Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
"This situation can be recalled, but it was already clear at the time."
The splendid stories in life always make people linger at the beginning, but when the story ends, the protagonists can't go back to the old days.
We often say that going through a breakup can be a shortcut to growth, going through a painful struggle in the dark, and many men and women learn how to love.
One day, we will learn to adjust our mindset and understand how to be kind to others and make each other happy.
The once frequent exchange of messages is a thing of the past, and silence about the past has replaced the communication of the past.
However, the lack of connection does not mean that the emotion is forgotten.
The indifferent treatment of this relationship instead hints at the deep pain of the past.
From a psychological perspective, the best strategy for forgetting a person is to sublimate the emotion.
1. Attachment impairment and psychological effects
Psychologist Johnson first introduced the concept of "attachment impairment" in his clinical research on marital relationships.
Johnson points out that in intimate relationships, "attachment damage" occurs when one partner fails to meet the other's expectations in the relationship, which can easily cause emotional or psychological trauma to the other party.
Have you ever experienced any of the following in an intimate relationship:
You are suspicious of your partner's words, and although you try to convince yourself to trust them, you still can't help but become suspicious.
You are overly sensitive to certain behaviors of your partner, always looking for the slightest signs that could harm you, or worrying about evidence of cheating, or even losing sleep as a result.
Your partner often complains and feels that no matter how hard you try to soothe him, it will be difficult for you to completely let down your guard and trust him. You are always worried about his betrayal or the harm that may be done to you.
Do you often recall sad moments from past relationships that become knots in your heart and continue to affect how you think about your current intimate relationship? When there is a crack in a relationship, you lack the courage to end it, because for you, starting a new relationship means potentially facing more harm.
If you've experienced this in your life, you may have suffered unrepaired damage in a current or past relationship.
On the surface you may seem fine, but in reality, these injuries are eating away at your psyche.
The attachment style of each of us is affected by factors such as personality, family background, etc., and it is difficult to change after formation.
However, attachment impairment can have a significant impact on a person's attachment style.
For example, we may see a person who was originally cheerful become anxious in a relationship, and the sense of security is gradually lost.
Or a person who originally had low self-esteem becomes warmer and more confident in a good relationship.
These changes are all concrete manifestations of the impact of attachment impairment on the individual.
Often, "attachment injury" brings deep psychological pain, which is invisible and different from physical injury.
Those experiences that you don't let go of will subtly erode your other intimate relationships. Sometimes, even after a previous relationship has ended, the repercussions can still ripple over to your next relationship.
Many people try to escape or suppress the inner trauma of emotional problems, however, this approach is often counterproductive.
Clinical psychology research has shown that the only way to address "attachment impairment" is to accept it and allow it to be sublimated.
Second, let go to sublimate
When we face the abrupt end of a relationship, the first thing we need to do is accept our pain and sorrow.
Some people may pretend that everything is normal in order to act that they don't care, but in reality they are scarred inside.
Hurting or failing is not something to be ashamed of, and we should unconditionally accept and recognize these true emotions.
Now that we know that attachment impairment stems from relationship problems, we can also seek out trusted people to build a healthy relationship environment that provides a safe space for communication.
You can constantly express your thoughts and reflect on your own and the other person's problems in the relationship.
Be open about your thoughts and feelings, and the people who really care about you will be willing to listen quietly.
Let go of the idea of isolating ourselves from the outside world, because healthy relationships give us strength.
It is easy to go to extremes in solitary contemplation, so it is better to open your heart and rediscover your heart's truest needs.
After going through this difficult time, you will find that you are very different from before.
When you look back on that relationship that has passed, you will no longer feel grief, but you will be able to face it more calmly.
Forgetting someone and letting go of a relationship takes time and self-reflection.
What we need to do in the face of these scars is to recognize it, heal it, and ultimately sublimate it.
By turning these experiences into nourishing and growing nourishment, you will be able to see the wider world and become more convinced that you are worthy of love.
The End -
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Keywords in this article: broken love, psychology
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