01
In the "Augmentation of the Sages", it is written: "Father and son soldiers on the battlefield." ”
A family, do not speak two languages, do not do centrifugal things. If you live in harmony, you will be able to thrive.
When you are a child, hungry, cold, and asking for money to study, your parents will find a way to satisfy you, and you will feel that it is good that your parents are around.
I don't know from what day you start to hate your parents more and more. They love to nag and listen to it; they have been poor all their lives and cannot help themselves; looking at the way they stagger and walk, you feel that it is a burden.
The most terrible thing is that you and your parents have turned against each other, and no one is willing to put down their posture and take the initiative to reconcile. It is recommended that you adjust your mentality and take the initiative to do the following things to change the family atmosphere.
02
Inclusion: Accepting parental imperfections.
Carnegie, the master of interpersonal relations, said, "Everyone is an apple that God has bitten, and no one is perfect." ”
As a child, you yourself are not perfect enough, how can you ask your parents to be perfect?
In the TV series "Little Shed", Tian Yulan is an imperfect woman, with a violent personality, a heavy vanity, likes to compare with others, and cannot tolerate others in her eyes.
However, by observing her upbringing, you can understand her.
Tian Yulan's mother, remarried to Nan Jianlong, and she became her mother's "drag oil bottle". In the new family, it is also a matter of course not to be valued.
Nan Jianlong can take money to study for her, and he has already done a good job.
In addition, in the new family, Tian Yulan wants to get along with the "halfway sister" Nan Li, the two people are spoiled by their parents to different degrees, the genes are not the same, and disputes are inevitable.
Tian Yulan is not a reasonable mother, the requirements for the child are very strict, hoping to be able to compare other family members through the child's grades.
If your parents, in your impression, are "very bad". Then you observe the life trajectory of your parents' life, see how your parents' original family is, what twists and turns you have experienced on the road of love.
Parents' imperfections have a cause. However, the love of your parents for you will not be less. In poor and conflicted families, the love of parents for their children is often more precious.
How many parents, in order to raise their children, make up a living together; single mothers, forced themselves to remarry, just to give their children a decent home.
Amplify the strengths of your parents and tolerate their shortcomings, and you will truly mature.
03
Reflection: Blame others, blame yourself first.
Carnegie once told the story of his niece leaving her hometown and coming to New York to be his secretary.
At the time, the niece was only 19 years old and had only a secondary school degree. There is no experience in doing things, and there are many times when mistakes are made.
One day, Carnegie couldn't resist criticizing her. Just as he was about to speak, he held back his words and told himself, don't worry, wait, they are all a lot of elders, and they are very experienced, and they don't have to expect their nieces to have the same views and judgments as him. Years ago, what 19-year-old Carnegie was able to do, and did not make mistakes.
Between two generations, the hardest part is "understanding."
Everyone is born in a different age, and the difficulties and opportunities for development are also different. Parents always look at new things with their own ideas, and infer the minds of their children. Therefore, their concepts are biased and even incompatible with the times.
My parents were born in the 1950s. All his life, he has lived a life of "facing the loess with his back to the sky".
When her mother was twenty-six years old, the village arranged for her to go to the contemporary class teacher. It is reasonable to say that being a teacher is easier than doing farm work, and the income is higher, but my mother only stayed in school for two semesters and then took the initiative to leave.
I often think that if my mother insisted on it, she would be able to become a regular teacher, get a pension, and make a home in the city.
What now? Mothers in their sixties have to pay alimony to their children every month, and although the money is not much, it brings a burden to their children.
Several times, I blamed my mother for being "so stupid."
Do not know the suffering of others, do not persuade others to be good. Now, I always blame myself, I have not experienced the life of my mother, how can I know how to make a living in those days?
Don't blame your parents, think more empathy, and you can tolerate your parents.
04
Bow your head: take the initiative to apologize, and stop the loss in time.
Apologizing is not just about admitting mistakes, but about dealing with contradictions and maintaining feelings, making bad things stop in time.
Cartoonist Zhu Deyong said: "It is never too late to quarrel, and it is always too late to apologize." ”
Last winter, I had a fight with my mother. For days, I ignored her.
The mother was so careless that she casually knocked a nail on the kitchen door and hung some dirty plastic bags to buy vegetables.
I blamed my mother for not destroying the structure of the door.
The mother argues with reason, believing that this is a sign of frugality, and such a tradition cannot be lost.
On the day of the New Year's Day, I bought a small garbage bin and went home and told my mother to put a plastic bag that was not very clean in the future.
I didn't apologize directly, but my mother ignored my meaning and a smile appeared on her face.
What is the deep hatred between parents and children? But it is just some trivial matter, which triggers a contradiction, and a "sorry" is resolved.
05
Stay away: Leave your parents' home and take more care of your own little family.
Yu Dan said: "The most appropriate distance is not to hurt each other, but also to keep warm." ”
There is a word called "whiplash is beyond reach".
When you are a child, when your parents beat you, you will definitely avoid it, so that your parents can't beat you; when you grow up, you go to a distant place to study, and your parents want to control you, but there is no way.
After starting a family, you and your parents are far away, even if they are sharp with each other, it does not matter, anyway, "can't reach".
If you have a falling out with your parents, move out of your parents' house as soon as possible. Each of them calmed down for a while, and when the limelight passed, it would be all right.
If you only have one house at home, you should also rent a house alone.
Don't think that generations in the same house is a good day. Too lively family, will make you sad.
No matter what parents do, what bad habits they have, what they nag about, as long as you are not around them, you can't see it.
06
Conclusion.
In the "Filial Piety Sutra , The Opening Of The MingYi" it is written: "The skin of the body, the parents who receive it, do not dare to destroy it, and the beginning of filial piety is also the beginning." ”
We are all a piece of flesh that fell from our mothers, inheriting the genes of our parents. Cherishing blood relations is a sign of filial piety that lasts forever.
No matter what attitude your parents have towards you, you don't have to complain, you know, their original intention - it's all for your own good.
Some love, too dense, can become hurtful, but parents don't necessarily understand.
They just treat you like a baby, put it in their hands for fear of flying, and hold it in their mouths for fear of melting. I was never treated like an "adult."
When you are fifty or sixty years old, you can still hear your parents call your breast name, which is happiness.
May you and me, home and all things happy.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.