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"Sorry" is a very common word in everyday life and is often used to express apologies. Some linguists once said that for a native Chinese speaker, saying "sorry" to others after making a mistake seems very simple and can be blurted out, but in the Chinese context, it seems very difficult to sincerely say the three words "sorry", and even feels a little difficult to say.
This is because these three words often have a deeper meaning for people.
Many people will think that if they say "sorry" to the people around them, it means that they seem to be "inferior" in identity and status; others think that the act of admitting mistakes first will make them "faceless", etc., so most people will have some resistance to saying the three words "sorry" in their daily interactions.
However, there are such a part of people in life, who are not afraid of the use of this word, and even hang on the word. Such a part of the people also have a certain commonality from the perspective of personality.
Whether in the workplace, campus or society, people who often say the three words "sorry" generally have these three personality characteristics.
1. Personality has some inferiority
As mentioned above, when some words that seem to be very common are given a specific meaning in society, then the subsequent use of this word will be given a new symbolic meaning.
From the perspective of social symbol theory, in those societies where there are classes and high status, this "hierarchical consciousness" between people will actually appear in all aspects of daily life, and language and expression are naturally a very important point.
"Sorry" in the Chinese context, in addition to a simple apology, also implies a meaning, that is, the expression of a certain sense of guilt.
He also took responsibility for what was wrong with himself and declared himself responsible for it. For example, between couples, if there is a quarrel between the two parties, then both parties will often acquiesce to one point: the person who says "sorry" first is equivalent to "admitting mistakes".
So over time, if there is some inferiority in the heart, when there is any mistake in social interaction with others and work, they always tend to take the initiative to take responsibility to calm the anger of others or to end this embarrassing occasion quickly.
We know that when something happens that gives rise to a dispute, people tend to quarrel or become very unhappy because they are looking for the source of the mistake, and those who have a little inferiority are not good at dealing with various social interaction scenarios.
In order to end this embarrassment, it is better to admit the wrong way to show others the message of "stop the dispute".
2. Be good at considering the feelings of others
In social interaction, regardless of the identity, status and personality of the two parties to the interaction, an eternal criterion is that this interaction should be based on equality, only mutual respect and mutual understanding, social interaction is likely to continue, otherwise it is unilateral information output or "bullying".
There is such a group of people in society, and you never have to worry about being treated unequally socially when interacting with them, because they will always consider the feelings of others in the first place.
At the wine table, such people will deliberately look for topics, will not deliberately persuade wine, after the end of the scene will send everyone home one by one, and then send messages to everyone; in the workplace, such people are thoughtful when cooperating, and will take the initiative to ask the needs of colleagues in life, and they are also very concerned about the views of others when communicating.
So they will sincerely say "sorry" to others after they have done something wrong, this is because their personality makes the heart produce a real apology, in order to show others that they are aware of the mistake, while soothing the emotions of others, so they often put "sorry" on their lips.
It is worth noting that if you have such a person around you, then you must cherish the other person; if you are not such a person, but you want to become such a person, then it is not necessary.
Because of the deliberate care for the feelings of others, it is very likely that there is a state of "flattering personality", which makes one lose its due position and posture in equal interactions, and appears to be somewhat humble. Even if you care about the feelings of others, it should be based on the premise of equal interaction.
3. Talk about etiquette and be very polite
When people go to other people's homes as guests, travel with friends they have just met, and interact with people in the workplace, if they pay close attention to the boundaries of their interactions with others, then a very "polite" image will appear.
This is actually a manifestation of social distance: when people face people who are not familiar with them, they often do not reflect the more negative aspects of their personality.
There is also another possibility, that is, no matter what kind of social relationship they face, some people will always behave very politely, always polite, even to their parents, they are also very polite, and they will often say "thank you" and "sorry" to their parents, because in their eyes, social is like this.
In any case, in those who are polite, we can often see them saying "sorry", which does not mean that they are hypocritical, but reflects their concept of communication.
But for ordinary people, interacting with people with such personalities will make people feel a little tired or even a little uncomfortable, because social interaction is like a mirror, and the principle of equality makes you often take a similar response when dealing with the other party's social behavior.
This means that when you have been in a relationship with people who have to add an honorific for three sentences and always have some sense of distance, you will find yourself forced to become "polite" like the other party, and this fatigue makes the interaction between the two sides lose fun.
Admittedly, politeness is the right thing to do, but social interaction should also bring people closer together. If it is still difficult to find the original image after a long time together, it is better not to associate. Therefore, this kind of situation of hanging "sorry" on the lips is more "tiring".
All in all, for those who use "sorry" as a mantra, their true personality is actually difficult to describe, but there are roughly three types. When you get along with such people, you can use it as a reference.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205