1. Take a bath with my girlfriend, she has to let me take off first, I take off my shirt, she also let me take off my pants, I said are you sick? She didn't speak, and when I had finished taking off my pants, she took off her clothes and went into a shower.

1. Take a bath with my girlfriend, she has to let me take off first, I take off my shirt, she also let me take off my pants, I said are you sick? She didn't speak, and when I had finished taking off my pants, she took off her clothes and went into the shower, washing and washing her and saying: You don't take off your pants, I thought you were a man...

2. Go back to your hometown with your boyfriend, at the mouth of the village, the boyfriend is urinating urgently, it is convenient to go to the grove, I am waiting on the side of the road, there is a grandfather coming, the uncle asked me: "Girl, who are you looking for in our village?" Me: "Uncle, I'll go to Li Xiaodong's house!" Just then, my boyfriend came out and I said to him, "Did this uncle say anything about your village?" Boyfriend: "This grandson who does not know, my neighbor" I tugged on the boyfriend's clothes to make him speak more politely, and the uncle next to him saw the boyfriend and greeted him happily: "Second grandfather, you are back?" I, depend, the rural generations are really chaotic...

3. It is true that animals are friends of man. I think that the first time the family had a pet, the mother still tried to prevent it, and in less than a week, the mother was conquered by the dog. Some time ago, the puppy was lost, and my mother has been unhappy and grumpy. In order to understand my mother's worries, I bought another one, hoping to replace the original one. The mother gave the dog a common name, called "bun", saying that it was a common name, easy to raise. One day, when the bun was slipping out of the house when we were not paying attention, my mother was anxious and told me to go out quickly and look for it in the community. With the lessons of the past, I also panicked and hurried to look around: "Buns! bun! Suddenly, the window of a building opened: "Selling buns, do you have meat buns, I want 10!" "I...

4. The rich man's son is playing on the computer in the study and accidentally sees a photo of the rich man and his first love. When the rich man found out, he yelled: What are you looking at! The computer was forcibly turned off and his son deducted from living expenses for half a month. Then the son shouted very calmly: "Mom, Dad has something to find you." After the wife came, the rich man said: "The child's living expenses are gone this month, how do you be a mother, quickly give the child more ~"

5. College students have liked a sister for a long time. One day, I drank some liquor during the dinner, confessed to the girl with the strength of the wine, and walked towards the girl... The next day I woke up drunk, and the guy pestered me to tell me about my sister's reaction. I gave him a blank stare: You took the hand of the lady owner of the hotel last night and confessed for half a day, fortunately we helped you stop the boss, otherwise you would have been lying in the hospital!

6. Today is my mother-in-law's sixtieth birthday, go to her house to celebrate. The mother-in-law put on a dress, which was quite in line with her temperament, and the wife asked: Where to buy it, it is really ugly! The mother-in-law was not happy and said: Where is it ugly? This dress was bought for 36 yuan! I said more, said: only 36 yuan ah, throw it away, I will buy you a 136 yuan! The mother-in-law was even more unhappy, and angrily said to me: This is 30 years ago when I was not married, your husband used his month's salary to buy it for me!

7. When taking the subway today, a girl gulped down pancake fruit on the subway. The girl raised her arm to take something, just lifted the pancake fruit in front of my face, there was only one bite left, I suddenly took a bite of the brain, the girl was suddenly confused, looked at me, felt like she was about to cry for a moment, and then I continued to brain pump and say: The pepper is less.

8. The old man bought 60 million seeds for Dale and went to Tang Pin Yichen to buy a new house. At the door of the sales office, a big aunt came over and patted the old man's shoulder and said: Handsome man, you don't know me? The old man looked confused: Who are you? The aunt approached the old man and said: I am a classmate of your Tsinghua University, your memory is really poor! Old man: If you want to talk to each other, you don't have to go around the bend. Big Mom: No, you're really my college classmate. Old man: Don't lie to you, I didn't go to college at all! I didn't expect my aunt to turn her head and leave!

9. I think that I was also a vagabond at that time, and when I was in junior high school, I was ambiguous with our class flower goddess. Now in my forties, I am still a single dog, and my family is worried about dying me, so I am crazy to arrange for me to move forward. One day, the family called and said that they had arranged a blind date, and I ran to see that the girl was actually my junior high school crush goddess! My head was hot with excitement, and I asked, "Are you okay?" She bowed her head and said, "You want to kiss my daughter?"

10. The ex-girlfriend abandoned me to open Wuling Glory and eloped with an uncle who drove a Camry. I had a shadow in my heart, and I never wanted to believe in love again. Every time I see someone showing affection in public, I'm particularly annoyed. Every time I see a couple break up I like to walk among them and they can only separate. One time on a walk in the park, I saw a couple walking hand in hand, and I wanted to walk between them and separate them. Who knows, they actually circled me in the middle and turned happily...

11. Drinking with girlfriends was abandoned, saying that I did not maintain myself for more than 30,000 a month to become a yellow-faced woman! So, I moved in with my parents! save money! When I got up in the morning, I accompanied my mother to the nearby vegetable market to buy vegetables. When buying pork, the stall owner asked my mother: Who is this around you, I haven't seen it. My mom took my hand and smiled sweetly and said, "This is my sister!" I was shocked, the pork seller actually continued: Oh, I said it looks so much, it doesn't look very old, it's five or six years older than you, right?

12. A local tycoon finished eating the buffet, was about to get up and go, was stopped by the waiter, had to let the local tycoon make up the difference.

The local tycoon was very angry: "I don't have leftovers, why should I make up the difference?" ”

The waiter said: "Yes sir, you are not wasteful, but!" We 25 yuan buffet hot pot, you did not eat anything, came to drink our two boxes of drinks, a box of yogurt, are you going to make up the difference? ”

#Funny##搞笑段子 #