1, there is a young woman in our unit, just divorced, called me to accompany her to drink, she wants to borrow wine to dispel her sorrows, a drunken party to rest. I said come to my house, I'll make a few dishes, buy a few bottles of wine, and make you well

1, there is a young woman in our unit, just divorced, called me to accompany her to drink, she wants to borrow wine to dispel her sorrows, a drunken party to rest. I said come to my house, I'll cook a few dishes, buy a few bottles of wine, and get you a good get drunk. I was drinking, her ex-husband came, to take her away, I said, tonight I accompanied your ex-wife to drink and eat vegetables, spent a hundred and twenty dollars, please pay it, right? He snorted, gave me two hundred dollars, and then flew away. Looking at the two hundred yuan that arrived, I smiled, it was really beautiful.?

2, a brother wife is pregnant, today and I said: pregnant women are really pretentious, today and I said to eat grapes, bought back to eat one, and then said to eat lychees. Alas, every day is like walking a dog! I said, "That's a lot better than when my daughter-in-law was pregnant!" Dude asked: What about the land? Me: You can't even imagine that when my wife was pregnant, she told me that she was going to eat a box lunch for 10 yuan on the train.

3, in the morning, because I squeezed the toothpaste from the middle, my wife chattered about me, I was not happy in my heart, so I replied to her two sentences. When she came back from work in the evening, she still had a straight face, and I carefully asked, "Wife, are you still angry?" She replied, "I dare to resist my mouth, I can't swallow this breath!" I hurriedly took out the steaming sauce pig's trotters that I bought on the way to work: "Wife, just this, see if you can swallow that breath?" ”

4. When the brother-in-law went to school with the female table, he raised the bar with him every day. Every time the two of them fought red in the face, the two of them quarreled again when they were about to graduate, and finally the two cursed each other: they were single for a lifetime! After many years, the brother-in-law and the girl met each other! The whole process is extremely awkward, like sitting on a needle felt... Later, because of the dinner and checkout, the two actually fought... Now I feel that there is a reason why my brother and sister beat my brother-in-law to death every time!

5, after fifteen years of smoking, I now have a very big addiction to smoking, and now I have at least five packs of soft Chinese every day. After work yesterday, my brother once went home with his girlfriend to meet his parents. I pretended to be a good young man who did not smoke or drink, but the future husband was smoking and drinking wine on the side, which was particularly dashing. In the end, I really couldn't help it, so I said to him: Uncle, you smoke and drink so handsome, can you teach me? The future husband was suddenly happy, threw a cigarette over and said: I couldn't help it back then, and I said the same thing as my husband.

6, today is Saturday do not have to go to work, idle at home bored, so I want to go out for a walk and relax. I was walking and suddenly saw a girl I was pursuing. I thought about surprise her, and then I called her. Me: Hey, what's the matter? Let's go out for a meal. The sister suddenly whispered: I am at home, my mother will not let me go out. Well, I gave up. Maybe I don't deserve it.

7. After the breakup, I have not been willing to delete the contact information of my ex-girlfriend. Today she suddenly sent me a message, I was happy and broken, and quickly opened it to see. She said, "Delete my number from your address book, and we'll never contact each other again." Tears fell from my eyes and I replied to her, "Which one are you?" "Then I deleted the backwards number!"

8, on the weekend, in the morning with my wife to go to the supermarket to buy vegetables, the gas is relatively early, we actually sat on a brother a bus, just full. After a while, I stopped at a platform and came up to a pregnant woman with a big belly. She walked up to me and smiled and said, "Big brother, I'm pregnant!" I listened for a moment, my head buzzed, and my heart said that I was so honest that I didn't remember that I had a small one! This is clearly to blackmail people's rhythm, I can't imagine that my famous name in my life will encounter such a thing! How do I explain it to my wife? I was thinking about it, when the wife next to me suddenly put her elbow on me and said: Tell you to give way.

9. One night, when I was eating noodles in the noodle restaurant, the power went out. Blinded by the black light, a couple was heard talking, and the boy said, "Are you afraid?" The girl said, "Yes! So, the boy said very manly: "Don't be afraid, there I am." The girl hugged her bowl and said, "It's because you're afraid of me, you steal the noodles from my bowl when I can't see it." Then in the darkness, there was a burst of laughter all around.

10. My girlfriend teaches in a key high school and is the class teacher of the first class of the third year of high school. After class, the girlfriend overheard a conversation between two students in the hallway. A student asked: Our school flower looks so beautiful, she pursues you, why don't you agree? Another student replied: Alas, even if she is beautiful, she is not as beautiful as the math teacher, go, I have to brush up all night. As soon as these words came out, the girlfriend was shocked at that time and felt that her realm was too low.

11. When I went to the unit to see that the president was beating his son, I quickly went to persuade him and asked: What bad thing did you do? The boy said: I sawed a tree branch to make a slingshot, and my father beat me. Me: You hit the glass with a slingshot. Boy: It's not done yet. I said to the president: Why did the child not do much bad things and fight so hard? The president trembled, gritted his teeth and said: He saw more than a million dragon horns that I bought from Ya Baigen...

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #