one is mine!

 #Funny##搞笑段子 #