1, I have always had a crush on the female boss, I heard that she was dumped and immediately set a marriage date with her! Before marriage, I went to the furniture city to buy a bed. The female boss suggested: "Buy a narrow bed, but want."

1, I have always had a crush on the female boss, I heard that she was dumped and immediately set a marriage date with her! Before marriage, I went to the furniture city to buy a bed. The female boss advised: "Buy a narrow bed, but it should be very long!" I asked, "Why?" Female boss: "Bedside quarrels at the end of the bed, if we quarrel at the head of the bed, the bed is narrow and I can kick you to the ground with one foot, the end of the bed is a peace zone, the bed is longer, you can curl up on your legs and sleep under my feet!" ”

2, my cousin said to my uncle happily: The lottery you bought two days ago won 5 million! The uncle was stunned, and then said with a look of disbelief: You are lying to me again! Cousin: Really, don't lie to you! My uncle asked: What about money? Cousin: I redeemed the lottery for you, and the money was spent for you! I bought a house for my girlfriend's house!

3, supermarkets every day between 4 pm and 4:30 pm, vegetables engaged in special prices. Yesterday weekend, a grandmother and a middle-aged aunt were in the vegetable special price area, and at the same time grabbed the last handful of green vegetables, not giving in to each other! In the end, I said yes, helped Grandma grab the greens, and then I left! After going to work on Monday, Grandma actually came to the company, I saw and quickly ran over and said: Grandma, just a handful of greens, you don't use the company to thank me! When Grandma saw me say this, she looked confused and said, "I came to find my son!" After saying that, go to the boss's office!

4. The chairman's wife was sick and hospitalized, so she took her mother-in-law into the city to take care of a parrot of 100,000 yuan. But only two days later, the parrot was lost, and the chairman's wife angrily scolded her mother-in-law: "The old man is not dead!" You better go back to the country and raise stupid pigs! A few days later, a masked old lady retrieved the parrot and came to receive a 50,000 yuan parrot reward. The old lady just walked not far away, she coughed violently, and the chairman was shocked and said, "Mom, how are you?" The old lady said, "I am not your mother, your mother is a bird, if I can't find that bird and don't come to get this reward, are you willing to give me pension money?" ”

5, hungry wolves foraging, heard a family member training children: "If you cry again, you will be thrown out to feed the wolves!" "But the child cried all night... The next morning, the wolf sighed, "Oh... Human speech doesn't count! The editor came from a happy moment of nostalgia for the past: in front of the Chinese team, the Thai team wearing the yellow jersey also had the style of the Brazilian team in a trance.

6, the plane unfortunately crashed, the boss, the female secretary and a passenger all grabbed a tree on the cliff. But the tree could only bear the weight of two people. The boss hurriedly said: "Such a big company can't do without me!" The passenger immediately asked the female secretary: "Is your boss okay?" The female secretary quickly replied, "Good! The passenger said, "Then don't you hurry up and applaud?" ”

7, just my drunken girlfriend suddenly ran to my house, fell asleep, and my boyfriend and I were momentarily confused. I slept in the middle and played with my phone until dawn. My boyfriend asked me: Not sleepy? I said: Don't dare to sleep! He instantly...

8, I remember my wedding day, my husband came to greet me, just when my husband carried me out of the house, I saw my mother crying, my tears could not stop flowing, went back to hug my mother and said: Mom, I also can't bear you! My mother touched my head and choked up and said, "My stupid child, I have finally married you off."

9, coach: "See the old man in front of you?" Trainee: "Look... See. Coach: "Step on the throttle, drive over and kill him!" Student: "Huh?" Coach, I...... I don't dare! The coach was angry: "Don't you dare? Don't you dare yet? You don't dare not hurry to step on the brakes! ”

10, today's family arranged a blind date, I spent a lot of money to rent a Porsche 911, the result was a Ferrari rear-end, the owner is a fat man who is one meter and five meters tall. Me: Lose money, don't think about anything else! The next day to repair the car, I took my mother to go, the Ferrari owner is very smart, said: Oh, and bring your sister to the momentum ah! The old mother was very happy to hear this and chatted with him. Now that my wedding date with him has been set, my mother has sold me for a dowry of 5 million yuan and a house in Lujiazui, Shanghai!

11. Today I bought a cat for my son, and my son asked my daughter-in-law: "Ma Ma, do you see it as a male cat or a female cat?" The daughter-in-law twisted me hard and said to her son, "I don't know! Ask your dad! My son looked at me and suddenly said, "Don't ask, it's a male cat!" The daughter-in-law asked, "How do you know?" The son said, "I just pinched it, and it didn't squeak!"

12, bad news, I want to talk about ukulele at my friend's wedding, I said I will not ah you are sick!!!!!!! My friend said please, we don't want the emcee to speak. Me: Then I really wouldn't!!!! My friend said that there is still half a year for you to practice. Okay, I decided to learn a song about mouse love rice.

13, the husband loves to drink beer, the stomach is now getting bigger and bigger! I really couldn't look at it, took a picture of him with my mobile phone and said: See for yourself, your belly is like a twenties, forty or fifty years old is more than it! Then the husband of the second goods grabbed the mobile phone and took a picture of me, saying: You are fierce, look, which is like the twenties, at most it is seven or eight years old...

14, wife: husband, I want to eat barbecue, it is cold and I don't want to go out. Husband got up: You mean to tell me to go out and buy it? Wife: On such a cold day, I feel sorry for you! The husband sat down again: then don't go! The wife slapped her. Husband: What does this mean? Wife: I hurt you, you don't hurt me? Today is Women's Day, shouldn't you say it?

15, the wife bought a dress, the original price of five hundred, she took eighty pieces of it, came back quite a lot. The eldest brother-in-law asked, "The counteroffer is so cruel, are others angry?" "No! Just some reluctance! "Oops! You can also cut twenty! The eldest brother-in-law looked sorry and said, "The bargain must be cut until someone else wants to beat you before it can be cut in place!" ”