In college, a sister in her dormitory ate a diet meal, and there was a recipe for a meal that required a slice of meat. The sister went to the deli shop in front of the school and said to the boss, "Give me 5 cents of meat." The owner didn't have a table

In college, a sister in her dormitory ate a diet meal, and there was a recipe for a meal that required a slice of meat. The sister went to the deli shop in front of the school and said to the boss, "Give me 5 cents of meat." The owner did not indicate an abnormality, cut a slice and quickly chopped it up. Kindly say, "Feed the turtles, I'll chop you up."

2, the little uncle is a premature baby in poor health, not long after birth died. The mother-in-law suffered from depression for this reason, and finally drank a bottle of enemy fear and committed suicide. The father-in-law took the 1.2 billion inheritance left by his mother-in-law and married a divorced flight attendant with children, and his life was quite happy. Recently, during the summer vacation, the flight attendant plans to sign up for a class for her child, so as not to play mobile phones and watch TV at home. As soon as the father-in-law heard that it needed tens of thousands of dollars, he said: Well, it is nothing for children to watch TV and play with mobile phones. The flight attendant said angrily: "Hmm, I'm definitely going to die behind you, and I must spend the money you saved by slamming the door!"

3, before looking at the monster, sitting next to me is a girl. Seeing that she took a picture, I asked: "Are you also a single dog who comes alone to brush the magic beast and send a circle of friends?" She said, "No, I took a picture of it and sent it to my off-site boyfriend, and we made an appointment to watch the premiere together." Before the movie began, she uttered a voice, "For Azeroth!" I said softly, "For the tribe." ”

4, the neighbor two petite and exquisite. Subject 2 exam due to the problem of line of sight, died on the S road. The appointment was successful, others were carrying the exam materials, and she was holding a pillow, under the surprised gaze of the examiner, calmly put the pillow under the ass...

5, girlfriends on the road to hijack the car, still holding milk tea in their hands. When you find that the shoelaces are loose, you put the drink on the top of the garbage can at the station, tie the laces and continue to pick up the drink. At this time, there was a strange look floating next to it, and some people said: This woman's length is quite good, dressed quite clean, but the brain is not good to make a pity. The girlfriend looked puzzled: Don't talk about me again!

6, every other week, my wife will ask me this question: "I fell into the water at the same time as your mother, who will you save first?" I just thought about it and said, "I'm sure I'll save you first." The wife looked surprised and asked, "What about your mother?" I said, "I'll save you first, but I'll go home before I can get you." The wife was puzzled and asked, "Why?" I said, "Because I have to go back and call my dad to save my mom!"

7, look at the end of Liang Zhu, when Liang Zhu transformed into two butterflies in the sad music, the corners of my eyes were wet and I silently moved their love in my heart... Suddenly my roommate laughed wildly, and I asked in surprise what was wrong? She said that Liang Zhu was a fool, saying that the life of a butterfly is only about 7 days, why should she become a butterfly poor? If you change the two kings eight, such an ending is the most perfect. Nima, thankfully the screenwriter is not you.

8, sleep at night always like to pedal the quilt, last night at two o'clock in the middle of the night, I woke up in my sleep, shocked to find that my girlfriend's eyes are strange, a hand is reaching out to my mouth... "What are you going to do?" I roared in surprise. My girlfriend looked at me with tears in her eyes, "People wake up in the middle of the night, touch your whole body cold, I want to see if you are still angry." "Special, scared the old man, I thought you were going to cover me!"

9, at night, I watched TV with my mother, I didn't see my little nephew for half a day, and I thought he and my dad went downstairs to hang out! Unexpectedly, this bear child suddenly ran out of my father's room and shouted: Success has been successful! I was surprised and asked, what made it work? The little nephew took my hand and went to my father's bedroom, and I opened the door to see the ghost drawing on the wall by my little nephew with watercolor strokes! Little nephew: I tore up the eight horse figures that my grandfather treasured, I was afraid that my grandfather would beat me, and when he went downstairs to play, I quickly drew an identical eight horse diagrams for my grandfather, he would definitely not be angry, right?

10, because 30 years old has not yet married, the mother to introduce a partner. After arriving, the more I looked at it, the more I felt that the blind date was familiar, and I chatted with him for a while, only to find that it was a high school classmate. I was surprised and said, "You were short and ugly when you were studying, and now you have become so handsome!" He said, "Yeah, it's changed a lot, but I remember you used to be a man." ”

1 called a ride online, the driver was an uncle, and there was a woman sitting on the co-pilot. The driver took a puff of his cigarette and said slowly: "My daughter sent a circle of friends today to say that she is in love." The woman was a little surprised: "Ah! How come I didn't see it? The driver said, "I have to talk to her when I come back in the evening." "Talk! Must talk! The woman said angrily: "Why does the circle of friends block me and not block you!" ”

12. When I first worked, the company arranged for me to temper in the cleaning team in the service area for a period of one week. This work was not easy to come by, I worked very hard, actively performed, and kept the bathroom clean every day, without a trace of odor, and the washstand did not have a little water. The aunts of the cleaning team praised each other: this young man is good, can bear hardships, is very capable... In view of my excellent performance, the cleaning team leader actually applied for me to stay for another week on the grounds of insufficient manpower...

13, the girlfriend went to the boyfriend's house to eat, the boyfriend's mother fried several dishes, but also made turtle soup, the girlfriend tasted the turtle soup: "Well, it's really delicious, this Wang Ba stew soup is really good." The atmosphere was suddenly a little abnormal, when the boyfriend's 6-year-old brother said: "Brother, she scolded our mother!" Girlfriend: ——— what would you say if you were this man? Seek God's Reply———

14, some time ago I just talked about a relationship, I called the girl, it was her family to answer: "Hey, which one to find?" I said sweetly: Auntie, is Kiki here? In a very depressed voice on the other end of the phone, he said, "She's here, but I'm her brother, not her mother." "It's so embarrassing, I think this boy will hate me for the rest of his life."