Hello, welcome to @Lily Mom Reading Psychology
Wen | Lily's mother
"You look at Xiaoming next door, not only has good academic performance, but also versatility!" Look at you again, the grades are not good, and you are still so lazy! "Moms like to teach their children that lesson.
"In the same classroom, the same teacher lectures, you look at the people Xiaoming, every time is the first in the class, look at you again!" Listening to the lesson is the same, the teacher is never biased from three to four, can this blame the teacher! "Teachers like to educate students that way.
In short, no matter what kind of logical reasoning, it is the child's problem, the child is not hard enough, not diligent enough, not smart enough.
The number of times the number of children is counted, the children really think that it is their own problem, that they are not good enough, that they are very bad, and that they are full of guilt for their parents and teachers.
But we tend to overlook this, and in a way, other people's parents may be excellent. From another point of view, other people's children may be talented. Each child's flowering period is different, those who bloom brightly at the beginning and run fast may not necessarily climb high in the future, and those children who look slow and half a beat can grow well in the future.
If you're working hard and you're working hard, try to do this: adjust your understanding and change your mindset. Instead of blindly asking children how to do it, they work inwardly on ourselves, realizing that the problem may be in us, and need to adjust our understanding and change our concepts.
01 See the child.
If we preset the goal in our hearts, we will have too high expectations for the child, can not see the child's current true level, but blindly put forward too high requirements for the child, so that the parent-child relationship will become very tense, and each other will be very uncomfortable.
If we focus on the child's current real level and specific difficulties, the attitude towards the child will be much more objective. For example, if your child only has a 60-point level, don't always compare with 90 points, so that groundless comparison will only consume the child's inner energy, so that the child is in anxiety, unable to calm down and focus on learning, and the score is likely to drop to a lower score than 60 points.
If you accept his current situation, accept his 60 points level, he can maintain 60 points, and have the opportunity to rise, slowly reach the level of 70 points, if his energy is not wasted, may become more ideal, reaching 90 points is not impossible.
02 Layered expectations.
Don't be naïve enough to think that if your child confidently promises to study hard and has developed a perfect learning plan, he will be able to put it into action. If you think like this, you will soon suffer from rigid thinking.
Unexpected situations will emerge endlessly, do not know how to adjust their expectations in a timely manner, will only continue to conflict with the child, even if the child's behavior has a positive change, it may not be able to catch and control well.
A child's psychological state, mood or emergency may change the child's behavior, which in turn affects the progress of the learning plan. - "Precise Response"
If we are mentally prepared in advance to face various situations and outcomes, and people-oriented tolerance for children to establish hierarchical expectations - children may do it, may not do it, may not do it very well.
Allowing the child to be fast and slow, allowing the child to have a situation that does not complete as planned, allowing various unexpected situations to occur, then, when the child's performance is not ideal, our response will be more flexible, if the child's performance exceeds our expectations, we will be more pleased.
And allowing the child to move forward awkwardly at his own pace, the child will have his own feelings and judgments, and the internal drive will become stronger and stronger.
03 Forward reinforcement.
Parents should be good at tapping into their children's strengths, and when they see even the slightest progress of their children, they must encourage their children in time and carry out positive reinforcement.
For example, when finding that the child has done something wrong, do not rush to criticize, but calmly wait, wait until the child has some slight progress, the attitude is pleasantly affirmed, so that the child's positive behavior has been positively strengthened, the child will become more and more confident, and the behavior will be better and better.
Because he feels that he is good and excellent, he will take the initiative to do the right thing, in line with his identity, even if he makes a mistake, he will take the initiative to correct it.
Lily's Mother's Message:
Your child can not become others in the end, instead of trying to compare with others, it is better to do the above three points, patiently accompany the child's growth, and allow the child to grow into the most beautiful appearance that belongs only to him at his own pace.
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