One of my female friends has always been a savvy strong woman type in my eyes, but lately I've noticed a bit of a "love brain" side to her.
The new boyfriend is a few years younger than her, which makes her usually confident have a little sense of crisis, always full of gains and losses in her words, and more importantly, the strong personality in the past will unconsciously please each other.
"He wants to go to bed early, and even if I want to talk to him again, I will take the initiative to hang up the phone, but in fact, I still want to talk to him more."
"When I went to Taobao, I saw anything new and wanted to buy him, even if he didn't need it at all."
"My stomach hurt badly at home during menstrual leave, but he said that his documents were left at home, and I still stepped on high heels to send them to him, and I put on makeup to give him a face boost."
"I don't know what's wrong with me, why is this happening?"
Unfortunately, you meet the person who gave you a flattering personality.
— Fear of rejecting others —
Little A, the leader of the grievance team of a group operation:
When my team members rejected me, I didn't feel anything wrong at all, and I always considered each other.
"Team leader, I haven't finished this part, I'll give it to you when I'm done"
"Okay, no problem."
That day I was going to audit a very important lesson, I couldn't go to a meeting with them, and when I spoke in the group, there were ten thousand guilts in my heart that were pestering me.
"I'm sorry"
"Or you record it for me, and I'll go back and make up my part."
“”
"Sorry, sorry"
I was afraid of making everyone unhappy and delaying everyone's time because of my own faults, and I had long put responsibility first, never thinking that my behavior was already pleasing and pleasing others.
—Other people's business is more serious than your own—
A seven, tomorrow to submit a reply ppt graduates:
Although I will submit the defense ppt to the tutor tomorrow, but now I am not my own ppt in my hand, but my roommate, who asked me to help check the content of his ppt.
I should have refused.
But I now examine it more carefully than I do my own, and incidentally correct his typos and file format.
I always try to meet the requirements of the other party as much as possible, even if I will sacrifice my own interests, not only that, but I will also feel the needs of others keenly, I can hardly refuse anyone, and I will be extra serious when helping.
This kind of flattery will make me feel very tired, and sometimes I can't please the other party at all.
Who are you facing with who will have this state of mind?
Fear of having any negative emotions on the other side, afraid of offending people; when being praised, the first reaction is to refute the other party, and it is very uncomfortable when it is exaggerated; it is very uncomfortable to seek perfection and complete others.
In the face of parents, afraid of disappointing them, afraid that they will be sad, so they choose to marry someone they don't like at all, choose a job that their parents are satisfied with, even if they have no interest in it;
In the face of lovers, they will do something against their own wishes, just to make each other happy, and always put the needs of the other party in front of their own needs to achieve;
In the face of classmates, even if the other party's unreasonable request will be forced to agree, hoping that the other party will be grateful for their sacrifice, but often thankless
……
Flattering personality has a technical term in psychology called "pandering personality disorder." These people are good at hiding their true likes and dislikes and blindly echoing others.
Unlike the central air conditioner, the flattering personality is even more terrible.
The flattering personality is often the person who cares most about gains and losses, they often compare each other's efforts with their own sacrifices, once the other party does not give corresponding returns, then the first person who can't stand it is themselves.
They always think, "I'm so good to you, you have to...", "I've sacrificed so much, you have to remember my good...", "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't..."
I lowered my posture, but I still couldn't please everyone.
—Learn to please yourself—
It's a process that needs to be learned and accepted, and the first thing to do is to figure out how you can be happy and your needs.
For example, when faced with a choice, please subconsciously think about which one to choose will make you happy, rather than thinking that choosing another one may make others happy, and you can make it up.
Pleasers generally have a deep-rooted pattern: that is, I must do something, must not express what, others will like me, accept me. This is the manifestation of oneself, unable to accept oneself and love oneself, and must constantly obtain the affirmation of others.
Remember, you don't have to pursue whether others like you or not, and accept you or not. As long as you accept yourself, you will find that the whole world will accept you.
—END—