Raising children is actually a process of watching and discovering, watching by patience and discovery by heart.
In the new year, may we take the road to parenting to a higher level
Author | Tomato Mom
Today, it's Chinese New Year's Eve.
Chinese New Year's Eve is also an important moment to leave the old and welcome the new, and to make a break with the past.
Looking back on the past year, on the road of educating children, we have joys and losses, gains and confusion.
In 2022, if you want to raise an excellent and confident child, parents may wish to start by letting go of these 8 things.
Let go of the impatient temper
Give your child a gentle smile
Two days ago, I saw such a video.
A five-year-old boy used an electric hairdresser to cut the head of his younger siblings into a "dog gnawing on the Mediterranean".
As a result, after the mother saw it, she did not jump like a thunderbolt, but patiently listened to her son tell the story of the incident.
Finally, I didn't forget to comfort the children: "Well, it's just hair, it will grow back, and Mom is fine." ”
Many netizens commented: I admire this mother's gentleness and patience too much.
In reality, as long as many children do things slowly and make some mistakes, they will immediately be scolded by their parents.
As a result, the more the parents yell, the more prone the child is to make mistakes.
Over time, there will be trembling in front of parents.
Educator Yin Jianli has said: "The three points of temper you throw at your child will cause seven points of harm to your child." ”
Parents' emotional stability and whispered education are the best gifts for their children.
In the new year, please put away your impatient temper, be a little more patient, and smile a little more.
Your gentle smiling face will surely become the warmest background color of your child's childhood.
Let go of busy work and spend more time with your children
I watched a tear-jerking short film "ATM Daddy":
A little girl from babies babies until elementary school, all the memories of her father are the "Daddy Card" cash machine.
Countless times she fantasized about her father being with her, swinging with her, teaching her how to ride a bicycle, telling her bedtime stories, but his father never appeared.
On the day of the New Year, there was joy and gongs and drums everywhere, but the little girl asked her mother as soon as she opened her eyes:
"What about Daddy?"
After learning that her father still did not return, the girl stood there motionless, tears swirling in her eyes.
She walked alone to the cash machine and said softly to it: Happy New Year, Dad.
A line is slowly typed on the CASH machine:
Go home and spend more time with your children, because childhood is only once.
Incredibly heartfelt.
Looking back on this year, how many parents are busy and busy for a better life, neglecting to care for and care for their children.
But I forgot that compared to expensive toys and food, the gift that children want most is actually the companionship of their parents' love.
In the new year, spend more time with your children, hold their hands tightly, and create your own beautiful memories together.
Let go of criticism and accusations
Water your child with encouragement and praise
I have seen many parents around me, turning themselves into their children's "bad evaluators", often criticizing and accusing their children:
10 questions are wrong 4, really stupid;
You can eat a meal on the ground, what else can you do?
Let you say hello and dare not go, can you have a boy?
The original intention is to educate children, but often has little effect, and even leads to children's inferiority, cowardice, and more rebellion.
Dale Carnegie wrote in The Weakness of Human Nature:
"We are born to be encouraged, and treating children in this way allows children to grow up in a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere, gain self-confidence, and become more excellent."
Smart parents will become the "burner" for their children's growth:
Affirm his efforts, appreciate his kindness, encourage his progress, and appreciate his sincerity.
Let go of your criticism and accusations, and water your children with sincere praise, encouragement and love, believing that they will grow into tall and towering trees.
Let go of the heart
Give autonomy back to the child
Imagine that in the process of growing up, parents often encounter such a situation:
The child sits crookedly on a stool, holding a spoon in his hand and not eating well, and the parents will be tempted to feed the child;
Children get up early to get dressed, and it takes a lot of effort to wear a trouser leg, and parents will be tempted to help their children get dressed;
After the child finishes doing homework, the textbooks and stationery are piled up all over the table, and the parents will be tempted to help the child clean up...
All day long like a "helicopter", hovering above the child's head, monitoring the child's every move.
Every day, there is an endless heart, an endless worry, and every effort is made for the child, and everything is perfect.
In the end, the child becomes more and more lazy, lacks the ability to survive and be independent, not to mention, if he is not careful, he will become a "nibbling on the old" waste.
There is a saying in "Common Sense of Education" that says it well:
"Man grows only when he is free, and only freedom in relationships is fulfillment."
At the beginning of the new year, instead of using a gentle shackle to put a "shackle" on the child, it is better to loosen the arm that protects the child and let the child fly alone.
Waiting to be fed is always the baby swallow, and it is the eagle that can soar in the blue sky.
Giving children the space and environment to grow freely is the deepest love for children.
Let go of the aggressive attitude
Learn to "show weakness" with your child
A 15-year-old girl was seen online accusing her mother of being aggressive:
From a young age, she was not allowed to cry, not to allow her to lose her temper, and to preach to her condescendingly at every turn;
Even when she went to junior high school, she was not allowed to lock the door at home, and she had to strictly control what she wore and where she went on weekdays.
This leads to her being closed inside, repressed, and very painful.
Today's parents have a common disease, that is, it is difficult to put down the high posture of adults, and like to treat children with a strong and tough attitude.
In this way, it is easy for children to become weaker and weaker, lack of initiative, and it is difficult to establish a good and harmonious parent-child relationship.
Know that children are not appendages of their parents.
Stop using the authority of elders to suppress and deprive children of the right to express and choose.
Parents should learn to "show weakness" appropriately:
Attitude, put yourself in an equal position with the child, respect his feelings, and listen to his heart.
In decision-making, give the child full choice, and seek the child's opinion when encountering things.
In this way, children can grow into a strong heart and self-assertive person.
Put down your phone and learn to lead by example
Have you noticed a phenomenon:
Parents often brush mobile phones and watch short videos at home, and children are often addicted to mobile phones;
Parents often stay up late, their work and rest are disordered, and it is difficult for children to achieve self-discipline;
Parents are lazy and slack, never read, and it is difficult for children to be diligent and studious.
Studies have found that the child is a complete "perceptual organ", the child's eyes are like a tape recorder, and the ears are like a radio.
Every word and deed of a parent will be engraved in the child's world.
From their point of view, the truth is simply and rudely presented to their parents.
Therefore, if parents cannot lead by example, even the most severe discipline is pale and powerless.
In the new year, parents may wish to abandon their bad habits and welcome a new look at themselves.
At home, try to put down the mobile phone, read more with the child, and have good interaction and parent-child communication with them.
Only by living themselves as a ray of light can children shine brightly.
Let go of the rush for quick success
Go discover more excitement for kids
Last year's popular TV series "Little Shed" profoundly reflected the current anxiety of parents.
This side of Ziyou's mother has enough strength to let Ziyou learn, opening her mouth and closing her mouth are all Olympic numbers, training, achievements...
The result forced the child to almost get depression in the end;
In order to improve her grades, Huan Huan's mother did not hesitate to belittle her and yell at her, and finally caused her to become more and more inferior, and even ran away from home...
In fact, if the two mothers can let go of anxiety, comparison, utilitarianism, and re-look at their children with an appreciative eye, they will find that -
ZiYou especially likes to study bugs, and when he talks about his dream of being a future biologist, there is light in his eyes.
Cheerful, lively and enthusiastic, she is versatile, has an enviable voice, and is always the focus of the crowd.
In fact, each child has its own light, light or dark, different, but it is precious.
When you are no longer addicted to running, no longer anxious about comparison, but to capture and magnify the advantages of children, you will definitely harvest a confident and excellent child.
Let go of the excessive expectations of children
Have a normal heart
At the beginning of this year, a Beijing mother who complained that her son was a scum of learning was on the hot search.
It turns out that this mother and husband are both 985 masters, but although the husband and wife try their best to educate their children, they cannot escape the fact that their children have become "scum", and they may not even be able to pass the three exams in the future.
Can't help but make people sigh: even the children of the 985 school bully can't escape the fate of children who are most likely to be classified as ordinary people.
Many parents have complained that their children have such shortcomings, poor grades, unenlightened, and headaches.
In fact, when you let go of your excessive expectations for your children and throw away unrealistic luxuries, all problems will be solved.
As the saying goes:
Each flower has its own flowering period, carefully care for its own flowers, slowly watch him grow up, accompany him to bathe in the sun and wind, this is not a kind of happiness.
In the new year, it is better to relax your mind, believe in your children, and wait for the flowers to bloom.
What if it never blooms?
Even if it is a weed, a small tree, the vitality and vitality it exudes are enough to bloom a wasteland.
In the past, I used to wonder, what is the purpose of raising children?
Until I saw a beautiful passage:
Raising children, in order to participate in the growth of a life, means giving and appreciating.
Don't seek perfection for children, don't have to fight for my face, don't have to pass on the generations for me, and don't have to help me retire.
As long as this life exists healthily, walking in this beautiful world, giving me the opportunity to walk with him for a while, it is enough.
Yes, raising a child is a gift of life in itself.
It is they who make us understand love and dedication, make us mature in stumbling, and have a lot of unforgettable life experiences.
We, on the other hand, always forget the original intention of raising children in day after day of anxiety, and put shackles on this love.
In the new year, it is better to find the original heart, cherish every day with children, and give them unconditional love and acceptance.
I hope that in the next few days, we can all move forward hand in hand with our children, walking non-stop and growing up without stopping.
I also wish that in the New Year, every child can be safe and joyful, and all things will be victorious and the future can be expected.