Romain Rolland once said: "In marriage, everyone has to pay a price, but also to take back something, this is the law of supply and demand." ”
Marriage binds two people together, so that two people can resist the hardships of life together and give each other love and family warmth.
Unfortunately, many people's ups and downs in life are brought by the pillow people in marriage.
Mr. Zhao and Ms. Wang have been married for 13 years and have a pair of children. But during these 13 years, the two people's economies were independent, and the AA system proposal was requested by Mr. Zhao during the month when his wife was pregnant with her first child.
The reason is that the wife does not understand frugality and does not understand financial management. According to Ms. Wang, the other party's financial management is to let yourself wear shoes for only a few dollars like your mother-in-law, and if you spend dozens of dollars to buy shoes, you will be called waste by the mother and son.
Ms. Wang is far married, isolated and helpless, and in the middle of the month, she can only reluctantly agree. She thought that in two or three years, the two people would have trust and bondage with each other, and the economic situation would naturally be transparent to each other, but what she did not expect was that this AA system has lasted for thirteen years, until today.
Marrying away from home is crowded out, and the in-laws make the wife feel cold
Ms. Wang's father broke his leg when he was at the construction site, and Ms. Wang hurriedly took a leave of absence to return to his hometown, and Mr. Zhao complained that his wife did not greet him in advance and severely reprimanded her.
When Ms. Wang returned from taking care of the family's affairs, the time was just for dinner, but Mr. Zhao hid far away from Ms. Wang, without a trace of thought.
When resting at night, Mr. Zhao also chose to sleep on the floor. Ms. Wang took the initiative to communicate, and if there was anything between the husband and wife, you could say it directly, and asked the other party if he hated taking care of his mother's family.
Seeing that Mr. Zhao had no reaction with his back to himself, Ms. Wang shook Mr. Zhao's shoulder with her hands, and what she did not expect was that Mr. Zhao turned over and hit Ms. Wang.
Ms. Wang said that every two or three months when there was a conflict between them, Mr. Zhao would act violently against her.
Ms. Wang also confided in her experience of being ostracized by her in-laws. Once, she and Mr. Zhao were working in other places, and they could not rush back to their hometown for the New Year, and the two of them did not prepare Chinese New Year's Eve meal, so they wanted to eat simply.
As a result, a phone call from Mr. Zhao's brother called Mr. Zhao away to go to the reunion dinner. Leave yourself alone, eating instant noodles in the rental house for the New Year.
Mr. Zhao said that he also said that she would not let Ms. Wang go with her. Ms. Wang said that she did not know which point Mr. Zhao's brother could not look at himself, and he had not paid much attention to himself in contact, so she was unwilling to look at other people's faces during the New Year.
Ms. Wang said that this is not the most important, what is important is Mr. Zhao's attitude. And Ms. Wang said that in a quarrel, Mr. Zhao also revealed that his mother-in-law once said that he looked down on his mother-in-law.
And every time when he was in his mother-in-law's house, Mr. Zhao would run to his mother-in-law's room and mutter. As soon as she entered the door, the two of them began to diverge from the topic, which made her feel very uncomfortable.
The wife is pregnant and needs to go to work and bear half of the rent and living expenses
Ms. Wang's first child is a son, and the second child is accidentally pregnant as a daughter. According to the mother-in-law's meaning, it is enough to have a grandchild, and let Ms. Wang beat the second child girl.
Ms. Wang did not agree, one is that she feels that she is lonely and far away, and the other is that since her daughter came to find her, she wants to stay.
Since Ms. Wang did not listen to her mother-in-law's arrangement, Mr. Zhao did not show concern and care for his pregnant wife. The AA system between the two people is still the same, and the wife bears half of the rent and living expenses.
Ms. Wang said that she was still working when she was pregnant, and most of the wages she earned were paid for rent and living expenses, and the rest was left for her to buy some food and supplement nutrition.
What chilled her was her husband's indifference during her pregnancy. When pregnant, she had to prepare something for her child, and she did not have much money on her own, but her husband still took care of himself and only arranged his own life.
Moreover, every time Mr. Zhao withdrew money, he would let Ms. Wang pull away and cover the password with his hand. And Mr. Zhao also took his mother and sister to withdraw money, but they all generously let his mother and sister stand by his side.
Here Ms. Wang revealed an important piece of information, she and Mr. Zhao are unmarried and pregnant, that is, The first son of Fengzi married and gave birth to the first child.
Therefore, the signal she can receive for What Mr. Zhao has done is that the other party's choice of herself is a helpless choice to retreat to the second place.
Although Mr. Zhao denied Ms. Wang's idea of "retreating to the second place", Ms. Wang still said many times that she could not feel the love of the other party in her 13-year marriage, in Mr. Zhao's words and deeds.
The father-in-law was in a car accident and used the money urgently, and the daughter-in-law refused to give a penny
The life of the AA system continues, which also leads to the marriage life of Mr. Zhao and Ms. Wang being full of "calculation" and "vigilance".
Ms. Wang said that every time two people go out to dinner or buy a dress, their hearts are very tired, and the two people do not want to give to each other.
Mr. Zhao also told his own experience, in 13 years, his father had a car accident and amputated his leg. You need to pay 70,000 yuan in advance for medical expenses. Mr. Zhao's father himself has 10,000 yuan, Mr. Zhao's sister has 30,000 yuan, and Mr. Zhao also needs 30,000 yuan.
At this time, Mr. Zhao had asked Ms. Wang for help, hoping that his wife could support some of them, but Ms. Wang said very resolutely: "There is no penny."
Ms. Wang's explanation was: she asked Mr. Zhao at that time, how much money did he have in his hand? How much do I need to help advance myself? But Mr. Zhao has not answered positively.
Moreover, Ms. Wang did not know the actual economic situation of Mr. Zhao, but after all these years, she firmly believed that Mr. Zhao had the financial ability to come up with 30,000 yuan.
And Mr. Zhao's family is three brothers and sisters, this sixty thousand yuan, Ms. Wang believes that it should be the three brothers equally shared.
Ms. Wang said that the long-term AA system of economic management made her psychologically unable to achieve the timely assistance that Mr. Zhao needed.
Love is to be with heartache
The accumulated depression mentality over the years makes Ms. Wang's mood fluctuate greatly, and many times she will cry loudly.
In the face of such a situation, the husband, Mr. Zhao, is usually indifferent, in the words of Ms. Wang, which is described as "expressionless".
But where the feelings between husband and wife are embodied, it is the details of getting along with each other.
When the wife wept bitterly, the husband was indifferent to each other, especially Ms. Wang was still far married and had no relatives, and at this time the husband was the person who should be closest to her, the only person who could give her a strong reliance. But at this time, this person gave her only a cold back.
When we face someone who doesn't know how to hurt you, we have to make ourselves strong. "Crying" is not the right response, and for people who don't love you, your "crying" is meaningless.
Men should learn to deal with the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and optimize the relationship between the two sides
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is an age-old problem, but it is not an insoluble problem.
The key to their balance is whether men in marriage as sons and husbands are responsible, responsible, and mature enough.
Of course, as a man, on the one hand, you are the mother who gives birth to yourself, and on the other hand, you are the wife who bears children for yourself, and they are all equally important women in your life. Sometimes it is really difficult, but at the same time to make the wife satisfied and the mother comfortable.
But men with high emotional intelligence know how to be the lubricant between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, first of all, do not do the microphone between the two sides, and raise two ends of the secret when necessary. Second, we must know how to do shunshui people and know how to tell white lies.
And like Mr. Zhao, in order to gain the upper hand in the quarrel, he gambled and told his wife what his mother said to him, "I despise my wife's mother's family" and told his wife, which can only make things worse and worse and expand the contradictions.
Mr. Zhao's wife is far away from marriage, even if as a husband can not shield her from the wind and rain, block the gun and arrow, at least in the small circle of the family to protect her thoroughly, do not let her be isolated.
Lowering one's own requirements is not the way to achieve a happy marriage
In this exchange, Ms. Wang put forward two demands, one is to eliminate domestic violence, and the other is to make the economic situation of both parties transparent in future marriages.
What is marriage? It's not just about living together. Taking a step back, even if you live a life together, Ms. Wang's expectations in marriage are too low.
Many times we ask for nine points and we get seven points, and if we really ask for seven points, we may only get three points.
There is no violence in the family, and the economic transparency of both parties is the most basic requirement for a stable family, which has become Ms. Wang's unattainable expectation in marriage.
It was she who used her 13 years of youth to have children twice, in exchange for a dream that she did not know whether it was possible to realize in the future.
"You can live better, you deserve better", this is the confidence that every woman should give herself.
The "low demand" on marriage, using concessions or grievances to achieve balance in marriage, is not the right way to achieve a happy marriage.
-END-
The world is so big, thank you, you can see me!
[Wen | Wei Wei'an: the pen has temperature, for the voice of emotion, an atypical writer who loves words, invites you to perceive life together]