The preferred article of the Jane Book is recommended for the 620th article
The author of the jane book is | Oops
Do you know the real reason you broke up?
There are a couple of friends around, obviously both sides are deeply in love with each other, but it is to the point of breaking up.
The boy said:
"I love her so much that I give her the best. Work is already very tired, I still take time to spend time with her, why should she break up? ”
The girl said:
"He gives everything he likes, even if I make it clear that I don't want it. The dinner I carefully prepared for him, he would hate it and blame me for wasting ingredients. When I cry, I only complain about how I have so many tears. ”
Can't help but sigh, it turns out that there are really people who are good to you at the same time, turn a blind eye to your grievances.
And you never know that when you are touched by your own efforts, the other party is silently swallowing grievances; when you think everything is as usual, the other party has already saved enough to leave.
Those grievances, just like debts, no matter how good the debtor is to the creditor, cannot be used to settle the account, that is to say, the good and bad in love cannot cancel each other out.
Therefore, the gradual drifting between people is not sudden, everything has a cause.
1
Not public
Have you ever talked about underground love?
Fangfang, a good friend, once had a boyfriend of seven years.
It is said that she is the level of an old husband and wife, but she has always been unknown in the circle of her boyfriend, and even everyone does not know that her boyfriend has such a girlfriend.
She originally minded, but because she really loved the other party and saw that the other party seemed to have the intention of marrying her, she waited.
Until the man suddenly proposed to break up.
Because the man's parents mind the zodiac issue, the man did not fight for it and directly decided to give up.
Fang Fang couldn't figure it out, seven years of feelings, isn't it worth fighting for?
But in fact, although the girl's sixth sense is very smart, but really trapped in the IQ is basically zero. Long ago, the other party chose to "not disclose", which already foreshadowed the end of the relationship.
After all, except for some office romances, which are not allowed to be made public, if you really love TA, how can you hold back and not say it? If you hold back, it can only mean that you can't get your hands on it, or you have a spare tire.
Some people may say that if you meet your parents and let your friends know, you will be able to enter marriage and work together for a lifetime?
Of course not.
But introducing you to the person closest to the other party and letting you integrate into the other person's circle is the greatest sincerity for a relationship, which can show that the other party cares about and recognizes you, which is a noble ritual.
And what we want is not a sweet word, sprinkling dog food and showing love all the time, but a down-to-earth, serious love that can be open to the world, but also a sense of peace of mind and participation.
2
Not proactive
The other day I met a young couple in a quarrel in the park:
M: "What's wrong with you?" ”
The girl turned her head and ignored it.
M: "Where are you unhappy, tell me." ”
F: "Think for yourself." ”
M: "You're always like this, forget it, I don't want to think about it anymore." And turned to leave.
The girl was stunned and could not cry.
In them, I seem to see a lot of couples: one does not ask, one does not say; one asks, one still does not say; one thinks he will not go, one thinks he will stay.
Even many people have the illusion that the more intimate the relationship, the more they should guess each other's thoughts, if they can't guess, they will fall into grievances, and the more they think, the more angry they are.
Even some people are obviously unhappy, that is, they don't say it, and they desperately try to make up for the other party's affirmation that they don't love me and don't care about me, so they don't consider my feelings.
But in fact, they have misunderstood the meaning of intimacy.
It is true that intimate people will of course know you a little better than strangers, but when walking, your left foot may be wrong, not stepping on the road, but stepping on your right foot, stumbling on you, not to mention two completely different people, it is inevitable that you will not be able to take care of all aspects of your emotions.
The so-called intimacy is not to let the other party become a roundworm in your stomach and never make mistakes, but to let us not have to face strangers, we can have the courage to say what we need, so that each other does not have to guess all the time.
Some people say that I will lose if I take the initiative, but what about the initiative? Speaking out and getting each other closer and closer is no better than breaking up.
It's not fair
Have you ever encountered a situation like this:
You made an appointment to go out shopping, so you dressed up beautifully, but when he came back from work, he said:
"I'm so tired today, I'll go another day."
So you have the emotion to blame him for not doing what he promised you.
But he also came to the grievance, saying:
"Didn't you also say before that you would forgive me for working overtime?" I leave work so late, do you want me to go out with you? ”
We always seem to be like this, in the relationship will inadvertently fall into the trap of "double standard": what we promise can be left behind. The other party promised himself, and he kept holding on.
It is said that the two sides are equal, but in fact, they have long been out of balance. If this is the case for a long time and there is no outlet, it is difficult for the relationship to last.
In fact, at this time, we may try to treat each other as friends first.
Because our resentment never comes from the thing itself, but from the identity of "boyfriend/girlfriend".
Just like a friend doesn't go out as agreed, you don't care too much, but if it's the object, then he's evil, but he doesn't actually do anything excessive.
So, love is a science. Unfortunately, many people have not yet understood it, and they have to accuse the people who study with them for being wrong. But in fact, the wrong thing is that in this process, you give up when you encounter a little problem.
If hormones in love are our upper limit, then understanding and tolerance when encountering problems is our lower limit. The upper limit can tell you how much you like each other, and the lower limit can show how much you want to live with each other and live a life.
In life, if there are so many principled big problems that defeat feelings, it is not our original intention to fight for anger. The important thing is that you are where he is at ease, he is the support for you to move forward, no matter whether you encounter wind and rain or a smooth road, you will not be separated.
This is the happiness we want to pursue in the ultimate half of our lives.
Figure | From the network
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