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For some reason, we always feel that a person is weak, afraid that if we are not careful, we will offend the people around us and make our lives more difficult in the future.
Some people will even give in everywhere because they are afraid of offending others, and even be violated by others for a lot of interests.
But imagine that people in the world have different personalities and very different values, and even if we have bent our knees to meet the preferences of others, we will inevitably cause dissatisfaction among others.
The more we lower our posture, the more others will look down on us and think that everyone can direct us.
We strive to respect others, not necessarily in exchange for the respect of others, but will make others look down on us, because we are a person with no principle bottom line and no backbone. Liu Tong also once proposed that we should not be afraid that we will offend others, because there will always be people in the world who do not like us.
No one is perfect, and no one can be loved by all. Even if you are a very upright and righteous person, you will be disgusted by those who have evil hearts.
That being the case, we should not be afraid of offending others, we just need to be ourselves, not to mention that from the fact that even if we accidentally offend others, 90% of them are people who are not afraid of offending.
Because the people we can meet and get along with for a long time usually have one connection with us in one way or another. Therefore, the status of these people is usually similar to ours, and some people are even inferior to our family's realm.
Even if we accidentally offend them in life, it will not have any impact on our normal lives.
Speaking of this, we have to mention the flattering personality, that is, the traditional Chinese and common old and good people. These people always hope to be recognized by others, and even in order to please others, they will deliberately lower their identity, suppress their true feelings in their hearts, and do things that they do not like or even dislike.
This is actually an unhealthy state of mind. For example, rejecting others is actually a very normal thing, after all, everyone has their own life needs to deal with, and it is impossible to help others anytime and anywhere.
But these people will be wrapped up in a strong sense of morality and unwilling to voluntarily refuse other people's requests.
At the same time, when they are rejected by others, they will also have a very strong sense of frustration. They care too much about what others think and say about them, and it seems that only from other people can they get recognition of their self-worth. And when they do something wrong, they will not easily forgive themselves, but will fall into deep regret.
Such people have no opinion, like to listen to the command of others in everything, in their concept, others are always higher than themselves, have the right to give orders to themselves. At the same time, they have no principles of their own, and often lack a sense of boundaries, unable to distinguish between their own boundaries when interacting with others.
The sense of boundaries is actually a new word that has emerged in recent years, mainly referring to people's judgment and attention to the boundaries of communication.
If a person lacks a sense of boundaries, he will often leave his own things to others to do, and add his own will to others, ignoring that the two parties are two independent individuals and should not have such a relationship.
People with a flattering personality will find ways to make others like themselves, even if there is no one to like them in the circle of friends, they will be lost and sad, and even begin to resent others.
But in any case, this psychology of basing the value of self-identification on the evaluation of others is always unreliable and incorrect.
Most people with flattering personalities do not receive adequate care and attention in their original families. They are extraordinarily afraid of others abandoning them or not liking themselves, all because of a lack of strong inner security.
As a result, they also lack a sense of boundaries and want to be able to mix their own lives with those of others and make themselves more engaged.
But there are many things in life that we can't control, just as there will be people who don't like you, we don't have to be sad about it, we just need to live our own lives. Not only in life, but also when it comes to social work, we should also get rid of this wrong idea.
Put your posture very low in the workplace, others will not think that you are a humble and courteous person, but will think that you are very good bullying, and entrust all kinds of work to you to complete.
People with this mentality are often suppressed by the interviewer during the interview, thinking that they are really useless, and thus accept a salary that is completely incompatible with the content of the job.
In fact, work and life are a two-way choice process, we need to accept the interviewer's choice and scrutiny, we also have the right to choose whether to start the job.
If at the beginning of the interview, we release a signal of fear of offending others, the interviewer will naturally step by step to squeeze the interests that belong to us.
This lack of self-confidence will also make others think that you are of low value, can be bullied, and is not conducive to our normal life and work.
You know, as mediocre workers, we don't have the opportunity to meet millionaires. Those who can live with us and be offended by us are usually those whose status matches ours.
Even if you accidentally offend the leader at work, there is no need to worry about it. We shouldn't tie ourselves to a job, and if the corporate climate of the company is extremely poor, there's no need for us to stay.
Moreover, as a capable person, even if we lose this job, we can find a better future.
- The End -
Author | Tommida
Edit | Not sleepy at all
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Reference: Jean Piaget Biographie. (2020, January 29).