Figure | Thirty only
Text | Miki porridge
People should cherish sleep in middle age, because you may be caused by the circle of friends at any time to insomnia.
A while ago, a friend who was insomnia sent me a message asking:
Will children be very different because of the arrangement and design of the family?
01
The reason is that there is a strong mother in her circle of friends, who is especially good at making various plans for children.
Children do not like to practice, three years old strong pressed their heads to start the violin, babbling to the age of five, when the mother suddenly said that she can finally start to play "fierce hands".
I don't know how fierce the hand is, but in her life carefully prepared for children, it is just a small daily event.
Artistic training is a series that ranges from doing Mondrian's tricolor paintings to attending jewelry design salons, as well as visits to fashion design companies, plus 3D printing for first-hand experience.
Mixed with scientific and commercial sandbox, thinking training, and going to Inner Mongolia to do vegetation research, we must take the tall topic "ecological construction of sustainable development". It was as if he did not beat the rabbit with grass, and he had wronged the small scythe in his hand.
The image is from a web screenshot
When the mother carefully selects those hobbies that are full of high-grade sense and detached from low-level fun for the children, they do not consider the cost, but only require elegance, refinement, and the style of the famous woman.
According to this idea to do a sports program planning, it must be golf and tennis, learning equestrian skills is not an ordinary dressage.
My friend was stunned to see it. In my mind came up with a child with a ruby in his left hand and a sapper shovel in his right hand, answering questions about business, philosophy, and values...
It's also all about raising children, and she doesn't have that money, nor does she have no time. Good villains are also graduates of famous schools, should use knowledge to pave a chicken baby Kangzhuang avenue, so that children take fewer corners, but how is it not as good as others?
Coincidentally, just as she was feeling guilty, a more exciting article was thrown over, telling a mother who accompanied her child to ride a bicycle, and did not forget to do the immersive language, plus ideological and moral lessons...
She said that if it is a child, it will feel that it is not annoying? There's so much truth to ride a bike.
But as a mom, I reflect: Am I not trying my best? People take children to ride bicycles, see the car river under the overpass "endlessly flowing", climb the slope "boat against the current", can accumulate idioms, shape values, but they can only play silly for children to do assists...
Tangled! Others are seeing stitches and adding materials, do I really want to make plans for my children?
02
Planning depends on whether it's useful to do it.
There are many parents who like to plan now. The ordinary point is that the three-year-old Tang Shi is four years old, the number of five-year-old piano, chess, calligraphy and painting, the good or bad of learning is not entangled, the focus is that others are spending money I can not fall;
The higher-ranking mother has a different way, that is, to be different from others. When others bake, I want jewelry design; others dig sand on the beach, I have to sublimate and get a set of "marine ecological balance" science lessons;
The most senior of us have also seen in the news, they think that children should broaden their horizons as soon as possible, 8 million do not buy a house, drag their families to travel around the world.
Carefully planned children are like Tianshan children lurking in their mother's circle:
Five-year-old footprints on seven continents. Memorize hundreds of Tang poems and song poems, speak a mouthful of London-style English, and go up the mountains and the sea to do scientific expeditions, and learn from world-class masters to design jewelry...
Not exaggerated at all.
Once I attended Shunyi's mother's year-end party, teaching parent-child dance is an American old man, more than 70 years old and energetic, super inflammatory. Later, when I asked, I learned that my mothers had invited them from Broadway and had directed many song and dance dramas.
The process of learning does benefit. The master has the means of the master, and the sugar coat is sandwiched with cannonballs, and in half an hour, a group of rookies become well trained. The moms are super engaged, and the kids are having a lot of fun.
But so what? After a brief attempt, the song finally dispersed, the master returned to the United States, and we continued our ordinary life. I also asked the children, do you like musicals or not? She said she liked it. Do you want to learn? Don't go.
Like and love is so far away, chicken baby a project is indispensable to the father and mother to do the work:
Sending to learn to make coffee flowers has no hand, eager to help the child open the knob throughout the process; sent to do jewelry design and think what taste the child can have, hand in hand to carry out the work.
Taking pictures of P-pictures of near-perfect finished products, I was excited, and finally completed a small goal, I did not let the child's time waste in vain.
These airtight plans, most of the children have no right to speak, are the wishful thinking of parents, with their own preferences and experience to constantly add materials, thicken the child's time, and finally just complete a self-touch.
It's really not like raising a child, it's like turning out an imaginary self.
Listening, seeing, and thinking are all set to the timetable, and everything just needs to be done. You think she'll be grateful to you for avoiding a child's detours, but who would like a life of being hanged like a marionette?
We forced ourselves to exercise while making a fuss about fat loss, and did not hesitate to spend tens of thousands of pieces to ask a personal trainer to force ourselves to point out. The gym is going, but every squat counts, once the difficult action is paddled, the gym is concave even if it is punched, the purposeful exercise, always loses repeatedly.
Therefore, the harder you try to plan, the more useless it is, and everything is too late.
03
There must be some people who are not convinced, you see those children who are at the top of other people's homes, blowing and playing and singing both literature and martial arts, which is not carefully planned by their parents?
It seems like this, but in fact the logic is the opposite. It's not because of careful planning that you succeed, but because you succeed, you study those paths.
Which good kid doesn't have two brushes? But is it planned out into functions? Not necessarily.
The results of education are different, mostly not because of fine planning, but because of differences in family environments.
Before knowing a sister who graduated from Tsinghua University to Stanford, raised two children, and did not choose the four major international departments of the public in the domestic school - the Ivy League Express, the result was still a cambridge and a Chicago.
The friends she interacts with every day, either Qingbei or Fujian University graduates, are all High IQ of Yishui. Even if the children raised force their parents to spit into slag, the last school they read is the worst school in the top 50 in the United States.
The circle determines the vision, and the vision determines the resource. The circle of her life, the bottom line of education, is the ceiling that many ordinary people can't touch with all their efforts.
Families with incomes similar to the parents' education level, as long as they are not extreme, extreme chicken babies or lying flat, the children who are finally educated will not be too bad, which is called the same destination.
Don't look at the professors in the north crying and shouting "admitting their fate" every day, the second generation of Kochi already has the basic life of standing on the shoulders of their parents, and the rest are all fighting in the circle.
So, what if you plan to the minute?
Three years old memorize a hundred ancient poems, four years old will count nine nine multiplication table. Mom and Dad feel so proud that they use their life's experience to speed up their children so that they can take fewer detours. But after the poem is memorized, pi is silent to 100 decimal places... After that?
The parents of the Kochi family casually took out a history of the Roman Empire from beginning to end, and we still only had to take out the playing cards and stare dryly with the children...
The family's knowledge reserves are exhausted too early, and they can't find a development direction, so they can only make up for vulnerability and anxiety by relying on full-file planning, and use "random fists to kill the teacher".
I didn't think there was anything wrong with that, every family has the freedom to raise children.
Until one day, a friend brought his four-year-old daughter to play, talking about his recent educational achievements, he suddenly became interested, and he had to perform "double-digit addition and subtraction" on the spot.
The child couldn't answer it, remembering the game he played with his friends a moment ago. So a show flipped over, and I was very embarrassed to see it.
Friends feel that there is no face, the bedding is too high-profile, and the math home chicken has reached the second grade level in half a year, how can this failure be allowed? So with a sarcastic smile to criticize the child, how can it be so stupid?
If you can't answer it, you are not allowed to play. The child's tears of grievance swirled in his eyes, and he had to hold back his thoughts, and finally got an answer that satisfied his friend, and then he was released...
I was really stunned by this operation. Before knowing many chicken baby parents, but they were all in the group to post awards, circle show photos. Guns and sticks are in the open and in the dark, but they are all the fights of parents...
This is the first time to see a human chicken baby on the spot, and even the elimination of the belt is unbearable. So when a friend kindly said to help me get my son's math chicken, I shook my head and refused.
What about learning double-digit addition and subtraction at the age of five? And do not expect Puwa to enter the Peking University Courtyard, entering may also be a dead end, if the gap with the genius is a black hole, then you have to sacrifice the lady to make up for this day.
Planning is not something that cannot be done, but to have a sense of breathing, to educate this thing, vigorously can not be a miracle.
Raising a child is a project that cannot be done in its own right. It's impossible for you to let him walk a grid, he really walks a grid, and he is not a watch.
My son was often spat upon by the teacher, and no matter how much he talked, he had to follow his own brain circuitry.
So I gave up early. Instead of masochistically doing resource stitching every day, it is better to let him play football, swim, skate, snowball, play mud...
Looking at the wild time that has not been domesticated, being squandered by this kindergarten child, I really don't feel wasted at all.