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The most common sentence that everyone hears in life is not to be nosy, otherwise it will cause trouble, in fact, this sentence has a certain truth, if you randomly mix with other people's things, it will make the other party transfer anger to you, and then bring you greater harm.
It's just that the events of life are difficult to predict, even if some people are careful not to offend others, but he will still attract the hatred and disgust of others, just like the heroine in "Calm Leisure", the more worried about attracting the dissatisfaction of others, but let the other party dislike her more and more.
Liu Tong, a young writer in China, once said that everyone must not worry about their personality will offend others, everyone should be clear, any kind of personality can not escape the end of offending others, since you can not get everyone's approval, it is better to be dashing back to yourself, even if you offend others, you have the ability to bear all the consequences.
Don't be afraid to offend others, because you can afford to offend 90% of the people around you. People will only respect people who are more powerful than him, and your concessions and flattery cannot be exchanged for his respect, but will also gain inches, and it is human nature to bully soft and fear hard.
First, a sense of boundaries
I don't know if you have found such a phenomenon, Chinese especially care about their own face, in order to win the satisfaction of the other party, and even gave birth to many good old people.
However, from a psychological point of view, the so-called good old man is actually a flattering personality, such people are often centered on others, no matter how much others make him a request, they do not know how to refuse. People with a flattering personality want others to think highly of him, so they are afraid of offending others.
Why do people with flattering personalities appear? In simple terms, what these people fear is not retaliation or more serious consequences, but that their self-esteem is low.
If they want to identify with themselves, they can only gradually construct their self-image from the affirmation of others, so that they are accustomed to ranking other people's affairs in front of themselves, and in order to meet the expectations of others, they prefer to wronged themselves.
People with flattering personalities need to be clear that relying on the affirmation of others to maintain self-worth is a risky thing, it is like building a house on top of quicksand, it looks solid, but in fact it is vulnerable, as long as the quicksand falls, this kind of house will collapse into ruins sooner or later.
Everyone is not perfect, we can't make everyone around us like themselves, not to mention the perfect image will be said by others to be too hypocritical, no real humanity, so everyone does not have to worry about whether to get everyone's satisfaction.
Whether the people around you like you or not does not depend on what you have done, but on who you really are.
For example, if you send a group of scenic photos in the circle of friends, the most often like you must be the group of people who have a good relationship with you, and only a small part of them are like the scenery.
The more you worry about offending others, the more life draws people who don't respect you.
Another big problem with people with flattering personalities is that they are surrounded by low-quality friendships in a vain attempt to build true self-confidence from their surroundings, and the probability is almost zero.
The flattering personality is not incomprehensible, everyone needs to be clear about the nature of the personality, and then firmly believe that you can have a good life, compared with the evaluation of others, your real feelings are the most important.
In addition, if you want to build a sense of self-esteem, you need to establish boundaries to let others know where your bottom line is. When someone asks you to do something you don't want to do, you can tell him explicitly that you refuse.
When others don't like you, you can also set up self-boundaries, and not liking you is the subjective feeling of the other party, not the responsibility you need to take responsibility for.
Life will only be easier when you have a clear understanding of what is relevant to you and what is not relevant to you.
Second, social status
The attitude of the people around you to you depends a lot on your own attitude, and the lower you put your posture down, the more others think you are a good bully.
Just as people in life are afraid of offending others, they often show an image of being good at it. If you unconditionally meet the needs of others, then others will expect more and more from you, and at the same time, they will ignore your efforts more and more, but whenever you reject him for a small thing in the future days, he will immediately lose his temper and even complain about you.
Everyone needs to make their own value continue to increase, until your social status is getting higher and higher, self-worth no longer rely on others to judge, then even if you offend 90% of people, others will be jealous of you and dare not confront you head-on.
Of course, taking the initiative to offend others and not being afraid of offending others are two completely different concepts, and once confused, the consequences will be unimaginable.
- The End -
Author | Tommida
Edit | Wan'an
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Reference: Jean Piaget Biographie. (2020, January 29).