If there really is an Aladdin lamp that can fulfill the wishes of mothers, I believe that most middle-class old mothers in the world have the same wish: Please God give me a chicken baby!!! I consulted 3 particularly enviable self-chicken mothers around me, their children almost never need their parents to check their homework, basically rarely make up lessons, double subtraction has no impact on them, they are all proper academic bullies...
The original text of this article comes from: Gu Yu Planet
In the end, how to cultivate a "self-chicken baby", all rely on the blind box to smoke well?
One of the mothers of the self-chicken baby said that there was no such good luck, and the mother of the self-chicken baby mostly spent her kung fu in invisible places.
01.
Raise "self-chicken dolls"
My dad and I wrote 600 handwritten letters over two years
@ The family has a mother who is a bully
My daughter should be a chicken baby in everyone's eyes, she is in the 8th grade this year, she has a lot of stamina, the results in the early stage are very average, almost at the bottom, but she is now the top 3 in the class.
We are studying in a private school in Pudong, and the school does not pay too much attention to grades as everyone thinks, but says that we should cultivate "social people" - do not let children struggle in the sea of problems, but rampage in the sea of people.
My father and I were very busy, often coming home late, she came home and put the ingredients I had prepared into the pot, cooked, ate, and then read, exercised, and rested by herself.
Many people envied me and said that I had won a good blind box, but with such good luck, we spent a lot of effort in the invisible place.
In my opinion, the cultivation of children's self-motivation is carried out from two aspects:
1. Physical fitness
Let children "learn steadily, learn well, learn for a long time", and a healthy body is the most solid foundation.
Nutrition is good, my daughter grew up to now, in addition to straightening her teeth, the medical record card is a white book, and her strong body allows her to have a very energetic energy to cope with learning and exercise.
For children's learning ability, protein, iron, lecithin and other nutrients have a very good effect. The key to a truly nutritious breakfast is that it has more than 30 grams of protein.
She entered the primary school with 0 basics, the primary school all relied on the school to learn, never made up the class, junior high school began to increase the sprint, she learned very hard. Because of her strong learning concentration and high efficiency, online classes during the epidemic have become the time for her to overtake in curves.
2. Communicate well
From the first day of her daughter's schooling, we did not accompany her to do an assignment or check her homework, and her learning was always her own responsibility. Regardless of her grades, we never criticized her.
But that doesn't mean we're throwing up our hands.
I often talk to my daughter about her heart, these exchanges are not simply to do homework, to study hard, how many points to take, etc. Communication is all about helping her sort herself out and set up dreams and goals.
For example, recently I was discussing what high school to take, if I directly said that you go to the fourth school, there is no drama, she will ignore me. But she mentioned that there was a pair of CPs in the club, both of whom were admitted to Shanghai Middle School, and she especially liked cp, so I said, or let's go to middle school and continue to snort CP haha. She listened.
After my daughter went to junior high school, she went to and from school independently every day, ate dinner by herself, did her homework, exercised, bathed, and slept, all of which were arranged by herself. But my dad and I were not absent, but every day we wrote her a handwritten text message, a few words, no assignments, only mutual feelings.
More than two years, 600+ seals, she did not say anything, but all the seals were put in the drawer.
Because children have always been independent learning, the impact of double subtraction is not large.
I also support double subtraction in my heart, and I see that many so-called famous school students who are forced, coaxed, and pressed all the way actually do not have their own thoughts. Once you lose your school or the protection of your parents, you will soon be drowned in the sea of people and feel sorry for yourself.
Under the double subtraction, there is a greater need for thinking parents. We can help a child plan her studies, but not be planned for exams.
02.
To inspire his desire for the ocean
@Learn to bully the son's mother
The impact of the double reduction on us, except for the reduction in school work, has not been. Because my family didn't have any cram schools, my son's studies were almost all on his own.
I remember reading a passage like this:
If you want people to build a ship, don't hire people to collect wood, don't give orders, don't assign tasks, but stimulate their desire for the ocean. That spontaneous drive will only arise if the child really wants it himself.
■ English version of the time management table, Excel can be printed directly
This craving as a child can be material, such as a big meal, a trip.
The desire of youth will become spiritual, perhaps the expectation of one's future, or the hope of being recognized and looked up to by the partners around him. Adolescent partners are the most important, and have a profound impact on character development and habits of dealing with the world.
Let the child aspire, you must first set a small goal.
For example, my son has been teaching himself French using an app, and for him, creating a Streak that he himself finds impossible is his goal. The goal, from 100 days to 365 days to 1,000 days, has now been almost five years, and I never need to push him, because this is what he wants.
Finally, parents must learn to let go and leave blank space for their children.
Especially when children reach adolescence, they will be particularly eager to decide for themselves, but they are especially afraid of their failure.
The way I get along with my son is to negotiate the bottom line, and the rest is left to him. From the holiday schedule to the choice of interest subjects, he can completely arrange it himself, know what is the bottom line of his mother, and if he accidentally tries it wrong, his mother will definitely support him.
This way of self-control, self-challenge and safety mat, the driving force is naturally there.
And children who are full of arrangements from morning to night by their parents will have "learned" drives.
I think double subtraction is a good thing, giving children more space for themselves.
If you can guide your children well and use the time saved by these homework and extracurricular tutoring to your own interests, you can arrange one more parent-child time every week, put down your mobile phone, read a book together, or run 5 kilometers together, which is a great thing.
03.
The strength of companionship is important
@8th grade cow baby mom
Many parents know to set goals for their children, but it is easy to set goals that are too high.
Parents try not to give their children too high requirements and goals, you can have a long-term goal, and then split the long-term goal into a goal that is enough, such as running for two consecutive weeks, and the final math assessment score from C to B.
Don't underestimate this small goal, to really achieve the need to pay persistence and effort, as a parent is also to give appropriate encouragement and companionship.
When the child achieves or approaches the small goal, parents can also do a review with the child, let them feel the results of "hard work" and "persistence", praise the child for doing the right thing, encourage him to participate in the course discussion more actively, and actively raise his hand to speak.
These small initiatives can make children take a small step and build a little self-confidence.
Also, as a parent, you can remind them to take on more responsibilities. I have heard the second issue of "The Story of 100 Middle-Class Mothers" share that mothers who raise three excellent sons will encourage their children to do housework, and each son has a special hand in cooking.
"Responsibility" often means paying, which may be to help do housework, may be to help classmates, and enhance the child's sense of responsibility in life, so as to better make the child's autonomy and self-reliance.
In the process of growing up in my children, the role models of the students are very powerful, and the role is even far greater than the nagging of their parents. Everyone kicked and played together, discussed math problems together, and exchanged Books in Chinese and English with classmates every week...
Unconsciously, the little frog can also turn into a calf baby.