1, the first time I slept with my boyfriend, I hid in the bed and did not dare to come out. My boyfriend saw that I was unwilling and embarrassed to force me, so we fell asleep at a long distance

1, the first time I slept with my boyfriend, I hid in the bed and did not dare to come out. My boyfriend saw that I was unwilling and embarrassed to force me, so we fell asleep at a long distance. At night, suddenly the boyfriend said that this life is so short. At that time, I slipped into his arms and asked him shyly: Have you ever fought for anyone? As a result, the boyfriend came to a sentence: my stomach has been frozen for an hour, and I don't cover the quilt anymore, and I guess I really have diarrhea.?

2, the ex-girlfriend ran away with a man who was shorter and uglier than me for money last few months, these days called me to say that the man abandoned him, remembered my good, I resolutely rejected her, she is now crying and making trouble, saying that now she only has me, do not agree to her she will go to cut her wrists to commit suicide. So the question is, do I go to her funeral in red or in black?

3, recently the wife is losing weight. Eat vegetarian for three meals a day. I can't stand it anymore. So I secretly went to the brine stall to buy two pounds of pork head meat. At 11:00 p.m. the wife was already asleep. I sneaked up from bed. Slipped into the study. Open the bag of two pounds of pork head meat. I started eating excitedly because I like to eat it. Especially in the dead of night, the sound of the bar is very loud. It woke up my wife. My fate will not be said, very desolate.

4. The rich businessman married an actress, and after the marriage, the two went to Bali for their honeymoon. Back at the door a month later, the rich merchant wiped his pockets: "Oh, the keys to the house are missing!" The actress said unhappily: "I know you are careless, this is not, I deliberately hid it when I went out." The rich merchant was instantly relieved: "Great, hurry up and open the door." The actress said sheepishly, "But I hid it in a drawer in the house." ”

5. A year ago, I was a school flower sought after by thousands of people in the School of Foreign Languages, and now I have willingly degenerated into the dry daughter of a 60-year-old rich man. I saved up the 100,000 yuan that my father gave me every month, and now I have saved 6.8 million, and then Bought a house in Tomson Yipin. Yesterday, an old man next door came knocking on the door. Old Man: "Do you have dirty clothes to wash at home?" I said, "Yes, what's wrong?" The old man: "Give it to me." I said, "No, how nice to let you wash." The old man: "It's not me washing, today is not a love day, there are a lot of people, I really don't have dirty clothes to wash." ”

6, last night and my wife went to eat spicy hot, we both ordered 300 yuan, and then because of a little quarrel, and finally no one paid attention to anyone, bored to eat. Halfway I went to the bathroom, came back to find my wife not quitting, I looked outside the door and found that my wife had already got into a taxi! I immediately rushed to the door and "servant" and directly knelt down, saying: "Wife, I am wrong, come back quickly!" The boss who sold spicy hot looked at me with disdain and said, "Manly big husband in front of so many people under. Kneeling, that's humiliating, isn't it? I said, "You know a fart?" The money is all hers, I don't have a penny! ”

7. Once I got into a fight with a boy in our village who was a few years older than me, but I couldn't beat him, so I ran to his house to complain. His parents knew that they were wrong, so they made me a delicious meal, and I was originally breathless, crying and crying, and I was not angry in an instant! To be honest, what his parents cooked was so delicious. Then I took the initiative to provoke him every time I was hungry.

8. On the bus to the supermarket this day, I was sitting on the seat playing with my mobile phone, and next to me stood two girls who did not look like junior high school students chatting. One of them said to the other: I tell you, this man, you have to keep bothering him, there is nothing to find something for him, he will not dump you if he pays more, because he is not willing... So young can be a flirt, do your family know? As a 91-year-old aunt who can only silently clutch the dog food in her hand, there is indeed a reason for being single!

9. This morning, the aunt on the door burned garbage in front of the house. I said angrily: How do you burn garbage? My aunt glared at me and said, "Aren't you burning too?" I said solemnly: Today is Qingming, I burned paper money, for my grandmother! Auntie nodded: "Yes, I also burned it for my grandmother, she picked up garbage before she died!" I:......

10. This Year's Spring Festival, I bought a lot of gifts to go home for the New Year, just to show off in front of my relatives and friends. When I got to my house, I opened the door and looked at it, and I didn't see my cousin for a long time, and I felt that my cousin was fat again. So, I asked curiously: What good things have you eaten? My cousin sighed: Don't mention it, my brother once this year went to my boyfriend's house for the New Year. Dizzy sitting in the car, get out of the car and throw up, the future mother-in-law thinks I am pregnant, give me all kinds of supplements!!

11. The little uncle lived up to the expectations of the whole family and successfully passed the 211 examination. Just a week after the start of school, the little uncle looked at a beautiful teacher who was 20 years apart, but he never had the courage to confess to the teacher. The little uncle, who had been in a crush for three years, finally couldn't help it, and after drinking three bottles of XO on the night of his senior year, he found a beautiful teacher and confessed to her. After a touching love story, I only heard the teacher say: You are still young, and when you graduate, I will promise to be with you. Now 10 years later, at one o'clock in the morning yesterday, the little uncle found the female teacher, cried and said: Teacher, is it okay if I don't chase you? Please, let me graduate soon!

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #