Everyone always jokes that no matter what the holiday is, couples can always celebrate it as "Valentine's Day".
For many small couples, these festivals, large and small, are an opportunity to create a sense of ritual and turn these days into a special part of their daily routine.
Some people will pay attention to this aspect, are sensitive to things related to ritual, and want their boy/girlfriend to pay attention, while some people do not pay much attention to, or even hate ritual, feeling that ritual makes them embarrassed and ashamed.
Therefore, little couples often quarrel because of this, and girls feel that the other party is perfunctory, has no sense of ritual, and does not value themselves at all;
The boy found it difficult to understand, feeling that the two had been together for so long, there was no need to engage in these false things.
Sometimes, we don't think how important the sense of ritual is, without the sense of ritual, life will continue, and it doesn't mean that the other party doesn't love themselves, but on some special days, we still hope that the other party can do something with a sense of ritual, and we will secretly care in our hearts, and if the other party doesn't, we will feel very disappointed.
Therefore, people often ask, is the sense of ritual really important? Without it, will love become bad?
01
A sense of ritual is used to create
Atmosphere, expressing emotion, giving meaning.
What is the sense of ritual? In The Little Prince, it is said that ritual is to make a day different from other days, to make a moment different from other moments.
A sense of ritual makes a certain moment of the day special, gives a little meaning, and makes it more "valuable".
Although the most commonly mentioned scene of ritual is always in love, in fact, there are many aspects of our daily life that require a sense of ritual.
Celebrating birthdays for peers and juniors, celebrating the birthday of the elderly, admission of relatives and friends to university, joining the army, falling in love, promotion, getting rich...
A friend came from afar to wash the dust for him, and when a friend left, he wanted to practice farewell for him...
These are not just a scene, more, we will express different emotions through such rituals.
Through such a ritual, the present moment is separated from the repeated daily life, and at this moment, feelings that are usually not expressed or dare not be expressed can also have the opportunity to be expressed.
Similarly, in love, it doesn't really matter what form the ritual is, the important thing is that you can express your deep love in this way.
Everyone wants to be a special being, and they want to be a special being in the eyes of important people.
The sense of ritual can convey such a message to the other party very well, let the other party know that in your heart the other party is a special and important existence, a light shining in the boring daily life, giving life more meaning, and making the ordinary life "valuable".
02
The sense of ritual becomes gift-giving
Neglecting "etiquette" and only valuing "things"
When the focus of the sense of ritual focuses on the object, and ignores the creation of a sense of atmosphere and the giving of meaning, the so-called sense of ritual becomes superficial, false story, perfunctory responsibility, and loses the greatest value and basic meaning of its existence.
At this point, a lot of problems arise.
For example, every year from January to Qixi Valentine's Day, many people always worry about what gifts to give to their partners, and the gifts of "men silent and female tears" in Taobao are also ridiculous.
Often the two parties will always quarrel because the gift is not compatible, either because the cheap heart is not sincere, or it is not satisfactory, it is not delivered to the heart, and then doubt whether the other party is sincere, or think that the return gift is light, and it is not cost-effective to suffer a loss...
Obsessing over the value of gifts also makes the relationship between the two parties seem to be measurable by materials, which not only reduces the sense of ritual to an excuse for asking for high-priced material gifts, but also makes the relationship between each other a relationship with only material value and no spiritual value.
The short story "Maggie's Gift" created by American writer O. Henry describes a warm and touching story.
A young couple living in poverty prepares gifts for each other on the occasion of Christmas. They are struggling to make ends meet, and their economic level is only able to sustain a basic subsistence. Despite this, the two carefully prepared gifts for each other.
The husband sold the precious gold watch and bought the wife a complete set of exquisite combs; The wife sold her proud waterfall hair and bought her husband a white gold bracelet.
In the end, the gift they gave each other lost its use value, but for each other, the gift was more sentimental.
The comb and gold bracelet are not very special things, but because of the relationship between the two, these two items have become particularly valuable.
Even if the two cannot use it, this item is the condensation of the sincere and deep love of the two, and it is also the condensation of the hearts of the two who cherish each other.
Things, just dead things, but with the sustenance of love, they become priceless treasures, storing each other's cherished memories.
In intimate relationships, the most important thing is to satisfy the need to love and be loved, and ritual is only to express this love.
Ritual can be a necessity in love, because ritual can be a way to make each other realize that "you value me."
It's not really important what you do, it's more important to make your partner feel loved, genuine, and valued.
But a sense of ritual isn't necessarily a necessity for everyone, either. The sense of ritual is to create a feeling of "being loved", but for the sake of the sense of ritual, blame each other, set up too many clauses, let the sense of ritual fall into "objectification", but let the sense of ritual become an obstacle to intimate relationships.
"Create some surprises and hopes in the ordinary, sweet and difficult to calculate, worries do not come to entanglement" - "Making Romance".
Occasionally create surprises for each other, appropriately create a sense of ritual, to maintain the temperature of the relationship, so that the freshness of love does not fade.
END
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