"Chicken baby", which is a very popular word in recent years, I believe readers have heard of it. This method of discipline has aroused heated discussion on the Internet because it emphasizes the characteristics of children working harder, learning more, and spinning non-stop for a second.
In fact, many parents are practicing this educational attitude: they feel that "other children are going to training classes, we also want to go", and "if you don't learn anymore, you can't keep up" and "Strictly responsible for your children".
Many things are originally right, but when they go to extremes, right can also become wrong.
Do you want your child to be happy, or do you want him to succeed?
Before that, there was a popular TV series called "Little Shed". The role played by Jiang Xin in it, Tian Yulan, is a portrayal of many chicken baby mothers in real life. When her son Ziyou was very young, she sent him to cram school and interest class. At the dinner table, he took Ziyou to compare with others at every turn, so as to warn his son to make serious efforts.
Little children, in the airtight curriculum, lose time to play and the fun of playing with friends. When watching the play, you will find that this eight-year-old child rarely shows a smile, always repeating the recitation of poems and practicing the piano in his eyes numbly, and he cannot see the innocence and vividness that belongs to a little child.
In the play, Ziyou's class held a parent-teacher meeting, and the teacher invited the students who performed well to speak on stage. When it was Ziyou's turn, the child said to Tian Yulan under the stage: "I don't think my mother loves me." Tian Yulan, who was eager for the chicken baby, jumped up at once, crying and scolding the child: "Where does the mother not love you!" Haven't I paid enough for you? The other mothers around her advised her to sit down and listen to the child before she would listen.
Ziyou then said: "My mother loves me who scores a hundred points, if I don't score a hundred, my mother will not love me..." When the child said this, Tian Yulan completely collapsed and rushed out of the classroom, and Ziyou also cried on the stage.
I believe that this scene is not what any mother wants to see, and the reason for this situation is Tian Yulan's wrong way of education. The "chicken" of the chicken baby means to beat the chicken blood, and if the child is full of chicken blood, he can soar to the sky?
First, let's take a look at how we use this word in our lives, such as: How Xiaoming is so excited today, like playing chicken blood. Only if a person has an abnormal and short-term situation, we will use the term "chicken blood" to describe. To make a dense learning plan for the child, on the surface, I hope that the child will be knowledgeable and versatile, and the logic behind it is nothing more than: I want to put pressure on the child to turn him into a successful person, and I am a successful and responsible parent.
So there is a concept involved, what is "success"? Parents ask themselves: Do you want your children to be happy in the future? Or do you prefer him to succeed in the future?
Maybe Ziyou has become among the best because of Tian Yulan's education, and he has won awards and won soft hands, but is the child happy himself? Did his academic performance and winning awards give him a sense of accomplishment and pride? Does he have time to make friends? Is his heart healthy? No one cares. The mother only cares about the success of the child, and the success of herself.
And when Ziyou's ability to bear reached its limit and she couldn't afford it, her mother came to cry about her hard work, how much she had paid for her children, and why her children didn't know how to be grateful. The blind and diligent Tian Yulan is just trapped in self-motivation, and has a huge ideological deviation from the real "success" and "happiness" of parenting.
Children who are raised by chickens, these problems are difficult to resolve in a lifetime
Children who have grown up in a chicken baby environment for a long time will have the same extreme personality as their mother's education method.
One is very rebellious and aggressive. For example, one of my cousins, she is a very strong person, and she is also very demanding of children. In her opinion, good grades, taking care of younger siblings, while thanking parents and respecting elders, these are all things that a daughter should do. If the child does a good job, it is a matter of duty and is not worthy of praise, but if it is not done well, it will be punished by her.
When I went to her house as a guest, her daughter didn't recognize me and went into the room without saying hello. The cousin immediately became angry, patted her daughter's door and asked, "Won't you greet the guests at home?" Such a big person still wants me to call you? As soon as these words came out, he only heard the child slamming open the door, walking out of the house without turning his head, and slamming the door shut.
My cousin reluctantly pulled me to sit down and said that the child was not like this before. When she was a child, she was reported to various cram classes and talent classes, full of piles, although the children often said tired, but obediently went; now when the daughter grows up, the situation has completely rebounded, and she has begun to skip class, skip work, and not go home, as if she has changed a person. I said, this is the backlash of extreme parenting.
There is also a situation that is extremely weak, fragile and sensitive. For example, the aforementioned Ziyou is a typical case. Because his parents have always suppressed his nature, Ziyou slowly believes that it is wrong to have negative emotions, and he cannot feel sad, cannot feel angry, and cannot be angry with people. Because these are not good, my mother will be angry when she knows it.
Therefore, when the children of the same age at the dinner table expressed disdain for Zi You's singing voice and blatantly offended him, Zi Yu did not have the courage to refute it. But he was very concerned about this matter in his heart, and often remembered it when no one was there, resulting in mental attrition. Zi You, who was big in the chicken, lost the ability to get angry.
Compared with Ziyou and my cousin's daughter, we found that they had one thing in common: low self-esteem. The cousin daughter is afraid of others denying herself and afraid of others making negative evaluations of herself, and preemptively denying and confronting others in order to avoid the outside world and cause harm to herself. Ziyou subconsciously thinks that others will hurt him and deny himself, and he behaves only as a promise, does not dare to fight, and thinks that he is not worthy of those beautiful things.
Children who grow up in high pressure, they are particularly concerned about what others think of themselves, can only find a sense of value from the evaluation of others, and cannot face their own hearts calmly.
These psychological problems, either explicit or implicit, are very detrimental to children's future work and social interactions. In short, the child's body has grown, but the heart is still the childish, fragile child.
Discipline and freedom balance are good parenting
Chicken babies can not let the child soar, this way of education is extremely wrong, in the process of growing up, we must try to give him freedom. Of course, freedom is not unlimited stocking, and moderate discipline is also important. How to discipline and how to stock is the most critical point of parenting.
Good parenting should find a balance between discipline and relaxation, consciously guide children to learn what they should learn in their current state, and at the same time do not pull out seedlings to promote growth.
So how should parents grasp this key point? The answer is case-by-case, with the World Health Organization's Collaborating Centre for Child Health noting that children of different ages need different forms of education.
Birth - two years of age
Children have just come into this world and are curious about everything around them. From birth to two years old is the development period of the baby's ability to explore, this stage should try to satisfy the child's curiosity, do not suppress his nature. Otherwise, the child's desire to explore will be greatly hit, and the child will no longer have the desire to learn and understand things, which is not conducive to future growth.
For example, a one-and-a-half-year-old baby flips a cup of water and plays with the water on the ground by himself. Lying on the ground to play with water is easy to catch a cold, but parents should not blame him, should pick up the child, you can take the baby to a special baby swimming pool to play, to meet the baby's desire to explore the water.
Two years old - going to elementary school
After the age of two, children have self-awareness and have gradually understood some things, and parents should establish a sense of rules for their children at this time. For example, when eating, you should concentrate on eating, and you can't watch TV or play with your mobile phone. At the beginning, the child may cry and make a big fuss, hoping to use crying to make the adults back down, at this time, parents should be "fierce", adhere to the rules they have set, and do not slacken because the child cries.
The persistence of parents will let children know that the world is rule-based, not how they want to be, which is the so-called rule consciousness. At this time, the rules for children should be as few as possible, but once they are established, parents must be firm and cannot easily compromise because the children are crying.
Elementary school years
After the cultivation of the preschool stage, the child already has a basic sense of rules. At this time, the child enters the primary school to study, and parents should pay attention to the child's adaptation to the school. Many children are not unwilling to abide by the rules of the school, but they are unfamiliar and confused about the rules of the school. At this time, parents should communicate with their children, talk to him more about things in school, and see what their children think about the difference between primary school and kindergarten.
Parents should guide their children to abide by the more clear rules in the school, in addition to interpersonal communication, hobbies and other aspects, parents should try to interfere as little as possible. For example, the son likes to play with the little girl in the neighborhood, and the parents should not interfere with him; the child likes to play the harmonica, and often gets together with a group of friends to study, and does not obstruct it.
adolescence
Parents at this stage should be aware of the fact that the child has grown up and can no longer look at him in the eyes of a child. At this time, the key word for parents' way of educating their children is two words: decentralization.
When a child enters adolescence, he should gradually begin to give him power and guide his child to learn to arrange his own life independently. Many things in his daily life can be left to him to make his own decisions, and let him bear the consequences of this decision.
For example, if a child's classmate invites him to live away from home with him, he wants to go, and the parents respect his choice and let him go. Then after moving into the dormitory, the school meals are not good, conflicts with roommates, homesickness, etc., are the consequences he needs to bear.
Of course, if the child really can't hold on and wants to regret it, then the parent should confirm with the child that the decision is well thought out, and then support his new decision.
Give your child freedom, but don't forget to give him love and support when he is frustrated. In fact, raising children is a gradual process of letting go.
Write at the end:
The greatest gift that parents give to their children is not how much gold and silver treasures he leaves and how much knowledge and talent he is taught, but to make his heart rich and grow into a confident, generous person who can survive independently in society.