There is a question on zhihu: "How will you rank the most important people in your life?" ”
Most people's answers are: "Parents, children, partners, themselves." ”
A high praise replied very sincerely: "I will put myself in the first place, because people first become themselves, and then they become others." ”
In this life, the person who owes the most is himself.
Pandering too much to others will eventually lose yourself.
Bi Shumin once said: "Waiting for others to love yourself, it is better to try to love yourself." ”
It is true that you laugh, and the whole world laughs with you; you cry, but only one person can bear the sorrow.
In the adult world, pleasing oneself is the highest level of self-discipline.
01 Circle layer is different, climbing is futile
In social interaction, there is a law of attraction, that is, who you are, you will meet.
There is a saying in the "I Ching": "Respond with the same voice, and seek the same breath." ”
Everyone has their own magnetic field, and people of the same frequency will attract each other.
The circle layer is different and does not have to be strongly integrated.
In the job search variety show "None of You", there is a program that impressed me.
A 24-year-old guy, graduated in computer science, but wanted to find a job as an assistant to the president.
From his introduction, I learned that he had worked in real estate sales, and he deservedly felt that he was good at communication.
And his talk on the stage also gives people a very "successful" feeling.
But he did not think that when talking about his advantages, he said that "connections" were his own resources, and frankly knew Dong Mingzhu and Yu Minhong.
The interviewer at the scene expressed doubts, and the boy immediately made a request that he could call the other party on the spot.
In order to find out the truth, the entrepreneurs on the field did not refuse this request.
However, when Dong Mingzhu's phone was dialed, no one answered him.
In order to alleviate the embarrassment, some people suggested that it was better to change people and call Yu Minhong's phone to see.
The young man said that he could, expectantly dialing Yu Minhong's phone, but only a pleasant ringtone could be heard on the other side.
The situation made him feel very embarrassed, and the interviewer on the stage also showed impatience with the guy's unsteady performance, and finally the guy could only regret leaving the scene.
Who you are, you will meet, the circle is different, do not have to climb.
There is a concept of the "circle law" in social interaction, derived from the famous "Dunbar number" theory in sociology.
The number of people who mean that human intelligence will allow humans to have a stable social circle is 148 people, rounded to about 150 people.
Everyone's circle is limited, and when someone comes in, someone must leave.
If you want to approach good people, first you have to be good.
As Tu Youyou said, "Never chase a horse, but use the time you spend chasing horses to plant grass." ”
In this life, you are more than pleasing yourself.
Not clinging to others, nor embarrassing yourself, is the soberness of the world.
02 Cognition is different, and the explanation is futile
Someone asked, "In life, how do you face the verbal ridicule of others?" ”
Netizens replied: "Don't look at incivility, don't listen to incivility." ”
Not thinking about meaningless people and things is a quality that an adult should have.
After ancient times, when playing in Keju, some spectators would always say something ugly and abusive when they encountered their favorite players playing badly.
Even if the players hear this, they will not explain it to the audience, because if they can't concentrate on the game, it will lead to failure.
Practice is like a racecourse, people who don't understand you don't need to explain, people who understand you don't need to explain.
The fool likes to be humiliated, and the wise man should practice forbearance and judgment.
As "Zeng Guangxian Wen" said: "No one behind anyone says, and no one behind anyone says." ”
There is such a story in "Zhuangzi Tiandao".
Shi Chengqi was pretentious, but he was accustomed to visiting teachers and friends, and he was bent on achieving something.
Once, when he visited Lao Tzu, he saw that the other party was not good-looking, and the residence was also in a mess.
He began to evaluate Lao Tzu without hesitation, saying that the other party was not worthy of the title of "saint", and that he had traveled thousands of miles to study, but what he saw was the destruction of the rat's nest mixed with grain and rice tickets, and claimed that he was disappointed.
When he left, he did not forget to mock Lao Tzu like a mouse, for the rich and unkind.
Lao Tzu on the side was not moved, but only expressed his attitude with silence.
Many years later, Shi Chengqi learned something, and then recalled his words and deeds to Lao Tzu, ashamed.
He went to the door to apologize, and Lao Tzu responded frankly: "What does it matter if you call me a pig, a dog, or a mouse, it doesn't affect me, nor can it change me." ”
Different levels, no need to explain.
Life is like a tall building, the people standing on the top floor are full of scenery, and the people standing on the bottom floor can see the garbage.
As the saying goes, "Always compete with your peers, not with fools." ”
Your explanation is understood only by those who want to hear it, and most people don't want to hear it, so your explanation has no meaning.
Experiences are different, and no matter how you explain them, you can't empathize;
Cognition is different, and no explanation can be broken.
Not explaining is also a kind of wisdom in life.
03 Realms are different, and argument is consumption
In The Weakness of Human Nature, Carnegie tells a story.
As manager, he attended Sir Ross's celebration banquet.
At the banquet, a man sitting next to Carnegie told him a "humorous" story.
The story stems from a famous saying: "God has already written the ending for the world, how can the world get rid of its hard struggles?" ”
The other side claimed that the famous quote came from the Bible, which was obviously wrong, and Carnegie did not intend to "ignore" this error.
In order to show his knowledge, he did not shy away from correcting the mistakes of the other party, pointing out that this sentence was said by Shakespeare.
Unexpectedly, the man insisted on his own opinion, saying that it was definitely from the Bible.
Seeing that the situation could not be alleviated, Carnegie asked for help from his old friend Garmond, who was sitting on his left.
Mr. Garmond had devoted himself to the study of Shakespeare and his writings, and it was only fitting for him to judge right and wrong.
However, Garmond listened to the argument between the two and sneaked a kick at Carnegie with his foot, saying, "Dale, you are wrong. This gentleman is right, quoted from the Bible. ”
Carnegie was puzzled by this, and then after the banquet, the friend said: "That sentence is undoubtedly from Hamlet, we are guests, there is no need to divide the winner or loser." Besides, people don't need your opinion at all. ”
People who win arguments often hurt feelings.
As Carnegie post came from the provincial road:
"There is only one way to win an argument in the world, and that is to avoid it."
On the Internet, such a photo has been circulated.
A man stands on the ground and sees a wall, a man stands on several books and sees a dark cloud, and another stands on a higher pile of books and sees a clear sky.
In different realms, the world that each person perceives will be different.
Sometimes, your upper limit may be someone else's lower limit; your end point may only be the beginning of others.
People of different realms, no need to argue.
To remain silent is also to please yourself.
04 Pleasing yourself is the top level of self-discipline
There is a concept of "flow" in psychology, that is, if you want to focus on one thing through flow, you cannot distract yourself from paying attention to too many chores.
Indeed, it is better to please others than to precipitate yourself.
Haruki Murakami once said, "No matter what everyone in the world says, I think my feelings are the right ones." No matter what others think, I will never disturb my own rhythm. ”
Life is like a music box, only by following your own beat can you play a beautiful movement.
Your circle layer determines your value;
Your cognition determines your thinking;
Your realm determines your vision.
When encountering meaningless people and things, not clinging to, not explaining, and not arguing is a kind of wisdom in life.
Click [in the watch], for the rest of your life, may you and I not worry about others, only to please ourselves, love ourselves, and live the most beautiful posture.