The preferred article of the Jane Book is recommended for article 609
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Mr. Qian Zhongshu once compared marriage to a siege of the city, the people in the city want to go out, and the people outside the city yearn for the city infinitely.
The "people who came over" around me advised the younger generations countless times:
"Everyone has flaws, no matter who they marry."
But is that really the case?
I once brushed up on Zhihu to such a hot discussion:
One of the high praises replied:
"A good marriage is the icing on the cake, a bad marriage is worse, don't believe that 'whoever marries is the same.'"
Couldn't have agreed more.
1
To choose a person is to choose a life
A reader shared with me such a story, in order to facilitate the narrative, the protagonist below directly replaced it with "I".
I met him on a blind date.
When I first saw him, I thought that he did not smoke or drink, was honest and generous, was a person who could get married, and with the urging of the parents of both sides, he quickly set up a marriage.
But it didn't take long for me to find him very macho. It is not the desire to control, but the love of everything to breathe.
As soon as there is a contradiction, it is cold and violent, whether the fault is in him or not, the Cold War started in a week, and every time it forced me to bow my head first.
At that time, I was hindered by the marriage contract, and I felt that as long as I communicated more and ran more into everything, I would be fine.
Until the third day of the wedding, we played cards at his friend's house, he sat far away to brush the video, I wanted to ask him to sit next to me to accompany me, first, I was not skilled in cards, and second, he was his friend, and he was not embarrassed.
As a result, the more I called him, the more unhappy he became, and then he yelled at me directly:
"What's there to call, are you losing money and want to blame me, you are really like the kind of rural woman who is anxious when she loses money!"
I tried to explain that it wasn't, but he still kept swearing until I was scolded and cried, and didn't stop. Everyone comforted me, and he blamed me for why I had so many tears.
At that moment, I suddenly felt a complete chill in my heart. I suddenly found that it turned out that it had never been a problem of running-in between us, but that it was more important to fight in his heart than to share feelings, and my feelings were always in second place...
After listening, I was very sad for her.
But many times it is like this, obviously a very small thing, we do not understand why the other party always likes to raise the bar with themselves, sometimes chatting, do not want to continue to talk.
After a while I can only say to myself:
"I know that I will be uncomfortable saying that, or choose to say that, even if there is a fight, as long as he bites to death and does not admit that he is deliberate, then what can I do?" To put it bluntly, he still cares more about himself. ”
In the feelings, this somewhat awkward logic should exist on a large scale, and it is precisely because of this that "understanding" is more and more precious.
And the people who understand you are the first people who love you.
Because I love you, I will do my best to read you, know how to communicate with you, put you above emotions, and know how to love you is a better way. And all the face that refuses to bow down is only because you are not so important in his heart, nothing more.
There may not be so many natural fits in this world, but nourishing each other, growing up with each other, and a two-way understanding of the relationship can really cure most of the misfortunes in life.
2
Good marriages make people gorgeous, and bad marriages make people rotten
Some people may ask whether this reader is so humble in his feelings because he is not good enough.
Not really.
She is a serious undergraduate, good looking, and earns more than her husband. When she first went on a blind date, she also hesitated, but everyone advised her:
"It is better to get married or find a down-to-earth person, no matter who you marry, instead of finding a good condition every day, it is better to find a person who knows the roots and is 'controlled'"
This is precisely the beginning of the tragedy.
When it comes to getting married, we always have too many concerns:
When you get older, you will almost get married; find someone whose conditions are slightly worse than your own, and your feelings will always be stable; no matter who you are, marriage is chai rice oil and salt...
But we have overlooked that when you reach old age, you do not have the right to pursue love, you should compromise with life and live the life that others should live in the eyes of others;
Whether a person is good or not to you, and whether you are better than himself is not necessarily related, if the other party really loves you, even if you are unreasonable, you will feel that you are cute, if the other party does not love you, even if you are joking, the other party also thinks that you are fooling around;
In life, there are too many people who have suffered sins in marriage and the wrong paths they have taken, which is enough to prove that marriage is enough, such as people drinking water, cold and warm self-knowledge.
Just as Zhang Ailing said, all girls who are in love age are always divided into two factions: one faction says that loving each other more is happy; the other faction says that the other party loves me a little more is happy.
Perhaps, we are all wrong, the form and weight of love is never set in our hearts, but what kind of man you meet, you talk about what kind of love.
Therefore, compared with money and appearance, it is too important to find a person who knows cold and warm and understands moodiness.
It determines the happiness and happiness of the second half of life, and it also determines what kind of person you will become, after all, two people who are together every day will subtly become each other's appearance.
Although it is better to tear down a temple than to tear down a marriage, if you really can't get the harmony and happiness that marriage should have, it is better to give this wrong marriage a break like this reader, so as to make room for the right person.
Although we don't have the luxury of how much marriage can bring us, the most basic point is that the person you choose is not to add to the chaos in your life.
3
It's really not the same with who you're married to
Lin Xi has a passage:
"A lot of people marry just to find someone to watch a movie with, not someone who can share what they've learned from watching a movie. If I don't want to get married just to find a partner, I can watch movies alone. ＂
Yeah, marriage is easy to get, just make it up. But high-quality marriages are not easy to have, and in the long run, two people are evenly matched.
So if you want a happy marriage, first of all, the three views are consistent, as the saying goes, it is not a family that does not enter a door, you have to find your own kind of items, and you will not be tired when you build it;
Secondly, marriage needs to be managed, tolerance and understanding is the lubricant, to know how to cherish, understand the world's thousands, and meet him (her) again. If you can't love from the heart, then don't delay yourself and don't harm others;
Finally, we must write "timely stop loss" into the creed of life, if you try your best or can not continue, then you must also withdraw in time, even if no one loves you, we can not forget to love ourselves.
Finally, remember that it is really not the same as who you marry, a good man, plus a good woman, is a good marriage.
Figure | From the network
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